Before the whole Childfree controversy erupted last week, I was unaware of how completely inappropriate it was for my wife and I to have procreated, what awful parents we must be, and what a burden it is upon everyone around us when we take our terrorist-like offspring out in public. Now that I’ve been enlightened, I just want everyone to see all of the precautions we’re taking to avoid causing any further trouble.
- Today's "Worst Fucking Idea Ever" award goes to @Groupon: http://t.co/hOKOx7yDvS about 1 day ago
- Because we can't get enough baseball. @ Citizens Bank Park at the Phillies Game http://t.co/uUTZ4DwYnw about 4 days ago
- Phamily phun in Philly. @ The Kimmel Center for the Performing Arts http://t.co/UcStkNzNEt about 6 days ago
- "This is the last pistachio I'm going to eat before I put them away." - Thing I told myself 50 pistachios ago about 2 weeks ago
- I am now fully prepared to celebrate America's birthday. Or anything else. Doesn't matter what, really. http://t.co/N9xvwzfktP about 4 weeks ago
- Managed son's tournament-team game tonight. See story in tomorrow's paper under the heading "Youth baseball team gets own ass handed to it." about 1 month ago
More ways to love me
Letters to my kids
- The Cruel Shoes (53)
- I’ve narrowly cheated death yet again (32)
- Jeff Wing: I was sleepily stumbling around the global chit-chat bazaar when my startled eyes scanned ‘red...
- Samantha: Totally just creeper status-ed you and added you on all the social media things. You’ve got some...
- Jawa: You have no idea how normal you sound to me right now. I’ve had fake cancer at least half a dozen times....
- I’ve narrowly cheated death yet again
- And then I bought a spaceship!
- I traveled into the future and went snowboarding with my son … and I know it was the future because there’s no way I currently have a son who’s old enough to snowboard with me
- I’m basically replacing Howard Stern … except for the “replacing Howard Stern” part.
- It’s very important that one of you buy me a house on Florida’s Gulf Coast, because fuck this
- A fan’s-eye view of Howard Stern’s Birthday Bash
- If this shit keeps up, I’m pretty sure I’ll be sleeping at Howard Stern’s place this weekend
- The Week in Review: January 24, 2014 … a collection of bitching and moaning misleadingly presented as though it were part of an ongoing weekly feature that doesn’t really exist
- Fuck you, snow.