And if this doesn’t work, I’ve got a lead on a witch doctor
Thursday, January 7, 2010Shortly after I turned 30 (you know, roughly a decade ago… and, yeah, there’s a thought that really cheers me up, thanks!), I climbed into bed one night with a book that I had seen lying around the house for at least a year or so: “Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood through Adulthood.” I assumed that it was just another of the many clinical books that Wonder Woman had accumulated as a result of her social-work career, but I had been on the receiving end of a number of ADD jokes over the years, so I decided to give it a look.
When I reached the bottom of the first page, I turned to her and said, “How long have you known I have this?”
“Pretty much since we first met,” she answered.
She hadn’t wanted to shove it down my throat. Figured I’d get to it when I was ready. You can see why someone might fall in love with a woman like that.
Prior to actually researching it, I had assumed that the sum total of having ADD meant that one was daydreamy and easily distracted from the task at hand … kind of like a cat who sees a shiny object. It turns out that there are actually 20 far more varied characteristics that serve as a criterion for the diagnosis, and damned if I don’t possess all 20.
(Side note: I Photoshopped away the wrinkles under my eyes because I am a vain bastard who can’t handle my own aging and mortality. Thank you.)
I come from a blue-collar New England family that historically frowned upon using half an aspirin to relieve the pain of a severed limb, so taking medication for a mental-health issue was right up there with setting myself aflame and naked bungee jumping into a pit of boiling oil on my list of “Things For Which I Possess A Natural Inclination.” In fact, having a mental-health issue in the first place wasn’t necessarily embraced in the ivory towers of my upbringing, so it took me more than a year to get from the point of having my ADD epiphany to actually seeking professional help.
Ultimately, I was prescribed Wellbutrin — though I initially had no intention of getting the prescription filled, let alone popping pills … but Wonder Woman convinced me that it was worth a try, since I could always stop taking it if I decided that it wasn’t working or that I didn’t like it. Thus, I gave it a whirl, fully expecting to feel absolutely no difference in my overall mood, demeanor and ability to cope.
So imagine my surprise when it greatly diminished the extent to which I am an irritable, easily agitated, brooding, moody asshole. (And right now, anyone who has known me only during my Wellbutrin-taking days and is learning that I’ve stopped taking it is like, “Fuck, really? Daaaaaaamn, dude, I don’t think we can see each other anymore.”)
Those 20 characteristics I mentioned? My son seems to possess many of them himself, and has also displayed some other sensory, emotional, sleep and mood-regulation issues, above and beyond what one would typically consider “normal.” I have written about some of them before.
Fortunately, he is excelling at school, has lots of friends, and successfully participates in a number of extracurricular activities. (During a parent/teacher conference that we attended just before the holidays, we shared with his teacher some of the challenges we’ve experienced with him, and she basically reacted as though we were talking about someone else … which we consider a good thing, and a testament to just how hard he works to put his best foot forward when he’s out in “the world.”)
Unfortunately, however, he has remained prone to having major meltdowns over seemingly minor issues, and though the frequency of these meltdowns has diminished with age, our concern about them has magnified due to the fact that he has become self-aware enough to browbeat himself about his failure to avoid having them and his inability to calm himself down when they do occur.
He also has shown a tendency to get upset due to certain audio stimuli. For example, if he’s had a particularly rough day and it is time to bathe, the noise of the water from the showerhead hitting the tub can bring him to tears.
Which brings us to The Mysterious Holistic Treatment to which I’ve alluded in recent posts. I shall now let Wonder Woman explain further, via an excerpt from an email she wrote to our families about the process:
About a year ago, maybe more, Jon and I decided to stop blaming ourselves for being crappy parents and realized that we had some real concerns about Zan that, had they been medical , we’d have done something about already, but because they were harder to figure out, we were instead doing a lot of rationalizing and hoping that they would go away. Unfortunately, that strategy didn’t work, and although some of the issues have improved with age, most still remain in a more six-year-old version. So, we started exploring some options and talking to professionals about ways to help him. He was asking for it in the best way he could and we needed to do something.
Our search led us to AIT (Auditory Integration Training). The best website to explore if interested is http://www.aitinstitute.org.
Now, if you’re so inclined, you can go to that site and get a more professional, in-depth look at the process and all that it entails. The bottom line for us is that the treatment has been found to help rectify the issues with which both Zan and I have struggled, and because I believed we’d have a greater chance of getting him to cooperate with the process if I undertook it with him, I did so. (And please note that, although autism is one of the primary conditions for which AIT is widely used, neither of us is autistic … although I’m an excellent driver.)
The AIT site can give you the long version of how the treatment is conducted and what it purportedly does, but here’s the short version as pertains to my main man and me: last month, Zan and I each spent 30 minutes, twice per day, for 10 days, listening to music fed through a machine that modifies the audio output in such a fashion that the sounds hitting your ears help retrain the way your brain processes auditory input.
By the end of the treatments, we were seeing some definite improvements with Zan … but research shows that the short-term gains are generally replaced by a pronounced regression into the undesirable behavior for three to six months before the long-term benefits manifest … and, holy motherfucking sweet sister mercy in a corset, the regression is in full swing. But you probably know that by the way the earth has been shaking around dinner and/or bedtime every night for the past couple weeks. Sorry ’bout that.
Based on the regressive behavior Zan is demonstrating, I’m led to believe that my moodiness, short fuse and general disgruntlement are the result of a similar regression in response to the treatment, and that the cessation of my Happy Pills is exacerbating that regression … but the cessation of the Happy Pills also was one of the reasons I subjected myself to the process, so it’s kind of a necessary evil.
So there you have it. Funny? Not so much. Entertaining? Perhaps, though I doubt it. Every now and then, however, I need to use this blog to document and process things rather than to just make an ass out of myself for all of the Internet to laugh at, so I hope you’ll bear with me.
In related news: Thank you to everyone for your supportive and encouraging comments. I had no idea that my readership was so chock full of similarly fucked up individuals. It’s nice to know I’m a lightning rod for the anxious and the depressed … I think.
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Ahh! It all makes sense. I understand this more than the average bear. I have an Autistic son, who has a lot of auditory sensory issues. & Mom’s ADHD…who’d a thunk it. I hope the regression doesn’t last long for either one of you. & I hope you are able to stay pill free.
Best of luck & all of my support.
I stumbled across your blog when you posted the link in a Dooce comment & I’ve been hooked ever since. Thank you for sharing your experience. Zan is a lucky little guy to have you & Wonder Woman on his team. I hope this treatment helps you both tremendously.
On a side note, I live in Alabama & we’re expecting 1″-2″ of snow today (ETA 9am, ends at 9pm). *Gasp* Run to the store, buy all the bread & milk! OMG We’re all going to diiiiiieeee! School actually closed today & tomorrow in expectation of hazardous roadways & generalized letsallfreakthefuckout syndrome. This happens once a year & it never ceases to entertain me. I keep thinking back to the mounds & mounds of snow that you guys get that lasts all winter & how fun it would be to see everyone here have to deal with that.
When I first went off my meds & decided to “fix” myself everyone thought I was nuts, well more so than I already was lol! I started a trial & error phase, things that worked I wrote down & put into full time use. In the beginning I found that changing my attitude/thoughts had an incredible affect on my depressive states. When a negative thought came into my head I immediately wiped it away & replaced it with a more positive but realistic one. Turns out years later doctors started teaching this method to counselors so they could use it for depressed clients. They call it talk therapy.
Another thing I found to work was meditation. Some nights I cannot go to sleep without it. If I’ve had a rough start to the day I stop everything I’m doing & meditate, it centers me, gives me a second chance at a more fulfilling day.
Now you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you this
I read through several articles on the LiveStrong site you linked to and saw that these same therapies were being used for ADD and other mental health issues. I read over the 20 characteristics and found myself picturing my husband. I’m always jokingly telling him he has ADD but it seems now that he may very well, truly have it. I’ve been helping him use talk therapy and meditation in his everyday life. He recently deployed and I can tell in our conversations that he hasn’t been keeping up with our regiment. Now I can help him better understand what’s going on with himself & point him in the direction of the website you shared.
Your post has been incredibly eye opening for me. Thank you so much for sharing your personal struggles & laughs.
You are an awesome Daddy. Best of luck to you both!
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I’m so glad that you and Wonder Woman are helping Zan and realizing that his struggles are real. I think many parents don’t address their concerns because they are afraid it may show they are bad parents, when 99.9% of the time that wouldn’t be the case.
Zan and Jayna are very lucky to have you both. Thank you for being so open and honest on your blog.
Magan – I live in Georgia. Our schools are closing at Noon today because of the chance of 1 or 2″ of snow. We are all gonna die too!!!
Well done and good luck to you both! (I think Wonder Woman might need some good booze on hand while you guys adjust!)
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Hey, we did something like this with my younger one (tomatis) and while it was super-duper expensive, it really did help. We did four sessions over a year period. Best thing we could have done, in my opinion.
Hope it helps you tons!
The Domestic Goddess´s last blog ..What You Should Know Before Owning a Dog
PS – sometimes it works great. And sometimes it works super-duper well and my kid still needed meds. But that’s ok, because there was still improvement.
The Domestic Goddess´s last blog ..What You Should Know Before Owning a Dog
Thanks for your insights. I look forward to hearing more about this journey. I used to leave books about adult ADD around for my husband but he won’t even begin to entertain the idea that they could relate to him. His picture could be right up there with yours as a poster child! Anyway, the books helped me find ways to help him and we’ve been married 20 years and are doing pretty good but it’s interesting to hear a male point of view on this! Thanks!
–>I think it’s wonderful you’re suffering through it together and I hope it works long-term.
I read the characteristics list and think i suffer from just this one, Often creative, inituitive, highly intelligent.
on twitter: @debthaxton
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Wow that makes me wonder about myself! My brother was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and was put on ritalin. He is in his mid twenties and only takes ritalin for school as it helps him focus, otherwise he doesn’t like the way it makes him feel. I wonder if this would work as well? I’ll suggest it to him.
Hell it may work for me too.
I hope the regression part goes quickly and you guys start feeling/seeing benefits from this!
Dear Jon,
I am humbled by your honesty and willingness to share this journey with all of use. I do believe sometimes that writing can be therapeutic. Your son is really fortunate that he has two parents who are willing to lift the blinders, acknowledge that there is a problem and make the effort to find help for him. We all want to do whatever we can to make life easier for our kids. Unfortunately, some parents aren’t willing (for various, sometimes dumb reason) to make the effort to figure out what’s really going on and then to find a way to help their child. Zan will, undoubtedly have an easier time growing up if you are able to help him to minimize the effects of ADD to an acceptable level. I applaud your willingness to do it with him. Although I believe your son benefits greatly from this, you, too, will benefit.
Keep it. The results will be worth it. (I hope none of this process changes your writing though cause your blog….is awesome).
Dorice
p.s. your wife rocks.
My sister did the AIT training with her son. He was having severe speech problems and 2 years of early childhood speech classes at the school (3-5 years old) she decided to try this. HOLY COW!! His speech was 150% better within months of finishing this. It’s amazing.
ugh, I meant to say that the two years of speech at the school had MINIMAL results.
That is very, very interesting. I think it’s great that you guys looked beyond the typical to what some might consider a non-traditional approach. After all, traditional approaches work only when they, well, work.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you all…
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Simply put, I think you are amazing. Amazing to do this for you. Amazing to do this for your son. Amazing that this might make you a better, not that you were lacking in the amazing department before, person as a whole. I’m going to check out that site and document it as one of my permanent resources.
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Oh yes, one more thing. After taking closer look at that list, holy crap I think I have ADD.
Karen´s last blog ..This Just In…
I will have to look further into this audio thang… I have realized I am ADD since researching my son’s issues. We didnt have “labels” back in my day-we were just BAD kids!
While I am currently using some fantastic little pink pill for long term depression (see Gully’s last comment).. I also see improvement in my orgainizational skills. I have long realized I need to concentrate heavily upon punctuality, and while I am often a hour early, or even a DAY early, I am rarely late anymore. But the pills have robbed me of my ability to read for hours on end. I am not sure if the trade-off is worth it.
I THINK I FEEL A PEDICURE COMING ON! Hang in there, bro
I’d like to add my thumbs up to you and WW for looking for things to help Zan! My son has ADHD/ODD/SID and is just on the cusp of the Asperger’s scale. I would also stake my stash of chocolate on the fact that my DH has ADD too, although he disagrees (my son’s psycologist says I am right).
I am going to check out the site you linked to. I totally understand about the shower water being too loud. I also understand about not wanting to utilize 1/2 an asprin for a severed limb (“just walk it off!”)
You are to be commended for your honesty. WW is to be commended for putting up with you and the next time I am back in MA for a visit, I owe her a drink!
Uh, yea…check me off as another one that shares many of the ADD characteristics. Somehow I have wrapped my head around them and use them to my advantage!
As for auditory therapy…there are certainly amazing results to be found. We use auditory therapy to help my daughter with her many sensory issues. If we play the wrong music at the wrong time or at the wrong volume it can totally screw her up, but when played correctly the results are amazing!
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Best of luck to you and Zan. You are a great Dad!
This is my first vist to your site (popping over from http://thiswasntmyplan.blogspot.com/). Love it!
Best of luck to you and Zan. I look forward to reading more about your progress.
Wow. That is so amazing you picked up on Zan’s auditory distress like that. I swear there are certain sounds that just set me off, and I wonder if I’m the only one hearing the dog whistle that’s driving me batshit.
I didn’t even know this therapy existed. I’m sure you opened up some doors for people reading this!
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You might find this book interesting, too.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.html/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/186-9604904-3357901?a=0060932929
Interesting! Random question… who are those there peeps in the picture?
Wonderful, moving and candid post. Here’s another resource you might want to explore (I just ran across the site; I have no testimony, pro or con, to offer):
http://www.nomorefakenews.com/laurabio.shtml
Wow. This entry helped me realize me and my father have ADD as well. I’ve already ordered that book you mentioned, though unfortunately my dad’s not a reader so I’m going to have to figure out a way to talk about it and actually have him believe me.
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