Be afraid. Be very afraid (that I’m allowed to raise children, that is).

The Crow ... again

Is it possible that this man’s children could ever grow up to be normal? Because I’m hopeful, but not very optimistic.

I’ve already documented how nuts I get on Halloween, but the photo above really demonstrates the extent of my Halloween-induced insanity.

I paint my face. Like The Crow. For no apparent reason. You know, other than the fact that it’s just what I do on Halloween. Because, when it comes to Halloween, I’m a freak. (Actually, when it comes to most things, I’m a freak … but particularly when it comes to Halloween.)

Perhaps the most glaring bit of evidence that speaks to just how freakish is my decision to paint my face like this is the fact that, thanks to my whole geeked-out rig of remote-controlled Halloween mayhem, the Trick-or-Treaters never even see me. I’m hidden inside the house. So, basically, I do it just to get in the mood. It’s like Halloween-geek lingerie.

Of course, this year was a bit different … because, as if pulling together my entire Disneyworld-esque Halloween extravaganza isn’t enough of a herculean task, Wonder Woman decided to kick things up a notch by allowing the kids to have a pre-Trick-or-Treating party inside our house. So, basically, what went down was, we had, like, a dozen super-amped-up, costume-clad kids and their parents cavorting through our home, all of them wondering who the freakazoid in the white-and-black face paint was, and why he was setting up a microphone, and a remote-controlled fog machine and flood lamp and strobe light and spooky-sound-emitting boombox, and a video monitor that surveilled the front yard (all the while swilling down Sam Adams). The fact that no one seems to have reported me to Child Protective Services is a relief (and, simultaneously, extremely disconcerting).

Zan — who has seen his father do this for six of the seven Halloweens during which he’s been alive — put his friends at ease.

“Oh, that’s just my Dad,” he informed them. “He’s The Crow … again.” Zan thinks I should come up with a new costume … but the sheer simplicity of wearing black and painting my face has not yet lost its allure, for the spontaneity it affords me is unparalleled. To wit: after contemplating not donning a costume this year, I decided 15 minutes before the Halloween party began that I would stick with tradition … and, thankfully, had just barely enough makeup left to pull it off.

The party culminated in the ceremonial waking of Mr. Bones, which Zan had been anxiously awaiting for the entire month of October. He had, in fact, busted out the Bones for a test run weeks in advance, and had lobbied to man the microphone when the official Waking of The Bones took place.

So Wonder Woman and the other parents ushered the kids outside and had them surround Mr. Bones’ pseudo-coffin while Zan and I huddled around the video monitor, him clutching the microphone in his white-gloved hand. Wonder Woman then guided the children through the script Zan had devised.

“Mommy,” he had instructed her earlier in the day, “the first time you have the kids say ‘Wake up, Mr. Bones!,’ I won’t do anything; the second time, I’ll make him yawn; the third time, I’ll make him wake up.”

True to his word, Zan did just that, and earned big laughs for the yawn.

From there, the kiddos went off to loot and pillage …

Halloween '09

… while I commenced to putting on the Mr. Bones show …

Halloween '09

… aided by my mother and brother-in-law …

Halloween '09

… (the latter of whom instigated several cardiac episodes by standing stock-still and fooling people into believing he was a scarecrow, then suddenly moving and causing those people to drop several years off their lives).

Also coming through with the assist was my mother-in-law, who traveled all the way from Philadelphia to be part of this freakshow:

Halloween '09

Now, I have to admit, when it finally came time to call it a night and tear down the whole production, I felt, for the first time that I can recall, like all of the work required to pull this off might be more than I can continue to justify. The thought of toning it down next year came to mind.

Halloween '09

A few days later, I’m still sort of on the fence … but, if I was a betting man, I’d bet that the wackadoo pictured at the beginning of this entry will be back at it again next Halloween. Because that’s just what I do.

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14 Comments

  1. Posted November 4, 2009 at 8:51 am | Permalink

    Normal is boring. The world needs more Dads like you!
    .-= toadmama´s last blog ..You’re Doing What? =-.

  2. Posted November 4, 2009 at 8:52 am | Permalink

    And I LOVE the pic of Jayna and your MIL. Your Mom came to help? Awesome. Now we know where you get it. The streak of insanity, that is.
    .-= toadmama´s last blog ..You’re Doing What? =-.

  3. Posted November 4, 2009 at 9:41 am | Permalink

    Halloween trumps Christmas in my house.
    I love your Crow costume. maybe you can squeak a couple more years out of it by adding a wig. (or better yet, grow your hair out. That’s dedication.
    I sadly attempted to scare my kids this year by hiding out in the basement wearing a Scream mask and cloak waiting for them to miss me, come find me and have the bejiggers scared out of them when I popped out wailing and flailing. Didn’t work as planned. They never missed me (how depressing is that?) so I was redused to sneaking up and midly making them jump. A little. While they laughed. Maybe I should let them actually watch Scream…

  4. Posted November 4, 2009 at 10:14 am | Permalink

    Oh, I had the long hair the first three or four times I did it. Not sure I could handle growing it out again, tho.

  5. Posted November 4, 2009 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

    You and my husband would make a great pair. I’ll have to give him some ideas with your geeked out Halloween. Jon builds a castle in front of our house every year. And each year it gets bigger. This year it was 70 feet long and 14 feet high. Check out my blog, or search for Jon’s Halloween Castle on YouTube by rottnluck.

    Cute pictures! And I so want to do a party at our house pre-trick or treating.
    .-= Sara´s last blog ..Honking Hank! Honk if you Love it! =-.

  6. Posted November 4, 2009 at 8:16 pm | Permalink

    I’m sorry…was your son Mario and daughter The Princess? They win. Your crow face can’t hold water… or a toadstool…or one of those sparky invincible stars…to the Mario Bros.
    .-= Jessica´s last blog ..dear me: you’re fucked. =-.

  7. Posted November 5, 2009 at 1:05 am | Permalink

    How I would love to trick or treat at your house!
    .-= Sonia´s last blog ..The Original Blond Bombshell =-.

  8. Posted November 5, 2009 at 9:58 am | Permalink

    Scary. That’s all I have to say about that.
    .-= The Football Wife´s last blog ..Help Wanted: Someone to… =-.

  9. Posted November 5, 2009 at 11:11 am | Permalink

    We LOVE Halloween at the Peevie household. Check out A. Peevie’s Luigi costume, which goes nicely with Zan’s Mario costume.

    You have way more energy than I do for production values, however. It’s all I can do to stick a couple of fake tombstones in the yard and hang up a screaming ghost. Actually, this year, I just let the kids do the decorating, while I polished off an entire bag of mini-Heath bars and napped.

    I love Halloween.
    .-= E. Peevie´s last blog ..Haz-Mat Clean-up in Aisle Three =-.

  10. Posted November 5, 2009 at 12:46 pm | Permalink

    This gave me that warm and fuzzy feeling most people reserve for the holidays following Halloween. For me? It’s all about the scary. Awesome. I was gonna say ‘don’t give it up, just do it, and do it bigger and better each year’…but I have a feeling that you’ll be doing that regardless.

    Just found your blog yesterday. Love it.

    (my go-to costume is always some form of dirty, grungy pirate/gypsy/dead person. or medusa. i do so love a head of snakes. this year? zombie gypsy. somebody offed me because i stole all their shit. yeah, i like a good back story ;)
    .-= Don’t Get Mad, Get Vegan!´s last blog ..Seitan Wellington…Swellington! =-.

  11. Posted November 6, 2009 at 4:30 pm | Permalink

    Gosh, I certainly hope you’re not as creepy in real life…
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..I’m A Dork =-.

  12. Posted November 6, 2009 at 5:01 pm | Permalink

    Ok, it is official, I need to hire you to help out at next years halloween party! lol Face painting was great! I’d so do it again if I were you.

    Looks very fun!
    .-= Mommas Soapbox´s last blog ..RACHAEL RAY BAKEWARE GIVEAWAY CONTEST!! =-.

  13. Posted November 11, 2009 at 12:18 pm | Permalink

    I love Halloween, too. You apparently really get into it. Your kids are adorable!
    Thanks for sharing the pics. I am just a tad scared of you in that face paint. ha!
    .-= Char´s last blog ..Gator Aide =-.

  14. Posted November 11, 2009 at 12:23 pm | Permalink

    PS~I like how the commenters last blog is linked. Is that a widget? Do tell. Thanks.
    .-= Char´s last blog ..Gator Aide =-.

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