See those shoes? If you have young children, you’re probably quite familiar with them. If not: they’re called Crocs … and everyone loves Crocs. Crocs rock. Except, c’mere and I’ll tell you a little secret: I think they suck, and I rue the day my children fell in love with them.
I don’t call them Crocs; I call them Trips … because I have watched my children trip and fall in them so many times — particularly Zan, who isn’t the most graceful or coordinated dude in the vicinity to begin with — that one would think I walked around throwing banana peels in their path.
I remember taking both kids out in our jogging stroller one summer day a few years ago, when Zan was barely three. He decided he wanted to get out and run down the stretch of sidewalk we were on. I encouraged him to instead walk, and suggested that running in his Crocs probably wasn’t a good idea … and, as always, he thanked me profusely for such sage advice, said that he knew I offered it freely and with no motive other than to keep him safe, and proceeded to carefully walk down the sidewalk. [comedic pause for effect] BWAHAHAHAHA! Oh god, I slay me! No, what he actually did was, he took off running anyway and fucking ate it. Tore up his knees and hands. Would’ve made for a terrific Crocs commercial.
In the years since, there have been numerous additional Croc-related tripping incidents. In fact, if you look closely at Zan’s latest pair of Crocs (shown above, and I’ll admit that the Red Sox theme makes them sorta cool, but it does nothing to improve their performance), you can see the scuff marks on the big-toe area, which is remarkably adept at grabbing tightly to the ground and sending the Crocs-wearer toppling ass over tea kettle.
You know who else apparently likes to wear Crocs? Grown-ups. This came as a shock to me, as I’ve only ever seen them on children, and I tend to think of them as toy shoes rather than actual adult footwear, but it’s true: there are grown-ups who wear Crocs … like these nurses, who have created a four-page messageboard thread about how some of them have suffered Croc-induced trip-and-fall smackdowns at work … and if ever I’m hospitalized, and the EKG to which I’m connected suddenly starts to flatline, and the nurse who comes running to resuscitate me trips and falls, and I die because my nurse was wearing Crocs, I’m going to be so fucking pissed.
Now, I will admit that, this year, Zan has rarely tripped in them, and Jayna has always been slightly more graceful than her brother, so tripping has been less of a problem with her all along … but rest assured that their propensity for causing trip-and-fall disasters isn’t the only thing I loathe about Crocs.
One of the things I really like about shoes in general is that they, you know, cover your feet … feet that otherwise would become filthy and disgusting if you left the house barefoot, and so, yay, shoes! Except, Crocs? Crocs are not shoes; Crocs are sifter-equipped dirt collectors. All those little holes are perfect for keeping out large debris whilst letting in plenty of filth, and I can’t imagine filth loving anything more than a pair of feet that have been incubating in a rubber shell, because when said filth meets said feet, the two totally get it on, like so:
This is how my kids’ feet looked just about every time they entered the house this summer … and though I’ve mostly resigned myself to the fact that, until my children grow up and move out, my house will never again look like two reasonably neat and clean adults reside therein, I simply can’t turn a blind eye to those filth-ridden feet.
Whenever Wonder Woman has taken the kids out somewhere while I’m working, and the three of them return home, Zan always enters the house first, removes his shoes (because we always remove our shoes upon entering the house, because that way we don’t track filth all over the inside of our home … you know, unless we’ve been wearing Crocs) and dashes into my office to say “Hi.”
“GAH! Look at those feet!” I exclaim as Zan begins to laugh. “Deee-sgusting! Go show Mommy right now!” I throw that last part in because, somehow, Mommy always seems surprised to find that the childrens’ feet have become completely filthy while they were out wearing Crocs, and she is probably reading this part right now and saying to herself, “No, I’m never surprised, I just don’t give anywhere near as much of a shit about it as you do, you neurotic asshole,” and, OK, but I still want her to wash their disgusting feet when they enter the house.
During the course of writing this, I’ve finally discovered one thing that I’m going to enjoy about fall and winter: no more Crocs. It does very little to comfort me over the loss of that wonderful, wonderful, truly delightful, do-lots-of-things-outdoors-and-go-to-the-beach season known as “summer” … but at least it’s something.
48 Comments
I’ve never personally seen the appeal in these shoes and now I know that I will definitely cross them off my list for my kids. Of course I’m hoping that by the time that they’re old enough to actually have a say in what shoes they wear, Crocs will be long gone!
.-= Tabitha (From Single to Married)´s last blog ..Married to An Older Man =-.
My son is suffers from the same thing trips and falls, most recent was on vacation and scratched his face. But they are his favorite thing to wear on his feet until snow comes. Hi Grandmother in all her wised seen these lined crocs that she felt would be great slippers, New crocs carpet let’s just say they seem to be lost someplace:). I know the feeling when he goes running in them I just cringe in worry.
And btw I do like my crocs as an adult for going to the pool in the yard they are nice and easy like flip flops
.-= Mark´s last blog ..Airplane Travel With Kids =-.
Ohmigosh my husband HATES crocs, so this made me LOL. I never thought of how dirty your feet can get in crocs. Gross.
.-= Jessica @ How Sweet It Is´s last blog ..Grown-Up Chores I Hate. =-.
I agree – I despise Crocs…but they were awesome when I was pregnant. Mostly because my feet were swollen to epic proportions and even wearing crocs that were much too big – I ended up with little circles on the tops of my feet where my swollen feet would press against the holes. They were the only shoes I could wear for the last two months.
Fortunately I have never bought them. And after seeing that I know I won’t in the future either.
.-= Thena´s last blog ..Gooey Butter Cakes =-.
I kinda like my crocs…am I a loser?
Very funny… you’re not the only on with such a distaste for those clown shoes, two very funny related articles:
http://www.newsweek.com/id/150240
http://www.newsweek.com/id/154409
–>I am not a crocs fan either but something makes me shudder when I see an adult sporting them and thinking they’re cool.
One upside, my toddler had a pair when he was first learning to walk and it was definitely the fastest thing to put on his feet before leaving the house. Then i met velcro.
~deb
http://www.WebSavyMom.com
.-= WebSavyMom´s last blog ..Spoiled by Grandpa =-.
Two words: MAMMOTH CROCS. Yes, shearling lined ones for winter. My girls’ dad bought these monstrosities for them last winter and you know how dirty their feet get in regular crocs…think of all that dirt trapped forever in fuzzy shearling!! There’s no way to clean them completely. Gross! I can’t tell you how grateful I am that kids grow so fast and they can’t wear them again this year…
I’d be pissed, too, if I died because my nurse tripped in her Crocs. I’m with you on that one.
I unfortunately bought these the same year every doctor, celebrity, and TV chef started wearing them. You briefly touched on the worst part, and that’s the fact that they are incubators for your feet. After about 30 seconds, no matter what the temperature is, my feet are dripping in sweat. There are holes all over them, but the Crocs don’t care. They suck.
.-= Joe´s last blog ..Used Shower Water Leaking Into Our House =-.
Whoa, I was thinking of buying some Crocs but I won’t now. I trip enough as it is!
.-= bornfamous´s last blog ..What’s this? A new post on Bornfamous? Can it be? =-.
I absolutely hate those things, they are so ugly.. but they are so comfy too. In the summer I am all about flip flops, I bought a pair of croc flip flops which aren’t bad.
Have you seen the article about little kids wearing crocs and getting their toes caught in escalators? I know I know.. one more thing for you to worry about.. I have escalator fears in regular shoes lol.
I also heard that hospitals were banning the nurses from wearing them since they have holes that fluids and stuff can get into as well as they can hold bacteria. So.. yea.. never mind you dying while they trip.. how about getting a super bug because the nurse touched her shoe and then touched you??
I know what you mean about summer.. I think it is time to pack up all the summer clothes, it is officially fall here in Vancouver. Sigh…
Kitty, you are not a loser, just a woman with really dirty feet!
I, too, have never gotten the Crocs things. I actually heard they were going to stop making them and was VERY happy. Just cause I think they are dumb.
.-= toadmama´s last blog ..It’s All About the Light =-.
you do know that they make crocs with fur in them just for winter – right?
funny post
I thought it was just my kids.
The daycare told me I had to stop sending my one-year-old in Crocs because they made him trip so much. At first I thought they were lying but then I paid attention and it was totally true. He trips a LOT more in Crocs than his real shoes.
But they ADORE their “cwocs” and the three-year-old will throw epic fits about his right to wear Crocs every day. But they started causing blisters on the side of his foot this year so now he has to wear socks with crocs, which takes away the only advantage of the shoe, which is how easy it is to put on.
Sorry to burst your bubble but my daughter has been wearing Crocs to school all year so far, with socks. So, her feet are clean but the socks are yukky.
.-= feefifoto´s last blog ..Strange And Bizarre October Holidays =-.
I think the teeny-tiny crocs on babies that don’t walk yet are *kind of* cute, but that’s where I draw the line. After that, they’re so ugly.
I was in the subway a couple years ago and saw a really good looking guy–he had on a salmon-colored button down shirt and black slacks. But thenI looked all the way down andhe had on orange crocks. With WHITE SOCKS. That’s a dealbreaker right there. It felt like a Seinfeld episode.
.-= val´s last blog ..TV, TV and more TV =-.
Gross!
Oh and you are very right. There were a series of unfortunate events that led to the banning of crocs at quite a few schools. I keep recalling one news story about a girl who had an incident with an excalator that always makes me cringe.
But they are so stylish! OK, I’m being sarcastic too.
.-= Dandy´s last blog ..Fisherman’s Warf =-.
Um… is excalator a word? Escalator.
My grandma used to wash my feet in the bathroom sink when I was young after a long day at the beach. I figured out later in life this was because she didn’t want her pristine clean white sheets muddied with my dirty feet. To this day, I wash my feet in the tub before I go to bed because I don’t feel clean unless I do. Never been able to find a pair of Croc’s that fit, I’ll stick to Clarks or Birks.
Crocs are horrible! Like sweatpants, just because they are comfortable doesn’t mean you should wear them in public!!
I hate Crocs too. We’ve only purchased one pair and luckily since they match his swim trunks we only wear them to the waterpark; where he knows there is no running.
I thought I saw something about Crocs being discontinued?…I don’t own any…I do the flip-flop thing…which is probably worse…then again, at least with flip flops the dirt can escape.
And what’s with the pins and “charms?” Those are like, road hazards.
http://www.booshy.wordpress.com
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..a theme? that’s like asking me to color inside the lines. =-.
Funny…my 4 year old always takes her socks off, so I was considering buying a pair of the fur lined crocs for the cold weather (1st pair ever). I have certainly changed my mind after reading this post and the comments. She can be a bit clumsy, so this purchase would probably result in too many ER visits (and copays) for my liking.
Nancy G. You said it. Crocs are horrible. I second the sweatpants idea, and would like to add spandex, pajama pants, and undershirt tank tops (the white ribbed sort that my husband refers to as wife beaters.)
There is a fan club on FB called: I Don’t Care How Comfortable Crocs Are, You Look Like a Dumbass.
Those feet pics make me cringe.
My youngest got a pair of crocs when he was newborn and I had to admit the tiny little things were cute. But he, of course, was not expected to walk in them.
Adults in crocs make me want to vomit and turn them into that “what not to wear” show.
Anyway, keep up the writing and the photography. You get better and better every visit!
.-= Karen´s last blog ..I’m pissed off =-.
Excellent post!
Even though we have so far kept our kids crocs-free I have lived that third paragraph many a time. As the advice is ignored and the don’t-run-or-you’ll-fall-warning comes to fruition, two things pass through one’s mind:
“NooooOOOOOOO!”
and
“Geez, all you had to do was listen to my wise and fatherly advice and you would still be promenading down the street with a full complement of unscathed epidermis and requesting the many random treats that you believe we can both afford and have time for.”
Finally, as a Crocfilth (TM) mitigation technique, I’m wondering if this product might be
adapted for feet:
http://nexus404.com/Blog/2006/12/01/spray-condom/
My son always wants those fucking crocs. They’re LIME GREEN and match only 1/4th of his wardrobe yet he wants them, so then I have to change his shirt to match those shoes. No Dean, no. We match our shoes to our outfit, not our outfit to our shoes.
Whoever thought of this idea of crocs as a good idea should be shot.
We have a store dedicated to Crocs in our mall. Seriously. Crocs. Crocs. and more Crocs.
And if they aren’t exactly Crocs, they’re shaped like Crocs. Tennis shoes shaped as a croc? Ugly as sin. Someone needs to go jump off a bridge.
P.s. love your blog, been reading it for some time… just rarely comment, I really should do this more often, but I’m lazy or something.
.-= Mommy’s Blend´s last blog ..Goodbye, Age 2. Hello next era of a small childs life. =-.
Mario Batalli wears orange Crocs faithfully, and has even been photographed wearing them with a tuxedo. I HATE THOSE THINGS. You are right on every account. My neices and nephews wear them and I swear you have never seen more clumsy children as when they wear those damn things! And they always eat it HARD. Furthermore, my sister who is a nurse has taken to wearing them because “they’re comfortable and clean up easy”. Why don’t you wear garbage bags on your feet then? ICK! However, I never pondered on how blood, guts, and bodily fluids could permeate said shoes and cause her an incurable foot fungus….this shall become fodder for my fire against Crocs. THANK YOU.
Did you ever read the book, “Cruel Shoes?” It’s very funny. Steve Martin wrote it.
–Matt Bamberg, author, http://www.amazon.com/Quick-Secrets-Using-Digital-Photographs/dp/1435454375
Im so sorry to inform you but there is actually Winter Crocs available now…with soft furry “uggboot-like” crap on the inside…i pray that no-one buys these ugly sins of footwear for your children.
^^ crap..someone already informed you…consider urself multiple warned
I hate these things, they are very popular here in Australia also but I refuse to buy them for the kids or wear them myself.
I used to work in the operating rom & some of the scrub nurses were wearing them, I hated to see them shuffling along in those damn crocs
i always have to laugh that crocs are still being worn. since they were developed in colorado(where i live) i remember wearing them to the jersey shore like 6 years ago and everyone made fun of me, and now everyone in every other part of the country is wearing them. they are so five years ago here in colorado. and most schools have banned them because the kids are always hurting themselves.
.-= dina´s last blog ..I am A Glassblower =-.
My baby just got a pair of “Trips” — she does much better when she rocks a pair of ankle socks with her plastic shoes. They also double as a teether…
.-= The Football Wife´s last blog ..The Original Little E =-.
I hate crocks too. Luckily my kids never wanted any (YET).
.-= the Provident Woman´s last blog ..Hot dogs Where They Don’t Belong =-.
As always i’m in awe of your photography skills.
I’m not a huge fan of crocs either, but I sometimes wear them just to anoy people who think only kids should. I’m a bit of an arse like that.
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Losers =-.
In the immortal words of my mother w/r/t the “jellies” that were popular in my day: “I don’t give a damn how cute you think they are, those ugly filthy things aren’t coming into this house, and you can cry until you turn blue.” I thought she was a tyrant until someone gave me infant Crocs as a baby shower gift (I turned around and Goodwill-ed those suckers).
The SMELL! What about the smell?? My 19 mo son wore these all summer long. Besides the nasty, dirty feet, the smell of those shoes and his feet when the Crocs came off was enough to make a grown man cried. Maybe my son had extra sweaty feet, but damn….that SMELL!
I’ve never understood the appeal of Crocs for kids or adults, although I do know adults who swear by them as soooo comfortable. I did a covert mission and went to a place that sells Crocs and tried them on and I swear I do not get it. How are they comfortable?? What is it about having those dozens (hundreds?) of pebbly things in the insole comfortable? Nope, I’m sticking to my Ryka mules.
.-= Jan´s last blog .."…their goodness does not perish…" =-.
As a nurse I used to wear Crocs at work but switched to New Balance cross trainers when I found they had way better foot support. I work in a Labour and Delivery Unit and thankfully never had a ‘body fluid incident’ while wearing my crocs. Many of my co-workers wear and love them. To each their own. Mind you they generate static electricity like crazy which is why they are banned in the OR.
At home I wear a pair of fuschia Crocs as a pair of slippers and love them. My kids both have a pair and love them also. Yes, they are filth magnets but I don’t mind since in the summer they have a bath before bed.
In the summer I’m a sandal girl, loving my Birks and Naots. Now with the seasons changing I have hauled out my ‘mammoth’ fur line Crocs for warmth. They’re comfy and keep my feet warm while running errands and to work.
P.S. I did have one magnificent Croc fall while wearing them at work, which was another reason to switch back to cross trainers. Thankfully, my kids don’t seem to trip in them like their mother does.
My 10-year-old has just finished her third summer with crocs, which means she’s on her second pair and has three years worth of charms. And for my four-year-old, for a long time they were the only shoes he could put on by himself — bonus! (Yes, I’ve told him not to run in them too, with similar results). They both know they need to wash their feet the minute they get into the house.
I put up with them because they ARE comfortable, and the charms my kids have collected make them extensions of their personalities. My son loves showing other kids with crocs the charms on HIS crocs. I’ve even bonded with my daughter over them, discussing why she chooses the charms she chooses (especially the ones she thinks I should wear — that’s REALLY fascinating). And I do own a pair — pale blue mary janes. Yes, they’re not fashionable, but I hate athletic shoes, and I want to be comfortable. The ultimate test — walking around an amusement park for 9 hours in 90 degree weather, especially a water park — I’m not going to wear anything else! On that trip this past July we all three wore our crocs, and by the end of the first day my husband was trying to figure out why he didn’t have a pair too!
Wow. I just read a few more of the posts on this thread and there are some virulent haters out there. Man, life is too short — some of you really match your kid’s shoes to his shirt? What, every day of his life? Relax! Give the poor kid some lime green shoes, let him have some fun! And you NEVER wear sweat pants in public. Really. Do you all step out every day looking like you’re on your way to a Vogue photo shoot? And the language that people are using — these are words usually reserved to describe the Nazi party. I hadn’t realized that a shoe could be such a scourge on society. The real scourge is this complete intolerance for anything that YOU don’t like. LIghten up!
(Or at least educate yourselves by going to the crocs website. They have some VERY attractive sandals and heels. It’s not all about funny-looking shoes with holes.)
I hate you haters!!! CROCS ROCK!!!
We discovered crocs at Disney World after day 3 and my feet cringed at the thought of stepping out of bed in the morning. We ran into a English gentleman who had on a pair and struck up a conversation. He explained that he traveled all of the time, and Crocs were “lovely” because they were extremely light (which they are), and extremely squishy (my words, not his) and they padded the feet well. We immediately rushed off to the closest store and paid way too much money to purchase Mickey Mouse crocs for the whole family. It saved our trip!
I now wear crocs on any trip we take. Yes, they are ugly. An yes, if you are a small child, they will gather all kinds of dirt. But my eight year old won’t wear anything but crocs, and we do not have any of the problems you have reported. He never trips and falls, his shoes are not nasty, nor are his feet, and his feet do not sweat and stink in these shoes. Of course, I do wash them in the washing machine every month or so.
These shoes will save your back, and the soles of your feet the major pain caused from any kind of walking done in an amusement park. They actually keep your feet cool, not hot. And if you are lucky like we are to have an outlet store near you, where you can purchase different colors for around $10.00 a pair, you can color coordinate your shoes with your outfit!
So, once again, Crocs Rock!
i love this post.
i hate crocs.
my kids love crocs.
i’m torn.
My 9-year-old has always been prone to tripping so I never bought her crocs (flip flops are a whole other nightmare BTW!). Luckily, her friend’s mom bought her a pair for her birthday and she couldn’t wait to wear them. I let her but she had to wear socks and the heel strap at all times. This solved most of the croc problems!
Love you blog! I came over from Dooce.
.-= Wide Awake Wife´s last blog ..Recliners =-.
My kids have several pairs of crocs now, and NOW I know why my son is tripping so much- I thought he was just clumsy….I have ONE pair for the garden= and yes, I admit I wear them to the store now and again….(Call me a clown)…but I think Crocs have a time and a place….beach, home, but NOT for athletic endeavors!