OK, a final two-fer and then I’m done with this tomfoolery. Did I mention that, much like Marie Osmond, I’m a little bit country? No? Well, with good reason … because I can’t stand country music (unless it’s Willie Nelson, but that’s only because he’s my imaginary surrogate grandfather, which is a story for another time) … but this right here is funny: And I have definitely saved the best for last, because dig this: Oh, yes, people, that is some serious holiday comedy right there, boy-eeeee. Alright, thanks for humoring me. I promise I’ll get back to some bona… [read the rest]
Daddy's Briefs
- This hurts, but: I'm selling my #Dad2Summit ticket for $205. Current full-price cost: $350. So, yeah: It's a good deal. For you, that is. about 19 hours ago from web
- RT @HowardStern: Cory Booker Nails Marriage Equality In 5 Minutes http://t.co/vbORSEvC via @moveon @corybooker about 4 days ago from Twitter for iPhone
- If the new #VanHalen album kicked any more ass, it'd be wanted for assault. Full-body goosebumps. Dear @EddieVanHalen: Sorry I doubted you. about 5 days ago from web
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme: http://t.co/mkoOo7Du about 1 week ago from web
- Someone just found my site by searching the Internet for "middle aged male." Thanks for the reminder, asshole. about 1 week ago from web
- I love people. Especially when they stay away from me. about 1 week ago from web
More ways to love me
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Recent Posts
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme.
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”
- Happy Birthday to me … in NYC … Wait, come back. I promise I won’t try to bust out any more rhymes.
- If I had been any closer to the stage at that Van Halen show the other night, I’d be carrying Eddie’s baby
- That blow job I offered 2012? Already paying off.
Recent Comments
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme. (31)
- Amber: oh wow! We just started our round yesteray, and I bought Ande’s mints for bribes today! I’d try...
- Kristy: As a long-time lurker but first-time commenter… that was beautiful *sniff, sniff*, heart-warming stuff....
- Kristin: Been there. Paid extra for the flavoring, only to have children immediately throw up the expensive medicine...
- Nicole: Brilliant! No other words.
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.” (40)
- Barbara: “having a dog is like having a baby … except the baby never advances beyond age two” Truer words...
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme. (31)
Greatest Hits
- The time I almost became a highly paid insurance mascot.
- The time I built a car … I mean, a high-tech doorstop.
- The time I committed the most embarrassing social gaffe in the history of embarrassing social gaffes.
- The time I couldn't free my daughter from a bath seat in which she had become trapped.
- The time I did my best to completely sabotage a dream vacation.
- The time I finally used my passport.
- The time I got a vasectomy.
- The time I hung out with Van Halen.
- The time I nearly burned down my house.
- The time I partied with all the cool mommybloggers and saved The Bloggess's life … sort of.
- The time I thought my son was going to get his ass kicked by a girl.
- The time I was forced to deal with an incontinent doll.
Merry Christmas!
As promised, here’s the annual Scratches Family Christmas Photo with Santa. What’s most impressive about this year’s photo is the fact that, unlike last year’s, I didn’t have to airbrush anyone’s face … my own included … which is nice, because, with my 40th birthday right around the corner, a second-consecutive year of needing to Photoshop the bags and wrinkles out of my face probably would have just accelerated the onset of what already is sure to be a spectacular mid-life crisis. But, hey, that’s not happening till next year. Now, if you’ll pardon me, it’s time to get back… [read the rest]