Daddy's Briefs
- At fucking last ... http://t.co/TWf9vNdD about 4 days ago from web
- Daddy Scratches Fragrance Tip™: If 10 secs after you walk into neighboring cubicle I'm overpowered by your perfume, you're wearing too much. about 4 days ago from web
- You Know You're Old When: The shit you think is *so* 5 minutes ago is shit young people have never even heard of. about 1 week ago from web
- If I could have foreseen getting hit in the nuts as hard as I just did with a lacrosse ball, I wouldn't have bothered getting a vasectomy. about 1 week ago from Twitter for iPhone
- I love when the babysitter's car is nicer than mine. Doesn't at all make me question my life path. about 2 weeks ago from Twitter for iPhone
More ways to love me
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Recent Posts
- This be my bad chariot
- This post is pointless, goes nowhere and contains a completely unrelated photograph. Allow me to apologize in advance for wasting your time.
- I wish these kids would demonstrate a little self-confidence and individuality
- This photo makes me ache for another tropical vacation … but I’ll settle for a really stiff margarita.
- It will be best for my daughter’s future boyfriend if someone hides this picture from me, because if I should happen to see it on the night that he comes to fetch her for their first date, I will pummel his teenage ass to smithereens
Recent Comments
- This be my bad chariot (14)
- Carole: Here’s what my dad always says about the bells & whistles: “Just one more fucking thing to...
- Smokey: Kudos to Civic’s with over 200k on it. Been there done that.
- Sarah T: I have a 96 toyota camry with 170,000 or so miles. It runs great(fingers crossed), but looks like shit....
- heidi: Looks pretty cool to me. Maybe not as cool as a left-handed albino sasquatch riding a one-eyed unicorn, but,...
- Chris: I told my best friend to kill me if I ever bought a minivan, thankfully that hasn’t happened. Good luck...
- This be my bad chariot (14)
Greatest Hits
- A note to my children from The Elf on the Shelf
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery Rhyme
- Mother Nature is a heartless wench who will turn your own children against you
- The time I almost became a highly paid insurance mascot.
- The time I built a car … I mean, a high-tech doorstop.
- The time I committed the most embarrassing social gaffe in the history of embarrassing social gaffes.
- The time I couldn't free my daughter from a bath seat in which she had become trapped.
- The time I did my best to completely sabotage a dream vacation.
- The time I finally used my passport.
- The time I got a vasectomy.
- The time I hung out with Van Halen.
- The time I nearly burned down my house.
- The time I partied with all the cool mommybloggers and saved The Bloggess's life … sort of.
- The time I thought my son was going to get his ass kicked by a girl.
- The time I was forced to deal with an incontinent doll.
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”
- Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector









Have a ball
For the second year running, my employer (the corporate parent-company thereof, rather) rented a party house in the midst of the action during the SXSW Music Festival in Austin, so my fellow nerds and I were granted VIP wristbands that allowed us entry for the four days we were in town.
Being at the house made for an interesting anthropological study. For example, I could tell just by looking around that most of the people there didn’t have kids … because it quite clearly was extremely important to some of these individuals to have gotten on the guest list, and to be seen there, and to schmooze with the other cool kids … whereas it was very important to my cohorts and I to get free alcohol.
The open bar was actually the second item on my two-item list of reasons why I was looking forward to getting back to the house this year. The first was the prospect of jamming out on “Guitar Hero,” which I played for the first time while at the party house during last year’s festival. At that time, the Wii was connected to an enormous flatscreen television that hung over a fireplace, and we played along to tunes that were cranked out of a sweet-sounding stereo system.
This year, the good folks at Nintendo apparently were invited to bitch the whole thing up by placing three tiny Wii kiosks in a little room at the back of the house, and the one time I tried to come to terms with the comparative lameness of the whole situation, the two used-car-salesman-like Nintendo promotions folks didn’t feel like switching one of the kiosks into “Guitar Hero” mode. I assume this was because it ensured that less people would be interested in playing at the kiosks, which made it easier for the Nintendo schlubs to pull the plugs before the clock had even struck 8 p.m. and spend the rest of the night helping themselves to some free booze while they tried to network their way out of the Nintendo promotions department.
Oh, but, yeah: the picture. These balls were hanging from the ceiling in the room where last year the “Guitar Hero” fun and good times reigned supreme. Balls indeed.
(Taken with my super-lame point-and-shoot camera, because getting a full-on SLR into some of the music showcases is a hassle, so I left it home.)