Daddy's Briefs
- You Know You're Old When: The shit you think is *so* 5 minutes ago is shit young people have never even heard of. about 2 days ago from web
- If I could have foreseen getting hit in the nuts as hard as I just did with a lacrosse ball, I wouldn't have bothered getting a vasectomy. about 1 week ago from Twitter for iPhone
- I love when the babysitter's car is nicer than mine. Doesn't at all make me question my life path. about 1 week ago from Twitter for iPhone
More ways to love me
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Recent Posts
- This post is pointless, goes nowhere and contains a completely unrelated photograph. Allow me to apologize in advance for wasting your time.
- I wish these kids would demonstrate a little self-confidence and individuality
- This photo makes me ache for another tropical vacation … but I’ll settle for a really stiff margarita.
- It will be best for my daughter’s future boyfriend if someone hides this picture from me, because if I should happen to see it on the night that he comes to fetch her for their first date, I will pummel his teenage ass to smithereens
- Mark Cuban is totally fucking wrong … unless he’s not, in which case: My bad.
Recent Comments
- This post is pointless, goes nowhere and contains a completely unrelated photograph. Allow me to apologize in advance for wasting your time. (16)
- Smokeynall: Wow, if I had a dollar for every car dealership I went to and couldn’t get a used car financed...
- Jan: Oh lordy, I know the pain. A couple of years ago, my Mazda went belly-up about 80,000 miles short the 200,000...
- Jackie: I think the picture is really cool and am glad you showed it. Not sure what to tell ya on the van issue other...
- Susan Says...: I see that previous commenters have offered a variety of solutions. There are none other than writing...
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme. (40)
- Carrie B.: Kinda late now, but the pharmacy at Target will flavor your kid’s medicine for free. Not just...
- This post is pointless, goes nowhere and contains a completely unrelated photograph. Allow me to apologize in advance for wasting your time. (16)
Greatest Hits
- A note to my children from The Elf on the Shelf
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery Rhyme
- Mother Nature is a heartless wench who will turn your own children against you
- The time I almost became a highly paid insurance mascot.
- The time I built a car … I mean, a high-tech doorstop.
- The time I committed the most embarrassing social gaffe in the history of embarrassing social gaffes.
- The time I couldn't free my daughter from a bath seat in which she had become trapped.
- The time I did my best to completely sabotage a dream vacation.
- The time I finally used my passport.
- The time I got a vasectomy.
- The time I hung out with Van Halen.
- The time I nearly burned down my house.
- The time I partied with all the cool mommybloggers and saved The Bloggess's life … sort of.
- The time I thought my son was going to get his ass kicked by a girl.
- The time I was forced to deal with an incontinent doll.
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”
- Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector
More ways to love me
The Demon
Back in March of 2000, while living in the Phoenix area, I got to cover the opening night of what was supposed to be KISS’s Farewell Tour. (The group’s two remaining original members — Gene Simmons, shown above, and Paul Stanley — have since decided to soldier on with two hired guns for what has essentially been an eight-year-long cash grab that falls just short of turning the entire audience upside down and shaking all of the money out of its pockets.) The publicist who hooked me up with the review ticket asked if I wanted a photo pass to go with it.
“Um … YA-AH!”
I had never before photographed a concert, and didn’t even have a respectable camera with which to shoot one. I was told I could shoot the band during the first two songs, and that flash photography was prohibited. (I guess the band members didn’t want to get blinded and fall off the edge of the stage. Pussies.) To someone with no photographic experience, this sounded about the same as if they had said “We’re going to blindfold you and you have to leave the lens cap on.”
Highly skeptical of my chances of successfully capturing a single decent shot of the band, I borrowed a Canon Rebel (film version; digital wasn’t yet the standard way back at the turn of the millennium) and headed to the show, stopping on the way at a camera shop, where I informed the employees that I needed to buy the most appropriate type of film for shooting that night’s KISS concert sans flash. They clearly thought I was full of shit, but they turned me on to the right film (Fuji 1600), and both they, and I, were pleasantly surprised when I returned the next day to have the film developed and discovered that I had managed to score a few decent shots. (Special thanks to the Associated Press photographer who adjusted the settings on my camera about two minutes before the band hit the stage.)
Despite their metamorphosis into full-blown money whores, I still have a special place in my heart for KISS, who I began worshipping at the age of six (you know, until I began worshiping that other band), and whose influence on me had a great deal to do with my insistence on pursuing a career that I would truly enjoy instead of just settling for a job.