I Am the Eggman

I Am The Eggman

Ah, Easter. Each year, when Easter comes along, I get so excited that I can … hardly stop yawning.

Listen, spring is a nice concept in theory, but in practice? In practice, it’s cold and wet and muddy and let’s just fast forward to summer, shall we?

But tonight was the obligatory painting of the eggs, and the kids were excited, and I needed a photo of the day, and so here we are.

A few observations:

– That colorless-wax crayon they give you to draw on your egg a design that will remain untouched by the colorful Easter-egg dye? Flawed. Firstly, it doesn’t work that well to begin with, and secondly, have you tried to draw on a white egg with a colorless crayon? Because I have, and you know what? You can’t see what you’re drawing … which would make for a less-than-impressive final result even if the wax successfully fended off the dye (which, let me just reiterate, it doesn’t).

– The egg-dying kit? Not impressed. Very poor quality craftsmanship. The materials, the packaging—the overall egg-dying experience. I asked Wonder Woman if there was a top-of-the-line, Four Seasons-type egg-dying kit on the market, but she wasn’t aware of one. But wait: I’m suddenly having a vision from my youth as I’m writing this. Something about a rotisserie kind of a thing lathe (check out the big brain on Dave, who offered up “lathe” in the comments below) that holds the egg and decorates the shell via a clamp-mounted magic marker that moves down the length of the egg as you twirl it … hmmm … is that ringing a bell for anyone?

– Speaking of magic markers: wow, I wish I had thought of using magic markers to decorate the eggs. I’m pretty sure that would have held the kids’ interest much longer than the dipping-and-painting session. Plus, also, using markers presumably would have circumvented the post-egg-decorating moment when Zan started freaking out because the dye had stained his fingers and he wasn’t able to remove every last molecule of ink from his skin. (I believe Wonder Woman eventually succeeded by scrubbing it off with a toothbrush and some toothpaste … because, you know, you’ll do pretty much anything to stave off a potentially horrific end-of-the-day meltdown … which he hasn’t had in a while—and thank god, because the one he had tonight reminded me of the ones he used to have all the time, except that those ones were even worse, and did I mention that I’m curled up in the fetal position underneath my desk right now?)

So, anyway, we’re hosting my family on Easter Sunday. And, no, seriously: did I mention that I’m curled up in the fetal position underneath my desk right now?

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  1. Posted April 9, 2009 at 9:15 pm | Permalink

    My, my, aren’t you brave? Dying eggs in a white tee?

  2. Posted April 9, 2009 at 10:25 pm | Permalink

    Not only a white t-shirt…but with KIDS present! My messy kids….man they thoroughly enjoy seeing how messy they can make mommy in the process. So I have given up the white shirt concept. Maybe I’ll try the whole coloring eggs with markers….has potential to be cleaner. Maybe. My kids might start WW3 with markers. Hmmm

  3. Posted April 10, 2009 at 1:52 am | Permalink

    Whoa. Your post just sparked a memory and the subsequent unearthing of old Easter eggs that my daughter and I made several years ago.

    I had forgotten all about them! Thanks!

    I always liked a project like that. Happy Easter!

  4. Posted April 10, 2009 at 5:52 am | Permalink

    1. Nate goes to bed with magic marker on his fingers every night. He doesn’t care that it won’t come off. So perhaps he got lucky and did not inherit my obsessive/compulsive nature.

    2. I had one of those Easter egg lathes. Chances are it’s still at my dad’s house.

    3. We never had much luck with the clear crayon either. I always wondered how people created striped Easter eggs, but now I realize that every picture I’ve ever seen of one was an illustration. Perhaps they don’t exist.

  5. Posted April 10, 2009 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    My kids are on the very cusp of adulthood. I so miss dying Easter eggs. No.

    Love the picture though, all of you are adorable and the look of (boredom) NASA type concentration on your face – priceless. LOL

  6. Posted April 10, 2009 at 10:30 am | Permalink

    Too funny my 15 year wants to dye eggs and I gave her the look like are you kidding me what are you 5. I figure there is no chance of Mother of the year so why cave now! I hope you don’t have a sister like me, if so stay under to desk or start drinking now.

  7. Posted April 10, 2009 at 10:49 am | Permalink

    P.S. I mentioned you on my blog today, go have a look when you have time, just click the ‘Jo’.

  8. TheOtherJennifer
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 11:37 am | Permalink

    I hate that little wire dipping stick they give you – my eggs NEVER stay on. Our obligatory egg painting is Saturday night. But I love the marker idea instead of that stupid white wax crayon thing – I will suggest it to the Kid. Have a great Easter!

  9. Posted April 10, 2009 at 3:10 pm | Permalink

    I read this post to my kids and now they’re all “Screw Easter. It’s flawed and disappointing.”

    And then I put quarters in their therapy jars.

  10. Posted April 10, 2009 at 3:12 pm | Permalink

    My mom was always a fan of the plastic sleeves that had printed designs and pictures on them. You just slipped them over the egg and dipped it back in the boiling water for like 5-10 seconds. No mess. No dye. Happy kids. Maybe look for those in the future.

  11. Posted April 10, 2009 at 3:26 pm | Permalink

    We stopped decorating eggs as a kid after one year, we missed one that the “Easter Bunny” had hidden, and it subsequently rotted and stunk up the whole house so that my dad had to rent an industrial steam cleaner just to get the funk out of the living room carpet, which was white, and got stained blue where the dye had leached onto it, and during the steam cleaning process he slipped a disc in his neck and wound up having surgery and being in traction at the hospital for a week.

    Now, it’s plastic or nothing.

  12. Posted April 10, 2009 at 11:11 pm | Permalink

    I’m 23…and the prospect of dying eggs like this is too exciting. How did I miss out on this in my childhood?

  13. Julie
    Posted April 12, 2009 at 11:16 am | Permalink

    Lil Daughter had an egg dying party last year with a few friends. Now, those were some creative eggs involving glitter, feathers and sharpies. Lil Daughter was 21 and some of her friends were nearing 30. They cleaned up there own mess and then cooked their own dinner;)
    After dinner they hid the eggs in the neighbors yard for their little kids to find in the morning.

  14. Posted April 12, 2009 at 9:02 pm | Permalink

    Get rich by coming up with an egg decorating kit that really works. I know that’s easier said than done but…

  15. Laura
    Posted April 23, 2009 at 10:21 pm | Permalink

    One time, when I had dyed my hair myself, I discovered that I had gotten a lot of it on my skin (read: I made a mess of my face). You know what worked instantly and miraculously to remove it? My husband’s shave gel. I’ll leave you to wonder how I came up with that…

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