Monthly Archives: October 2009

One big blur of Halloween fun

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 30, 2009

Zan’s class had its Halloween parade today, and his Mario costume was a huge hit. Amazingly, in a group of three kindergarten classes and three 1st-grade classes, he was the only kid dressed as the ever-popular Italian video-game character … and when his class marched past the formation of 2nd-through-5th graders who were camped alongside the parade route, there was a robust chorus of excited “Mario!” cheers. Yeah, my kid’s the cool one. Go figure. At the end of the parade, Zan’s teacher grouped all the kids together so that the press pool — I mean, the parents — could… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 20 Comments

There’s a small chance that you don’t totally suck at parenting, and you occasionally might even see evidence that supports that theory

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 30, 2009

[NOTE: If you followed a link over here from The Pioneer Woman's article about layer masks, I was referencing the color-on-B&W photos contained in the entry below, so feel free to scroll on down if you'd rather skip the story and just view the pictures.] There are those of you, I’m sure, who think that this blog is nothing more than one big digital shrine where I can stroke my overinflated ego for all the world to see … and if you are among those who think that, all I can say to you, my woefully cynical friend, is …… [read the rest]

Posted in Life | 14 Comments

Spooky School

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 29, 2009

Last Saturday, I took Zan — I mean, Super Mario — to the annual Halloween shindig at his elementary school … and, as you can see, they really go all out. Those of you who were around last year at this time (like, all two of you) know from my Halloween ’08 recap that the truly spooky shenanigans will take place this coming Saturday … but this little excursion with my main man Mario was a good appetizer.… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 3 Comments

Performance art: ‘My Week So Far’

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 28, 2009

Photo credit: Jayna Blog? What blog? And how’s your week going?… [read the rest]

Posted in Life | 17 Comments

Morning light

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 26, 2009

This was the view outside my office window this morning. Sometimes, the Photo of the Day comes to you. Rarely … but sometimes. And Monday morning? Monday morning is a good time to have something happen with ease. Anything.… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 8 Comments

Sick Munchkin

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 23, 2009

After spending all of about five minutes in perfect health and wellness following her recent cold, the lovely Jayna developed croup last night, which meant I had to take another sick day to care for her while Wonder Woman was at work. Awesome. I took her to the doc around midday, and because of her cough, I was instructed to bring her in not through the front entrance, but through the back entrance, at which point I was to use the courtesy phone to call the reception desk and notify them that we were waiting in the quarantined airlock area,… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 3 Comments

Leaf

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 22, 2009

OK, so, basically, if you’re not a fan of macro photos of cold grass, wet grass and wet leaves on the ground adorned with really uncreative titles, then allow me to say “Sucks for you” “Sorry”; this has most definitely not been your week here. As for me, I’m completely entertained by these nature photos; I took them rather hastily, and I’ve found it fascinating to look at them on the monitor here and see all of the minute and beautiful details that were not at all apparent to me at the time I captured them. Plus, it’s not every… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 8 Comments

Do the dew

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 21, 2009

I told you it was even cooler than the “Frost” one.… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 18 Comments

Get real

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 20, 2009

Listen up, you mental patients: I didn’t really shove my kids into straight jackets straitjackets, duct-tape their mouths shut and slap chastity belts on my wife and myself. I would never, ever do such a thing … wear a chastity belt, I mean; I got a vasectomy years ago. Of course, I wouldn’t do the other stuff, either … in front of a camera. No, what you witnessed was the result of my mad Photoshop skillz … which I didn’t think would actually fool anybody; I thought you’d all just look at the picture and say, “Ha! That Jon and… [read the rest]

Posted in Life | 24 Comments

Frost

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 20, 2009

One of the only positive things about sinking into the dark and dreary morass of fall and winter is that many photographic opportunities not present at any other time of the year suddenly present themselves. With any luck, I’ll be able to stay focused on such things and avoid developing full-blown Seasonal Affective Disorder. You know what’s even cooler looking than these blades of grass adorned with frost? The shot I captured of the blades of grass on which the frost had melted. Something to look forward to for tomorrow.… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 8 Comments

Sorbet, anyone?

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 19, 2009

When I was 10, my parents took my brother, sister and I on our first big vacation. We flew from Boston to California, where we rented a Mercury Zephyr and visited Disneyland. The Zephyr had power windows, which were relatively new to us; had my parents used the money they spent on the trip to instead buy a car with power windows, we’d have been equally entertained. In addition to visiting Disneyland, we also visited Universal Studios … where, sadly, the “Jaws” attraction was drained due to in-progress maintenance. (There are few things more pathetic than an enormous, fake, Great… [read the rest]

Posted in General, Life, Music | 13 Comments

Olive branch

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 18, 2009

Before the whole Childfree controversy erupted last week, I was unaware of how completely inappropriate it was for my wife and I to have procreated, what awful parents we must be, and what a burden it is upon everyone around us when we take our terrorist-like offspring out in public. Now that I’ve been enlightened, I just want everyone to see all of the precautions we’re taking to avoid causing any further trouble.… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 24 Comments

Howzabout we just pretend I never said anything, and you can all crawl back into the sewer?

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 16, 2009

Wow. Just … wow. I’ve gotten quite an education over the past couple of days about a controversy I never knew existed. There apparently are battle lines drawn out there. On one side are the Childfree (a single word, I’ve learned), and on the other side are the Childed (what most people refer to as “Parents,” and what the angry faction of the Childfree movement refers to as “Breeders”; they also refer to mothers as “Moos” and fathers as “Duhdees” … and, I swear to Christ, I’m not making this up). When I sat down to write my “So now… [read the rest]

Posted in Life, Parenthood | 70 Comments

Because, much like FOX News, Daddy Scratches is Fair and Balanced (you know, except for the part where “Fair and Balanced” means “Loves to spread Right Wing propaganda and call it news”).

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 14, 2009

Well, then. So, it would appear that the whole child-free vs. having-children thing is what’s called a “hot-button topic,” as evidenced by the response to my previous blog entry. Now, just to clarify: my intention was not to point a big foam “Parents are #1!” finger in the face of every adult who decides to not have children and say “You suck and I rule!” It was to say to the couple of militantly anti-child folks who decided to use me as their mascot that they were missing the big picture. Obviously, given the nature of this blog, the majority… [read the rest]

Posted in Life, Parenthood | 17 Comments

Scrub-a-dub

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 14, 2009

See this child here with the little drop of water on the side of her shnoz? This is the child who, just a few months ago, was as disagreeable as a Tasmanian Devil with its nuts in a vice — about everything. No matter what was asked of her, or what she was told to do, she would scream and cry and protest and sprout horns and lay fiery waste to everyone and everything around her. Baths, for example. When bath time came, the screaming and crying and protesting would reach such a fever pitch that when I would lift… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 13 Comments

It’s over, Jonny.

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 12, 2009

About a month ago, Zan and I went to see the Red Sox play on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon. The game was awesome. The Sox won it by pulling ahead in the eighth inning on a two-run homer by Dustin Pedroia. We had a blast cheering them on and relishing the win. The picture above is not even close to being the best one from that day … but I’ve chosen it because of the man on the mound. That’s Jonathan Papelbon, one of the most dominant closers in the game. Yesterday, in Game 3 of the ALDS versus the… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 5 Comments

So now I’m the unwitting poster child for why people shouldn’t have children?

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 12, 2009

About four months ago, I tried to sell my kids. Except, not really. Over the weekend, I noticed a spike in traffic to the “Kids for Sale” blog entry, and subsequently discovered that it was coming from HappilyChildFree.com and Childfreedom.com, two sites that apparently are kind of like support groups for people who have decided to not have children. “Here is some mandatory reading for anyone considering having kids!” wrote the author of Happily Childfree. “I know he thinks this is funny, but the fact that most of it is true kinda makes it scary.” Let’s get something straight, Happily… [read the rest]

Posted in Jayna, Marriage, Parenthood, Zan | Comments closed

11 years

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 9, 2009

It was on a rainy Friday night exactly 11 years ago that the lovely and vivacious Wonder Woman and I tied the knot. It was on a rainy Friday night exactly 11 years later that we took our two beautiful children to dinner to celebrate our anniversary. So far, so good. I love you, honey. Happy Anniversary.… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 8 Comments

Let it begin

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 8, 2009

Wonder Woman brought The Shirt home from the dry cleaners today. Tonight is Game 1 of the 2009 ALDS, Red Sox vs. Angels. If you were here last postseason, you know how important The Shirt is to the team’s success. So here I am, in front of the TV, wearing The Shirt, as well as The Hat, The Watch and The Pajama Pants. Wonder Woman is sitting next to me. There are few things for which Wonder Woman would stay up past 10 o’clock. The first Red Sox playoff game of the 2009 postseason is one such thing, and since… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 6 Comments

We now return to your regularly scheduled blog, already in progress

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 8, 2009

I know it’s been six days since I wrote a full-fledged blog entry, but if it makes you feel any better, I have desperately wanted to do so long before now, and my failure to do so has weighed upon me heavily during every waking hour of every one of those blogless days … which, seeing as how I never sleep, means I’ve suffered lots of self-imposed failure-to-blog guilt. As I mentioned last Thursday, however, Jayna came down with a cold, and the days since have been one big ball of sleepless, coughing, nose-blowing, snot-wiping goodness. Friday, I took a… [read the rest]

Posted in Life, Parenthood | 17 Comments

Can’t slow down

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 7, 2009

This sign is located adjacent to Zan’s school, and I often end up parking right by it. On two previous occasions, I’ve said to myself, “Ooohhh … shiny lights! Me take picture!” and then attempted to shoot the pretty sign, and on both of those occasions, the camera said, “You left the flash card at home instead of putting back inside of me, dummy.” I finally got it right yesterday. I was going to use the photo as a jumping-off point to write about how I wish I could slow down, but I’m much too busy for that right now.… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 6 Comments

Homework

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 5, 2009

So the way this homework thing works is: Zan brings home on Monday a packet of homework that he needs to complete by Friday. Tonight, before dinner, he and I sat at the table to take care of some of it, me with the goal of helping him complete two of the seven pages. Now, let’s talk about a couple of pleasant surprises: 1.) We got through three pages of homework tonight. Three. Uno, dos, tres. And we were psyched and high-fiving and having a grand ol’ time. We’ve already had a couple “I don’t wanna do homework” semi-meltdowns here,… [read the rest]

Posted in Featured Photo | 8 Comments

Hewlett Packard wants me to feel bad about myself

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 2, 2009

I’ve had the color-inkjet printer shown above for just under six years, and if six human years are equal to 42 dog years, then 42 dog years are equal to 750 computer-technology years … which means, technologically speaking, my printer is … hmmm … times seven, carry the two … um … a billion years old. (I always sucked at math.) Zan recently needed to bring to school a picture of his family, so I printed one out for him. Here’s what it looked like: Turns out I had pretty much run out of ink, so I ordered some replacement… [read the rest]

Posted in Geek, Life | 22 Comments

Dishes are done, man

By Daddy Scratches | Published: October 1, 2009

Oh, the blogging I wanted to do today. I mean, when you have this much “funny” and “witty” and “sheer genius” pumping through your bloodstream 24/7, you need an outlet, you know what I’m sayin’? But here it is, 11 p.m., and I am just now finishing a day of working, and an evening of taking care of the kids, and helping Zan do his book report (because, you know, if there’s one thing 6-year-old kids who are spending all day, five days per week, cooped up in a classroom for the first time in their short little lives need,… [read the rest]