I tried. Really, I did.
For the past hour or so, I sat here and tried to write one of my witty little entries. You know, one of those ones in which I piss and moan (in an oh-so-witty fashion) about my family’s maniacal schedule, or my children’s incessant cacophony of screaming/crying/whining/bickering, or the never-ending sleep deprivation my wife and I continue to endure, or whatever other parenting travesty has befallen us.
Thing is, that only works when I’m really feeling it—and I’m not feeling it. I have read some things in the past couple of weeks that, at least for this evening, have left me unable to conjure up even mock disgruntlement about my lot in life.
So if you’re looking for laughs (and god knows you’d normally be in the right place, because funny? Sweet Jesus, am I ever … and humble, too), look elsewhere, because I am about to bum you right the fuck out.
Several weeks ago, Nine Inch Nails bassist Justin Meldal-Johnsen posted a link to PABLOg!, a blog written by his manager, Jeff Castelaz, whose 6-year-old son Pablo was battling cancer. I visited the site at that time and read some of Jeff’s posts, in which he talked about Pablo’s ongoing struggle. The family—Jeff, his wife Jo Ann, and Pablo’s older brother, Grady—were determined to help their brave little boy beat that unholy fucking disease.
Here’s an excerpt from the entry Jeff posted last Saturday (6/27):
I want to tell you what Pablo’s last words were. Listen carefully, because this is the greatest testament to Jo Ann and her wonderful motherhood, and how wonderful motherhood can be with the right child and the right mother. Pablo’s last words were ‘I want Mommy!’
No, Pablo didn’t make it, and as I read about how he died in the arms of his mother and father and big brother, I bawled my fucking eyes out (and I’m on the verge of doing so again right now—in fact … yep, here come the tears, right on cue).
Last month, I came across a news story about Neil and Kazumi Putticks, whose son Sam had been left paralyzed from the neck down following a 2005 car accident, at which time Sam was 18 months old. On May 30, 2009, Sam died from meningitis. The next day, his grief-stricken parents (who also blogged about their son’s struggle) took his body and a bag of his toys to a nearby cliff and jumped.
While looking at my traffic stats recently, I noticed that some users were discovering my blog via a BlogHer link at Matt Logelin’s blog. I’d never heard of Matt Logelin before, so I spent some time checking out his site.
In April of last year, Matt’s daughter, Madeline, was delivered via an emergency C-section, after which mother and daughter were doing fine. Twenty four hours later, as he helped his wife prepare to go hold her baby for the first time, she died right in front of him from a pulmonary embolism.
These two shots were taken this past weekend, while my perfectly healthy kids swam in my in-laws’ pool:
… as was this picture of my beautiful wife:
So, um, yeah … I don’t have a single thing to bitch about tonight. Sorry.
Right?? damn well spoken.
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Thanks for snapping me back to reality and making me realize that I too really should have nothing to complain about.
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You are right and thanks for the reminder…..life is a gift. Have a wonderful Thursday!
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I think I just soaked the top of my 3 month old’s head in tears. But I also think this is the post that tipped me from occasional reader to adding you to my daily reader. Well said.
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Wow. That’s really all that can be said about that.
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There is tragedy & unfairness surrounding us daily & we could become consumed with sadness if we let it. Humans are a resiliant lot & counting your blessings certainly helps. You are a lucky man to have such a beautiful family.
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life is precious. Sometimes we need to be reminded.
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I’ve always been grateful for the health and stability of my daughters (who are now older than you). One must count one’s blessings!
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I like you more when you’re fuckin’ funny!
But that was a nice post. Sad as that stuff is, we all need a jolt of perspective now and then. You do have a wonderful family. And even if you do bitch and moan about them in a completely humorous way, it’s obvious how much you love them. Many fathers wouldn’t even take the time to notice half the stuff you do. Keep up the good work.
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Always hold your loved ones close and tight, because in the blink of an eye they can be taken away from you. I always try to find humor in life, and try to blog the same…but every day I’m reminded that our beautiful 20 year old daughter isn’t apart of that humor anymore…no thanks to the bastard that murdered her on 7/10/2009 (that’s right, in just one week it’ll be 5 years since that horrible day). So please…love them with every ounce of your being for every moment of every day!
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Thank you for the reminder to count our blessings each and every day. It’s so hard to comprehend why some things happen in this world. Sometimes the only thing we can do is hug our kids and loved ones and be grateful.
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I was in a funk this morning because I had gained 4 lbs since I last weighed myself. Thank you for bringing me back to reality…I have nothing to be in a funk about!
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I read your blog regularly but this is my first time commenting, this post just hits home…life is about perspective! It took the sappy one to make me comment, but keep those funny one’s coming…
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whether you’re trying to be comical or not, you still write an excellent piece. well said.
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There’s nothing sadder than to hear of the death of a child. I’ve been the luckiest mom in the world to have the happy, healthy kids I have. And honestly, I can say I even loved the sleepless years that you are having right now. I lost my best friend to leukemia when I was pregnant with my oldest son. After that, nothing was ever “that bad”. He was born, he was sweet and he was happy, just like his sister, and his future brother. last year I lost my other best friend after she had spent the last almost 6 years of her life in a nursing home from having had a brain aneurism. She was 41.
Wishing you all a happy, fun holiday weekend.
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You’ve got me crying now, too. I’m so blessed. My hubby lost his oldest daughter 5 years ago…the pain never goes away. Cherish those kids, Daddy Scratches.
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Well said. Thank you.
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–>Thanks for the reality check of how things could be so much worse if our kids were sick.
http://www.websavymom.com/
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Life is very fragile and temporary. I remind myself every day to cherish – but when kids act up or test our strenght, it is easy to forget. I have children who have health issues (one autism and one medical) and I have to remember that no matter how hard my road it – it CAN be worse. Children should never have to suffer from cancer or any deadly form of disease. Children are NOT suppose to die before the parents. My greatest fear…thanks for bringing it to light.
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I *just* read about Pablo this morning–so, so sad. It’s one more reason I ride the Pan Mass Challenge–I’ve been so ridiculously fortunate with my amazing husband and awesome boys that I ride for families like Pablo’s that have to struggle with that insidious life-sucking disease, cancer.
And thanks for the reminder. I spent the morning cursing at the damn rain when I should be counting my blessings! I love your blog.
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How am I supposed to swallow tuna salad with this huge lump in my throat?! Seriously, this was a touching post and a great reminder to all of us. I watched my 5 year old graduate preschool this morning and heard her sing “Lean On Me” solo, and between that and this post I’ve never felt luckier to have two perfectly healthy children (or more likely to sob at the drop of a hat) than today. Thank you.
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I think I like your writing now more than ever, and I’ve really liked your writing. Keep this piece close, Daddy Scratches, and the next time you want to smother the crying and bickering–go back and read it. But, I think you know that already. Nothing wrong with starting the day with a few tears instead of a few laughs.
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Yup, it’s all about perspective.
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Man, that’s tough to read. Your blog is great, even the sad posts.
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I, too, am blessed with two very healthy kids. I work with teenagers at work who are not so healthy and aren’t expected to live long lives. Life is very precious and very temporary.
Thank you for the links.
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Although your stories are hysterical and entertaining…sometimes it is what we need to read as a reminder of what to be grateful for…
Love you guys…and yes, I will give my girls extra kisses tonight while they sleep!!!
Have a great weekend!! xoxox
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This is so strange. I have had a very similar experience to one of the stories you just spoke of and even though it has been some time I absolutely deal by reading witty and funny little blurbs by you, dooce, and a few others. The REALLY strange thing is that I just today decided to put together a blog for anyone wanting to contribute funny stories and I thought of you. Wrong day right? I am thankful for what I have as even through the worst circumstances of loss we have grown. Laughter is healing. I hope you feel better tomorrow.
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Just read some of Pablo’s story. Haven’t cried this much in a while. Thank you for sharing this. What a startling reminder of the gifts we too often overlook.
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What a beautiful family you have!!!! And also thank you for reminding me to stop and appreciate my family, to never take them for granted. There really isn’t anything more precious. It really is the stuff of fairy tales, pretty much one of the only very, very, very, very few things that will actually make ordinary people say NO without a second’s pause if someone offered them all the money in the world as a trade. As cheesy as this sounds, I think love for family is what makes us noble and good and happy
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We all need those moments to remind us that what we’ve got ain’t so bad.
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Wow. I have a friend whose avatar accompanies this quote: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
We all could use a little more kindness, as you so eloquently point out in this post.
Took my breath away.
Thank you.
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And this … quite possibly … is your best post ever.
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These are sad stories, but sometimes it takes something like that for us to pull our heads out of our asses and realize just how damn lucky we all are. Thank you for writing, and especially for this entry. You and your family are beautiful people.
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Yes, hold your loved ones tight, and if this isnt sad enough I am so sorry for #10 Calamity Anne, how horrible and unfair. I just cant even imagine.
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Wow. I appreciate your honesty and even more so, like Scott said, for snapping us back into reality. Life is pretty darn good for most of us. And, unfortuntaley it’s really too short for us to keep sitting around complaining about the things we don’t like or are unhappy about…time to re-focus on the positive. Thanks, Kate
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No, no. You didn’t bum anyone out. In fact, I loved your post. There is a ton of sadness out there in this quick-spin planet of ours–but you know, even the nutty stuff cannot erase the incredible beauty and goodness IF we don’t let it. Your babies are so beautiful and your lovely wife is so lucky to have a man who sees it all once in a while. You’re doing good honey.
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Glad I stumbled on your blog. Thanks for keeping us positive!
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As I sit here pissed that I am at work and the crappy little things that happen to me, I am now grateful to have read your post. I try my best to not get the little things get to me or get to involved with petty stuff. This was the perfect post to get me out of my bs. Thank you! Hope you had a great weekend!
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Jon…so real, so compassionate….
nice contrast for us to experience…thanks for sharing more
of yourself today..
M-M (the babysitting grandmother- psychotherapist-artist)
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I read this after I put my 3 year old to bed for the 7th time tonight! I went back in an eighth time for an extra hug – thanks for the post!
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I had almost forgotten Matts blog. Heres to cherishing every day.
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I loved this post. I know the feeling well. You look at your life and you’re grateful for you what you have, but somewhere someone is dying or has died or just wants to die, has a horrible disease and is powerless to change it – and that’s enough to bear up under, for all of us.
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It took me a few days to respond to this post because I’ve gotten so emotional every time I’ve read it. We as parents are so lucky. So damned lucky to have our children (and ourselves) alive and healthy. That could change, any second of any day, but we get the privilege of sharing our lives with them right now and I thank God for every second. When Alex was 9 months old I had a go ’round with metastatic breast cancer and for awhile thought I wouldn’t get to see him grow up. So every day is truly a gift. Your post touched my heart, thank you.
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I came across your blog via Matt Loglin’s site a while back. I’ve enjoyed reading your writting on a daily/weekly basis!!! I continue to frequent Matt’s blog because of his ability to provide the perspective you mentioned and perservere/thrive in spite of his life.
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