Our father, who art in chaos, procrastination be thy name

I know, I know: How the hell does a so-called “daddy blogger” with a blog dubbed “Daddy Scratches” not post anything about Father’s Day?

Well, mostly, it’s because he’s been too busy BEING A FATHER!

So, better late than never.

I had fun pulling together Wonder Woman’s Mother’s Day retrospective (or, rather, I was pleased with the result; the “pulling together” part isn’t all that fun) so I figured I’d give it a whirl with Father’s Day.

Father’s Day 2003

In 2003, Father’s Day fell four days after the birth of my first child, the one and only Zan. Here, we see all of the Scratches men together for the first time: my father, brother, Zan and I.

My first Father’s Day … and it was all so shiny and new that the soon-to-appear cumulative effects of ongoing sleep deprivation and inherent accelerated aging had not yet laid the smackdown on me, so I’m mostly just dazed and happy—although the shock of parenthood does appear to have caused my hair to suddenly begin turning white (either that, or I used to go to a salon to get highlights put in my hair, which would have involved sitting in a chair for two hours while someone lovingly wrapped my locks in little foil pouches … and I can’t imagine having that kind of time, nor being that much of a douche bag, so clearly, that’s not the explanation for my appearance above).

Let’s move on.

 

Father’s Day 2004

Three things worth noting:

1. The cumulative effects of a year’s-worth of sleep deprivation and inherent accelerated aging have most definitely begun to leave their mark.
2. My Dad and I apparently were having a “Who Can Grow The Ugliest Facial Hair?” competition … and I clearly was winning.
3. Zan and I are sporting our Red Sox duds; four months later, the Red Sox would win the World Series for the first time in 86 years after humiliating the New York Yankees. (I just like finding reasons to bring it up.)

 

Father’s Day 2005

I rest my case about the accelerated aging.

On a happier note: Zan presented me with these shirts for Father’s Day that year, and, for as long as he still fit into his, I loved loved loved wearing them together. He got a huge kick out of, I got a huge kick out of it and everyone who saw us together got a huge kick out of it.

He outgrew the shirt. I didn’t. So I still wear mine—exclusively at home, or, if in public, hidden underneath another garment. Walking around with a “Big Guy” shirt on while accompanied by your two-year-old, “Little Guy”-shirt-wearing son? Cute. Walking around with a “Big Guy” shirt on by yourself? Douchey.

 

Father’s Day 2006

Please imagine that you see here a picture of the Scratches family on Father’s Day in 2006.

Yeah, not sure what happened here. My iPhoto library jumps from shots of Zan’s third birthday to my and Wonder Woman’s Cabo Wabo adventure. Father’s Day was in between, and apparently not worth documenting.

I figured out what happened to Father’s Day 2006! Jayna ate it:

And it must have been pretty filling, because by that point in time, the bags underneath my eyes were more than a mouthful:

 

Father’s Day 2007

Remember that whole “Let’s take Daddy to Coco Key for his birthday!” thing? This was kinda like that. “Let’s take Daddy to see Thomas the Train for Father’s Day!”

Actually, this was a lot more enjoyable than Coco Key, despite the two-hour roundtrip drive and temperatures hovering in the mid-90s. And not only did it yield this almost-unbearably cute picture of Jayna giving her big brother a spontaneous kiss …

… but I also got to meet Sir Topham Hatt (yes, two Ts; I just looked it up) …

… so, you know, if nothing else, I had that going for me. (P.S.: How the person inside that costume didn’t immediately die of heatstroke, I’ll never know.)

 

Father’s Day 2008

Now THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about! This ain’t no Coco Key, and this ain’t no Thomas the Train; this is Daddy Scratches chillin’ like a muthafucka!

Sorry; my inner Samuel L. Jackson wanted to come out and play for a moment.

This is me floating in my in-laws’ pool. I remember this day vividly. Rarely am I ever this relaxed. No phone, no computer, no BlackBerry; just me, some floaty things and a couple Coronas, followed by a couple margaritas.

Of course, it wouldn’t have been Father’s Day without my kiddos, who by then were old enough to swim around in the pool unassisted. (Having my mother-in-law standing right there with them didn’t hurt, either.)

Which brings us to another reason why Father’s Day 2008 is the most relaxing one on record thus far: my kids had finally reached an age at which they no longer required constant, hands-on supervision during their every waking moment. On the Great Parenthood Timeline, that is a bitchin’ milestone to reach. (Hang in there, oh ye parents with babies; it gets better.)

 

Father’s Day 2009

Wanna see something mind-blowing? Scroll back up to the first two pictures in this entry, and then come back here to this one. Go ahead; I’ll wait.

Holy freakin’ wow, right?

Six years into it, I can honestly say that I have never experienced anything more challenging or more difficult than being a father. Fortunately, I also can say that I have never experienced anything more rewarding. Nothing in this world means more to me than my children, and nothing is more important to me than being a good father to them. Hopefully, I’m succeeding.

Happy belated Father’s Day, y’all.