Daddy's Briefs
- You Know You're Old When: The shit you think is *so* 5 minutes ago is shit young people have never even heard of. about 2 days ago from web
- If I could have foreseen getting hit in the nuts as hard as I just did with a lacrosse ball, I wouldn't have bothered getting a vasectomy. about 1 week ago from Twitter for iPhone
- I love when the babysitter's car is nicer than mine. Doesn't at all make me question my life path. about 1 week ago from Twitter for iPhone
More ways to love me
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Recent Posts
- This post is pointless, goes nowhere and contains a completely unrelated photograph. Allow me to apologize in advance for wasting your time.
- I wish these kids would demonstrate a little self-confidence and individuality
- This photo makes me ache for another tropical vacation … but I’ll settle for a really stiff margarita.
- It will be best for my daughter’s future boyfriend if someone hides this picture from me, because if I should happen to see it on the night that he comes to fetch her for their first date, I will pummel his teenage ass to smithereens
- Mark Cuban is totally fucking wrong … unless he’s not, in which case: My bad.
Recent Comments
- This post is pointless, goes nowhere and contains a completely unrelated photograph. Allow me to apologize in advance for wasting your time. (16)
- Smokeynall: Wow, if I had a dollar for every car dealership I went to and couldn’t get a used car financed...
- Jan: Oh lordy, I know the pain. A couple of years ago, my Mazda went belly-up about 80,000 miles short the 200,000...
- Jackie: I think the picture is really cool and am glad you showed it. Not sure what to tell ya on the van issue other...
- Susan Says...: I see that previous commenters have offered a variety of solutions. There are none other than writing...
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme. (40)
- Carrie B.: Kinda late now, but the pharmacy at Target will flavor your kid’s medicine for free. Not just...
- This post is pointless, goes nowhere and contains a completely unrelated photograph. Allow me to apologize in advance for wasting your time. (16)
Greatest Hits
- A note to my children from The Elf on the Shelf
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery Rhyme
- Mother Nature is a heartless wench who will turn your own children against you
- The time I almost became a highly paid insurance mascot.
- The time I built a car … I mean, a high-tech doorstop.
- The time I committed the most embarrassing social gaffe in the history of embarrassing social gaffes.
- The time I couldn't free my daughter from a bath seat in which she had become trapped.
- The time I did my best to completely sabotage a dream vacation.
- The time I finally used my passport.
- The time I got a vasectomy.
- The time I hung out with Van Halen.
- The time I nearly burned down my house.
- The time I partied with all the cool mommybloggers and saved The Bloggess's life … sort of.
- The time I thought my son was going to get his ass kicked by a girl.
- The time I was forced to deal with an incontinent doll.
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”
- Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector
More ways to love me
“Teach … your children well …”
This is the mural above the food counter at a rather grubby, fairly rundown arcade/indoor amusement place to which Zan has been begging me to go with him since he learned how to speak. It rained nonstop all weekend, so we decided it was the perfect opportunity for a family adventure to the strip mall (seriously) where this mecca is located. (Wonder Women has taken the kids there a number of times, but this was my first visit—and I mention that because she deserves a great deal of credit for the things she endures.)
You know that we’ve pretty much given up on being a responsible society when children are beckoned to the dining area by a deformed, morbidly obese pig happily gorging himself on pizza, cookies and soda.
The only things missing are a couch, a remote control and an AK-47.