At last, the big birthday post … except, not really

And now, finally, a birthday tale.

Except, not the big 40th-birthday-gala tale I keep promising and then never deliver. No, that again has been pushed back.

Seriously, though: I wasn’t just fucking with you when I said I planned to finally write and post that 40th-birthday-gala tale this past Saturday (although it did make for a mildly humorous punchline when Saturday came and went and I ended up not posting it after all, despite my assurances to the contrary, eh? Oh yes, what a chuckle; I am nothing if not unintentionally funny).

See, the thing is, my sister? Her first child decided to screw up my publication schedule by, you know, being all born and shit.

Yes, that’s right: my kid sister gave birth Saturday morning … via C-section … after hours and hours of labor and pushing and trying to get said child to make good her escape … but we of the Scratches bloodline possess spectacularly large craniums (yes, literally, in addition to figuratively) and said child apparently didn’t want to leave through the naturally occurring exit, so she had to be ushered through a hastily constructed emergency exit.

Which is why, on Saturday, rather than blogging, I was at the hospital doing some new-niece visiting.

And I’d show you her cute little face, but her parents have asked that I not do so, presumably because they don’t wish to immediately launch her from the womb into Jon’s Online Parade of Neuroses. Thus, the implementation of the new Daddy Scratches Privacy Button™.

But rest assured that there is a beautiful, healthy little baby girl under said button, and that I, in fact, did not have Wonder Woman pose with a swaddled loaf of bread simply to create for myself an excuse for not yet writing about my midlife crisis 40th birthday. It’s coming.

Meanwhile, Happy Birthday to my new niece, and congratulations to my sister and brother-in-law!

Love,

Uncle Scratches