@ Christine – “I believe it’s possible to love your kids but hate the job of parenting (I see this among some of my single parent friends).” That’s it exactly! One of my best friends is a mom with 2 9-year-old twins. She went through a lot to have them and loves them to pieces, but not once have I ever questioned her love for them when we’ve gone out alone together and she unloads about a particularly hard time she’s been having or says she feels bad about our not being able to hang out like we used to before she had children. I think that “I love [blank] but hate the job of doing [blank]” applies to a lot of things. You’re doing what you feel called to do and doing it wonderfully by the sound of it – hopefully your mom will understand that someday.

Of course I wouldn’t do that… that’s just silly. And I wouldn’t seek out American Pride boards to troll about how much better off than them I am either. That would also be silly.

My volunteer work is with the School Scrabble program. Now in my 9th year, I visit several area schools and give them tips on how to improve their Scrabble game. I hold seminars and run tournaments. I have a stack of letters from happy middle school kids thanking me for my seminar. Another school’s group of kids gave me a plaque and wrote me a poem. I enjoy seeing the smiles on their faces when they tell me stories about how my tips helped them win a game. One of my tips “games” is having them try to match wits with me when I replay an actual game I played with a friend of mine. When they find the play I made, their faces light up with joy. So does mine.

Even though I am childfree, I enjoy making a positive difference in the lives of these kids. As one who was not a jock in grade school, I like being able to give some positive reinforcement to these kids who have also chosen an after-school activity which uses their brains, not their brawns. My being childfree makes no difference to these kids and their teacher/coaches; they are just glad I can visit them and share my Scrabble expertise with them while they look forward to my next visit.

But what I also like is being able to go home after I am done with this volunteer work and come home to a peaceful and quiet place, one guaranteed without kids or noise.

Imagine that, Christine and I, two childfree people, making such a positive difference in the lives of children. Sure beats Candyland, doesn’t it?

We have the best of both worlds!

I came here via a childfree blog and I will second (third, fourth) the reasons other childfree people gave for why we need those blogs despite being secure in our decision. When I realized I wasn’t called to parenting and that I could choose a life without children, it liberated me and brought me joy. I wasn’t frustrated until I started hearing what the “breeders” (as opposed to “parents”) had to say. So I sought out childfree blogs.

My mom recently gave me some of the bingoes people are throwing on this comment wall, and everything she said absolutely did not convince me. For example:

“There is nothing like the joy you experience when you have a life growing inside you.”
The thought of a human being growing inside me, sucking out my storage of iron, calcium, folic acid (and other vitamins and minerals), shifting my organs into completely different directions, stretching my fist-sized uterus to the size of a watermelon, kicking my insides to the point where it might burst my water bag, throwing my hormones out of whack to the point where I might have post-partum depression, disgusts me. My mother did admit that pregnancy as well as a clueless dentist were the reasons why she had dentures in her 30’s. We leeched all her calcium.

“There is nothing like a child saying ‘I love you/am so proud of you Mommy!”
I just don’t need to hear that to feel affirmed, loved or worthy. I’m a pre-k teacher and get hugs daily from kids. I feel more joy when my students finally “get” something I’ve been teaching them than when they say, “I love you, Teacher!” Also, I get called “Mommy” several times a week, which freaks me out. My assistant is actually a mom but they never call her “Mom.” It boggles my mind. How am I more motherly than a “real” mother, especially when she is more than ten years my senior?

“But if you don’t have children, the family tree will end with you.”
“No it won’t, Mom. My cousin had a kid and I’m sure he’ll have more. And [my sister] will probably have kids. And my half-brother will probably have kids. And my cousin who is getting married will probably have kids..”
“But your branch of the tree will end. Your DNA won’t live on.”
What’s so great about my DNA that it MUST be passed on? How is my DNA more special than anyone elses?

“But you’re the healthiest out of all of us.”
I’m healthy because it’s good to be healthy, not because I’m saving up for pregnancy. And I have no clue of how much pregnancy could throw my current health out-of-whack.

“But you’re a teacher. You know more about child development than any of us!”
Yes, I know a lot about child development BECAUSE I’M A TEACHER and STUDIED IT IN COLLEGE. I wasn’t taking child development courses as some sort of preparation for parenting. Those were some really expensive parenting classes!

She then proceeded to say that a woman is not a full woman until she’s had children, and I just stopped the argument there, because we were coming from opposite places. Clearly the saying is true: “East is east, and west is west, and never the twain shall meet.” There really was no way she was going to understand my point of view.

The bottom line is that yeah, the bingoes are condescending and fall on deaf ears. Sorry it took so long to get to that bottom line.

And for the record, I never questioned this dad’s love for his kids. I believe it’s possible to love your kids but hate the job of parenting (I see this among some of my single parent friends). I’m not saying this blogger hates the “job” but loves his kids. However, because I separate the job from the actual kids, I don’t think less of a parent who posts a “Kids for Sale” blog.

Maybe if children were not rammed down our throats every chance that presents itself, we would not have to have “support groups”. But my partner and I cannot even go out for a romantic meal for two without hearing some shreiking toddler or baby that should by all rights be at home, asleep. Constantly we encounter children in what should be adult venues. But if we compain, it’s “da ebil childfree”. We’ve been forced to go to extremely high-end restaurants to eat because the people who frequent those restaurants don’t drag their children everywhere and those who do bring their children along have taught them some manners.

Our entire culture is “children this, children, that” and the childfree are sick and tired of your “bingoes” and your insistence that children be imposed everywhere, even where they do not belong. We do not impose ourselves on your world except to comment in our own defense but you want children every****ingwhere and to hell with the right of others to an enjoyable time out.

So Andrea, you can take your condescension and put it someplace. If all you can look forward to is playing “Candyland” with your four-year-old, I pity you. Now excuse me whilst I go feed my mind and soul with something interesting.

If you’re just venting, though, please disregard this comment and I’ll shuffle my bare feet back into the kitchen. ; )