Get out your violin

You know what would be great? It would be great if someone could help me get the steel-toe-boot-wearing month of September to stop repeatedly kicking me in the balls with all of its might. Anyone?

We knew this was going to be a difficult month … a “transitional” month, if you will. Zan started kindergarten (which he still loves, thank god), and Jayna started preschool (which she doesn’t still love, dear god), and both have to spend a few hours per week in daycare. In other words, we have all of the necessary ingredients for a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old to meltdown in spectacular fashion at least once a day.

Today is Tuesday. Tuesday is the day on which we tackle the nuttiest schedule of the week: WW drops Zan off at daycare and drives to work; I drop Jayna off at preschool, and, two-and-a-half hours later, pick her up, transport her to daycare, swap her out for Zan, and chauffeur Zan to kindergarten; WW then gets out of work, picks Zan up from kindergarten, picks Jayna up from daycare and returns home. (During today’s midday taxi service, I was headed to daycare when I realized I first needed to go pick up Jayna from preschool. Thank god the kids are old enough and vocal enough that I can’t forget they’re in the backseat, or I’d probably end up being one of those assholes who accidentally slow roasts their child in an unattended automobile.)

All of this leads up to the daily 4 p.m.-8 p.m. routine, which is basically one big blur of playing, fighting, crying, whining, bathing, feeding, reading and, finally, putting the children down for the night.

So, roughly 14 hours into our day, WW and I, at long last, have a few moments alone … which we generally use to collapse on the couch and talk about what we’d do if we had any energy left. We’ve even thrown a monkey wrench into that, though, because, after finally realizing that we just aren’t going to be getting to the gym any year soon, we have begun a nightly fitness program (Tony Horton’s 10-minute Trainer, which is exactly the kind of cheesy-looking thing I would never have even considered before my life turned into an all-consuming clusterfuck—so it is with no small degree of surprise that I must confess Mr. Horton and his overly dyed hair have been thoroughly kicking my ass). Do you see any time in there for marital bliss? Me either.

Oh, and blogging! Yes, of course, blogging. Must blog. Must not let blog die. Must stay up well past a sensible bedtime in order to piss and moan about a lifestyle that roughly 90 percent of the planet wishes they could have but instead they’re busy looking for clean drinking water and fortifying their dirt-floored huts.

OK, I’m done bitching now.

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14 Comments

  1. Posted September 23, 2008 at 11:35 pm | Permalink

    i admire the routine you guys set to pick up and drop off your children.

    all you have to do is wish that they were older so that they can drive YOU around. that’s my goal in life.

  2. Posted September 24, 2008 at 3:07 am | Permalink

    pissing and moaning is what us bloggers do best.

  3. Posted September 24, 2008 at 5:36 pm | Permalink

    Kaylisa: I don’t like to think about my kids driving me around, because, by the time they’re doing that, they’ll probably also be changing my diapers. Having a chauffeured limo driving me around is a nice thought, tho. πŸ˜‰

    Dan: Ain’t that the truth.

  4. P
    Posted September 25, 2008 at 11:56 am | Permalink

    Amen to the daycare/kindergarten shuffle.

  5. Posted September 26, 2008 at 11:54 am | Permalink

    Well, as long as you know how good you have it.

  6. Posted September 26, 2008 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    Wow, for a creepy second there, I thought you were eavesdropping on my life and writing about it! This sounds so much like our routine, our son also started K this year, and our 3yr old daughter started daycare. I get to carpooll other kids on my way to work, and I love it because they have the funniest conversations in the car. They seem to forget there is an adult in the car as well!

  7. Posted September 28, 2008 at 1:15 am | Permalink

    That sounds a lot like my life.

    We’ve got three-year-old triplets that just started 5-day a week Montessori (for 3 hours a day), a 14-month old that my husband and I juggle our careers so that we can stay home with, and we are both planning to compete in our second triathlon(s) within the next month. And then … there’s the blog. And then … there’s grocery shopping and food preparation. And then … there’s laundry. And then … there’s marital bliss.

    In no particular order, of course.

  8. Posted September 28, 2008 at 8:38 am | Permalink

    P: Damn straight.

    Michelle: I do!

    Julie: Wait, you carpool *other people’s kids* too? My hands are plenty full with my own two, thank you. But, yes, I bet there are some funny conversations to eavesdrop on.

    Jane: Triplets, a 14-month-old, triathlon training and blogging? You’re a fiction writer, right? Who is this, really?

  9. Posted September 29, 2008 at 11:27 am | Permalink

    DaddyS–Loved your comment on Dooce, so thought I’d drop by. This was a great post, especially your “piss and moan” sentence. My kids are 2nd, 5th and 8th grade, and the Witching Hours (4-8) are still painful periods of impatient, crabby parenting with an occasional moment of grace tossed in.

    My unsolicited advice? Don’t have a third child.

  10. Posted September 29, 2008 at 11:34 am | Permalink

    Thanks for the compliment, E. Peevie. And, as for the unsolicited advice: I’m way ahead of you. Clearly, you didn’t read my (embarrassingly graphic in retrospect) tale of my vasectomy. πŸ˜‰

  11. Posted September 29, 2008 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

    Daddy Scratches – I just wanted to give you and your blog a visit. I know you are no fan of mine (saw your response to my comment on Dooce) but after visiting your blog and realizing heck, we could be neighbors, I thought I’d leave you a comment too. After all, bloggers love comments!
    Well, I know you don’t like my politics. Neither do I. I really don’t have any political views. I’m more of a pot stirrer than anything else. Just thought I should attempt to make nice as we may likely run into each other in real life one day considering we could be neighbors and my boys are pirate and star wars fans like yours. Don’t hate me for being a (somewhat) conservative or spewing out conservative rhetoric. I don’t mean it…..well, at least not 100%.

  12. Posted September 29, 2008 at 5:50 pm | Permalink

    Giovanna: Thanks for checking out my blog and leaving a comment. I appreciate the open-mindedness behind such a move.

    And, yeah, for all I know, we could be neighbors, so keep an eye out for me; I’m the guy in the Obama shirt. πŸ˜‰ (Either that, or a DaddyScratches.com shirt! πŸ™‚ )

  13. Jennifer
    Posted October 3, 2008 at 12:03 pm | Permalink

    Daddy…just wanted to say that I found your blog on a trail from Suburban Turmoil and I laughed my ass off. In the vernacular of an 80’s chick from north of Boston – I find it ‘wicked pissah’.

    GO SOX!

    BTW – my 7yo asked me at the bus stop this morning if the Sox were on tonight and I said ‘if you take a nap, they are’….

  14. Posted October 4, 2008 at 2:19 am | Permalink

    Thanks, Jennifer. Knowing that my blog has finally achieved “Wicked Pissah” status is very meaningful to a Boston-area native such as myself. πŸ˜‰

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