At long last, here is the Christmas photo I mentioned a while back. And, as I also mentioned a while back, it is a truly hysterical photo, because, boy howdy, it—and I—did not look anywhere near that good in its original form. Which is not to say that I look all that great in the final product shown above, but goddamn, I was downright frightening in the original.
And to prove to you, Internet, that I am willing to shun my own vanity in the name of good blogging, I give you the “before and after”:
This was taken at about 10 a.m., and I had gotten out of bed about 90 minutes prior. And, because I was up working on a side project until about 3:30 a.m.—which meant I was awake for 21 hours before I collapsed—the bags underneath my eyes are worthy of having “Samsonite” stamped on them.
Exacerbating the eye problem is the fact that I am wearing contact lenses here … which I rarely do anymore, since I’m a hermit who works from home and prefers glasses … so, because my orbs weren’t used to sporting contacts, my already-puffy-and-bloodshot eyes are even more puffy and bloodshot.
Also, it was about 16 degrees outside with high winds, which buffeted my face as I ran from the parking lot to the mall entrance (after dropping my family by the door and then parking on the dark side of the moon; I’m nothing if not thoughtful); braving the elements left me with a red nose and semi-frostbitten face.
Lastly, the mall-Santa photo people? They apparently don’t do photography for a living … because the original version of this photo was a completely washed out, cyan-tinged horror show.
But, a little color correcting and airbrushing, and, hot damn, I’m ready for my close up!
In the name of maintaining domestic tranquility, I shall forego exposing my work on Wonder Woman’s countenance … but here’s one last little tidbit: before last year’s photo, Zan decided after we arrived at the mall that he had to have black dress shoes like mine … so WW took him into Stride Rite and purchased him a pair … which he wore for the photo … and never donned again.
This year, WW told him, “Just wear your sneakers and Daddy will make them look like shoes in the Christmas card”:
Voila. I knew these self-taught Photoshop skills would pay off some day. And, damn, what a windfall.
Happy Holidays, y’all.
7 Comments
As my virtual Christmas present to you. I wanted to officially let you know that there are those who never miss a post, ie me. I love to hear your ancedotes of the family life reminds me I’m not the only one who has a child who does certain things. Keep it up I love the daily laugh sorry it’s at your expense.
the shoes thing totally made me chuckle! Happy Holidays!
Excellent photoshop work – altho WW looks fab I don’t know if you photoshopped her at all….
what is that flaming light on the right side of your a**? Holy light?
Happy holidays!
There are talents in the world — say, the ability to perform surgery…successfully — but then there are REAL talents. Like this. Useful talents! Now, I’m going to go yell at my husband for not being able to do this with our family photos.
Jennifer 1 (because I’m pretty sure it’s two different Jennifers …? And, if so, you both must now identify yourself as “Jennifer [something; last initial?]“): Thank you very much for never missing a post, and for the compliments. If my pain can provide you with some laughter, then it’s all worth it.
Giovanna: Thank you. Glad to give you a chuckle. Happy Holidays back atcha.
Jennifer 2: Thanks for the compliment on the Photoshop work; WW always looks fab.
PS: Yes, the light on my ass is Holy Light. It shines on my ass no matter where I go. Can you blame it?
Milissa: Yes, thanks to my airbrushing skills, we’ll continue to look unreasonably young in our Christmas cards for years to come.
Cute family and wow, what a great santa!
Thanks, Mari. Yeah, my son was six months old when he had his first-ever Santa photo with that particular Santa. Prior to having kids, my wife and I had seen him at the mall every year for a number of years, and had said that we would definitely be taking any offspring we might create to get his/her/their picture taken with that specific guy.
At 1-and-a-half, my son made us get in the picture with him, and we’ve turned that into a tradition, because it makes for a good Christmas card.