And in tonight’s ‘News That Will Surprise No One’ segment comes this story…

Mercy! Uncle! Whatever the “I’ve had enough of this shit” code word is, I’m saying it.

Enough.

Listen, I tried. For almost three months, I was Wellbutrin-free, and during that time, I learned alot about myself — to include this interesting tidbit: WELLBUTRIN WAS MADE SPECIFICALLY FOR ME.

Do I want to be dependent upon a twice-a-day dosage of an antidepressant in order to be a functional human being? No, I definitely don’t. What I DO want, however, is to BE A FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING … and, for better or worse, I’m way better at doing that when I’m taking Wellbutrin.

I am a desperately moody person. I am easily frustrated and quickly angered. I am prone to blowing my stack with little or no warning.

Yesterday, Wonder Woman and the kids returned from a five-day visit with her parents. I had missed them terribly … but, within an hour of their return, after listening to the kids fighting and whining, and unsuccessfully trying to get my son to comply with what I was telling him to do, and having him respond by hitting me (albeit weakly), I ordered him to his room … and when he didn’t obey, I hovered over him and absofuckinglutely BELLOWED at him “GET IN YOUR ROOM!”

That might not look so bad on paper, and I know there are times when parents yell at their kids, and it’s no big deal … but there’s a difference between raising your voice because you’re trying to discipline a child who won’t listen to what you’re saying at normal volume, and exploding in an uncontrolled rage. I have been trying really hard for a really long time to not yell at my kids in an out-of-control way, and the sound that came out of me yesterday was inhuman. Demonic, in fact. It scared the shit out of him, it scared the shit out of my daughter, it positively stunned my wife, and it scared even me. I can still hear it in my head. I wish I could take it back.

Did he get up the stairs? Yeah, my scared, tearful, 6-year-old son got up the stairs after I fucking lost my shit on him … while telling me he hated me and wanted to beat me up … and I can’t say I blame him.

I understand that kids say shit like that. I understand it’s part of being a parent and that, generally, I shouldn’t take it to heart. But I also know when I’m wrong … and what I did to him was wrong.

And it made me flash back to when I was a kid … and my parents would scream at me … and my father would bully me … and that was generally the way things were done. I remember I started working out in the basement when I was about 12 or 13 specifically because I wanted to get big and strong enough to kick my father’s ass.

I don’t want my son to feel that way about me.

Last night, Wonder Woman had to go out, so I put the kids to bed by myself. As my son was getting into bed, I took him in my arms, and cradled his way-too-big-to-be-cradled body in my lap, and looked into his eyes.

“I’m sorry about what happened with us today,” I said. “And I’m very sorry I yelled at you like that. I should not have done that.”

“It’s OK, Daddy,” he said.

“No, it’s not OK. What you did was wrong, and it upset me, and I did something wrong back to you, and I shouldn’t have. What you did wasn’t OK, but what I did wasn’t OK, either.”

“I know. It’s just that, sometimes, when I’m upset, my mind doesn’t work right and I do the wrong thing.”

“I know, pal. And it’s Daddy’s job to teach you what the right thing to do is, not do the wrong thing back to you. So we have to work on it together, OK? We have to work on both doing the right thing, even though we’re upset.”

“OK, Daddy.”

And then I gave him a kiss and a hug and told him I loved him, and read him his books, and sang him some lullabyes, and rubbed his back.

And I’m trying to focus on the fact that, even though the part where I screamed at and bullied him and he got scared and upset and pissed at me was frightfully reminiscent of a dynamic from my childhood that I don’t want to perpetuate, the part where I addressed it at bedtime was not something I ever got from my father … so I’m hopeful that my capacity to add that piece to the puzzle will pay off in the long run.

Meanwhile, I know one thing is for sure: I didn’t have such a hard time dealing with shit, or lash out at people so readily, or experience such dramatic and unnerving mood swings when I was on Wellbutrin … so I’ve started taking it again.

Will I stay on it forever? I don’t know. I know it makes my liver work overtime, and I’m not crazy about taking something that does a number on my liver … but I also know that, lately, I’m feeling really overwhelmed and less capable of managing my life, and I didn’t feel like that (at least not to this extent) when I was taking Wellbutrin … so, for now, my liver can go suck it.

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47 Comments

  1. Posted March 16, 2010 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    –>Very grown-up of you to address things with your son and apologize. He’ll remember that more than what you were mad about later on in life. I think if you need them, there is nothing wrong with taking “vitamins” to help you feel like a normal person.
    .-= WebSavvyMom´s last blog ..Post It Note Tuesday =-.

  2. Posted March 16, 2010 at 10:20 am | Permalink

    I just recently made my way over here because I saw you comment on several other blogs I read. This post has moved me to tears. I’m pretty sure I could hear your bellowing in my head – but that is only because I have heard it coming from my own mouth before. As parents, we all make mistakes we wish we could take back – and you rightfully corrected yours with your son. Thank you so much for sharing.
    .-= Beth´s last blog ..Arrrrrg! =-.

  3. Jamie, Mom of 3
    Posted March 16, 2010 at 10:31 am | Permalink

    Sending you cyber-support. You did good. At the end of the day, you did good.

  4. Posted March 16, 2010 at 10:44 am | Permalink

    You are not alone. My kids never seem to listen and are making me yell way too often and I hate yelling. I have also had to apologize for my own bad behaivior – and it sucks. At least our kids know we love and care about them, even if we’re not perfect. Good job Daddy S!
    .-= Dcan´s last blog ..New Sunday shoes? =-.

  5. Posted March 16, 2010 at 11:08 am | Permalink

    You are a great dad. When you need reminding, just read back on some of the stories you have shared with us. Your kids will have fantastic times, and fantastic memories.
    .-= Teal´s last blog ..Sledding Party! =-.

  6. Posted March 16, 2010 at 11:08 am | Permalink

    Thanks for being so honest. Really.
    .-= Megan´s last blog ..Guess who’s back. Back again. Shindy’s back. Tell a friend. =-.

  7. Posted March 16, 2010 at 11:09 am | Permalink

    Yeah. You speak for a lot of parents. I always worry that my kids will think I am nuts because I can go from literally hopping mad to reasonable again. I hope they remember the reasonable side more often.

    My husband had a similar relationship with his father in that he doesn’t recall it being very warm and fuzzy (sadly, his father died when he was a young boy, so he didn’t have much time). He is adamant about those bedtime hours with our kids, and adores taking them to school because they can talk and share. I’m so glad he has that. Sounds like you do, too.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself.
    .-= The Expatresse´s last blog ..No Parking (on the Dance Floor) =-.

  8. Melissa
    Posted March 16, 2010 at 11:09 am | Permalink

    Breaking the cycle of being a parent that yelled to get their point across was one of my hardest challenges. It suddenly dawned on me they listen to me no more when I scream at the top of my lungs, in fact they listen less until like you said ‘you lose your shit on them’ and then you have terrorized them. My kids were about the ages of yours when I made the decision to change the cycle. Today they are 17, 15, and 13…I still have my moments but when I do, within minutes I apologize and we calmly discuss the situation. I wish you luck, it is worth it.

  9. Posted March 16, 2010 at 11:20 am | Permalink

    Dang – sounds like I could use some Wellbutrin!
    .-= A&EMom´s last blog ..Little A Turns Two! =-.

  10. Posted March 16, 2010 at 12:12 pm | Permalink

    Hey, you’re doing it right. Hang in there. And your liver can deal with alot — yay for self-regenerating organs!
    .-= RuthWells´s last blog ..Actual, Unretouched Dialogue =-.

  11. Posted March 16, 2010 at 12:51 pm | Permalink

    Huh. This feels like you were writing directly to me. I’ve been trying to gear up to weaning myself off of Wellbutrin, even though I still feel depression and mood swings. You are so right. Being a functional human being trumps being a drug-free insane one. Sigh…best of luck and hang-in-there-kitten-posters and all things like that.
    .-= rebekah´s last blog ..February: Ann’s Eulogy =-.

  12. Posted March 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm | Permalink

    Great heartfelt post. Not an expert, but, I am sure you already know this but part of being on anti-depressant also is getting a good support system. If you can afford it, a counsellor, therapist, or just a mentor that you can talk things with.

    Remember, children live what they learn and will likely mirror what they learn. If that makes sense.

  13. Gullible
    Posted March 16, 2010 at 3:15 pm | Permalink

    Jon, this episode brought back an incident when I yelled at my Alzheimer’s-addled spouse, “Just get in the god damn car!” Of course, we were in a hurry. Of course, he needed to zip, button, and snap everything on his jacket. Of course, he needed to get down on his knees and inspect the car’s underbody. Of course, he had no idea which door of the car he needed to enter, though I was holding it for him. I felt totally awful that I yelled at him. He did, however, get in the car.

    You, however awful you felt after the incident, had the courage to talk about it with your son, and that made all the difference. No excuses, no false pride, just plain old guts. Bravo.

  14. Posted March 16, 2010 at 3:26 pm | Permalink

    Kudos to you for being big enough to ask for help (in the form of going to a doctor and being honset with him/ her) and for being big enough to admit to yourself that you still need that help. I’m sure that was tough for you.
    .-= EG´s last blog ..Imitation =-.

  15. Posted March 16, 2010 at 4:08 pm | Permalink

    I think what is the best thing that came out of it, was that you understood what needed to be done. You are right, we all blow up at our kids…but sometimes we blow up when we don’t been to. Kudos!!

  16. Posted March 16, 2010 at 4:47 pm | Permalink

    You are a better parent than most for taking the time to talk it through with your son afterwards. Most people would have been too ashamed of their own behavior to bring it up again.

  17. Posted March 16, 2010 at 5:29 pm | Permalink

    Duuude, this brought tears to my eyes. I don’t have kids, but I was one once. It reminded me of the rageaholic homes I grew up in.

    But I don’t recall ever hearing an apology for the screaming (and busted up furniture).

    *tips hat to you*

    Ahh, Welbutrin. Shit, I miss that stuff. A lot. After being on it for two of the most brightly colored, tasty and sensed-enhanced weeks of my life I broke out in hives. I started going into anaphylactic shock and had to drive myself tot he hospital. (Ah, another fun adventure I can blog about!).
    .-= Kernut´s last blog ..Funny Shit Someone Else Wrote… =-.

  18. LSS
    Posted March 16, 2010 at 6:20 pm | Permalink

    From someone whose parents NEVER apologized to them, I am so glad that you did apologize….it would have made a world of difference to me. *Sigh*

    You did the right thing – don’t be too hard on yourself. 🙂

  19. Melissa
    Posted March 16, 2010 at 7:57 pm | Permalink

    Since anti-depressents work OPPOSITE on me (like all of them), they make me think of suicide, and yes I am over 40. But I am not exactly depressed, I have anxiety disorder, and panic attacks. I take 2 xanax’s a day, and yes, sometimes I drink, which makes me extra mellow, but I cant imagine even getting out of bed without it. In fact the times I have tried I got right back in bed and couldnt get out. Without it I wouldnt be able to leave the house, converse with people etc. Yes, I am probably addicted to them, but its a hell of a lot better to be able to work and get out in the world. They dont make me high, as my body is adjusted to them. They make me be able to live and people to be able to be around me.

    After fainting at work a few times before starting them I decided something had to give. Lets face it, some people just dont have the chemistry to be able to handle certain situations. Lashing out at your kid is not acceptable, fainting at work is not acceptable. I think its a good thing that they have drugs like this now. A long time ago you would have been considered a terribly abusive person, and I would have been considered a nutcase.

  20. Posted March 16, 2010 at 7:58 pm | Permalink

    Although I don’t have kids, I did nevertheless lose my shit, as you said, on a very sweet cat who was being too demanding of attention at an inconvenient time. Scared him so badly he ran under the bed and stayed there awhile. It was only once but still. I wish I could have explained it to him but, bless him, he never held a grudge. I never forgot it — he’s been gone now for 7 years and I still feel guilty about it.

    Remembering how that bad that made me feel for so long is what’s kept it from happening again on other occasions when it might have otherwise. Hopefully, this event will have a similar effect for you.
    .-= Jan´s last blog ..Acquisition is complete! =-.

  21. Tracy S
    Posted March 16, 2010 at 8:28 pm | Permalink

    Jon, the apology to your son made all the difference. He will remember THAT act more than the yelling. You also modeled for him, that when we are wrong, we admit it and apologize. I’ve been there, done that unfortunately.

    I also need a pill every day to keep me sane. Mine is Paxil. I’m not depressed, but I have OCD. If I don’t want to turn into “Monk”, I gotta take my Paxil. Most likely forever.

    One thing that helped me be okay with that is this great doctor that had this to say,great doctor told me, “Tracy, I have a heart condition that requires me to take meds every day. If I don’t, I will die. Would you tell me to wean myself off of them and try being healthy without them?” I think I just looked at him like he was nuts. He then said, “why is it different for you?” Good question Doc. He then told me that society makes us feel that “mental illness issues” are something we can just pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and “get over it”. The reason some of us can’t? It’s not “in your head” it’s BIOLOGICAL, which is why the meds work. It’s helping the chemistry in the brain work properly, just like the meds he takes make his heart work properly.

    Once it was put to me that way, it helped me to just take them and be healthier.

  22. BeckieS
    Posted March 16, 2010 at 9:50 pm | Permalink

    It sounds and looks to me like you are a terrific dad. We all make mistakes but it is how we respond to them that makes the difference between failure and success.

    There is nothing wrong with taking medication that balances brain chemistry if needed…in fact, I think that is one of the best things a person can do for everyone who loves him (or her) as well as for him(her)self. You made healthy decisions all the way around. Good for you!

  23. Posted March 16, 2010 at 10:04 pm | Permalink

    I have been following you for the last year, and your honesty as a parent is wonderful. thank you for sharing the good and the bad. I read many of your posts out loud to my husband, and it has helped us as we have become new parents this year. While I never want to lash out at my kid, i know the day will come, and I hope I will swallow my pride like you did and demonstrate my love for him.
    .-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Waking Baby =-.

  24. Posted March 16, 2010 at 11:27 pm | Permalink

    I am the girl version of you. After that recent Newsweek article about the placebo effect of anti-depressants (http://www.newsweek.com/id/232781), I am starting to wean myself off of Lexapro. But I am sticking with my therapist, in the hope that I can learn to moderate my emotions with a behavioral approach.

    It’s painful to face the demons inside of us. Thanks for making it less lonely.
    .-= E. Peevie´s last blog ..Yet Another Fire in the Peevie Homestead =-.

  25. Meredith Quick
    Posted March 16, 2010 at 11:39 pm | Permalink

    Being able to recognize and admit your imperfections will do wonders for your son, and for your relationship with him. Keep it up.

  26. Gretchen in KS
    Posted March 17, 2010 at 1:19 am | Permalink

    Don’t kick yourself too hard–even unmedicated, you did the right thing. And if Welbutrin helps you, go for it. Hubby tried it to quit smoking and it did NOT help. Extreme paranoia, freaky personality changes, just was not himself. Even though he’s still smoking, I’m very glad he quit the Welbutrin. That said, I’m not a fan of “wean yourself off of what works” since my mom is bipolar, and she is not the sort to control herself on therapy alone. (I happen to know several folks who are bipolar, and all the ones I know need daily medicine. And each one takes a different medicine. We’re lucky there are lots of options these days.) Mom’s one of the guinea pigs, er, scratch that, the pioneers of modern mental healthcare. 😉

    Best to you and yours!

  27. Gail K.
    Posted March 17, 2010 at 6:35 am | Permalink

    I so see myself in what you wrote. and the really acary part is I can still lose my shit taking the Welbutrin (and Celexa). I have, however, been better at apologizing – it doesn’t change what I did, but it does show I know I was wrong.

    BTW, how come you have pretty prink pills? Mine are a bland white! Keep on rocking with Segar baby!

  28. Posted March 17, 2010 at 7:56 am | Permalink

    My parents were screamers and intimidators, and I learned my “skills” from them. I work hard to rein my temper in. When I feel I’m about to lose my mind, I call my husband over for backup. Most of the time this system works well. Once in a great while the beast breaks the leash and I find myself apologizing in much the same fashion.

    I hate being this way.

  29. Posted March 17, 2010 at 8:11 am | Permalink

    This is a great blog – I know what a struggle it can be to feel dependent on an anti-depressent. BUT, for me at least, they help tremendously. So even though some of the side effects totally blow, those little gems sure do make day to day life much more tolerable!
    .-= GinaRose´s last blog ..Now I Can’t Decide What’s Worse =-.

  30. Carrie
    Posted March 17, 2010 at 8:48 am | Permalink

    Hang in there Daddy-O!

  31. Posted March 17, 2010 at 10:05 am | Permalink

    Very cool post. I’m glad you were able to make the rough decision. Being honest about mental health is the best thing you can do for yourself, your marriage and your family.

    Cheers to Wellbutrin!
    .-= kara´s last blog ..Black Carl – local Phoenix deliciousness for your ears =-.

  32. calli wilson
    Posted March 17, 2010 at 2:24 pm | Permalink

    i stumbled on your blog from dooce.com, and just want to praise you for doing the best thing for you (and your family). as a newbie to the medicated world (lexapro) – every time i see that pill i just have to remind myself that it is the best thing for my hubby and daughter for me to be a sane person. drinks to you!

  33. Lindsay
    Posted March 17, 2010 at 3:04 pm | Permalink

    I can’t comment on the parenting aspect of this, having no kids myself (but I LOVE reading about yours!), but as someone else who is on Wellbutrin and other anti-depressants to maintain a normal personality, I wanted to praise your decision to go back on the meds. There’s usually a reason we are prescribed these drugs, and not all of them can be fixed through talking, exercise and positive thinking. Sometimes its just chemical, and taking the anti-depressants is the only way to fix it. I know that they enable me to be the best version of myself, something my husband appreciates, and I know that being the best possible version of yourself is something your family will appreciate. Don’t feel like having to take meds is is somehow losing – it’s just a medical decision that will improve your life – like vitamins!
    Good luck! My opinion might not matter much, but you sound like a wonderful dad to me!

  34. Posted March 17, 2010 at 8:27 pm | Permalink

    I know that voice. I own it, too. And whether you have medication or not — it comes with a side of guilt.

    Not sure what’s worse sometimes… controlling that voice or dealing with the guilt afterwards…

  35. Kristen
    Posted March 18, 2010 at 9:52 am | Permalink

    You are WAAAAAY ahead of the game here because you (1) realize you lost it when you shouldn’t have, and (2) you had the guts to admit it and apologize for it. A lot of people in our, um, condition don’t even realize what they’ve done, and then are too prideful to admit and apologize.

    And while I’m sorry you have to go back on it, I’m glad Wellburtin works for you. I wish it worked for me. SSRIs just turn me into a fat-assed zombie. /sigh

    Great post, and good luck to you and your liver!

  36. Posted March 18, 2010 at 3:38 pm | Permalink

    I feel like getting out some pom-poms & cheering for you… your kids will respect you for your ability to admit when you’re wrong and for taking the time to show that you love them. As for the Wellbutrin — I worked in a pharmacy and can tell you that A LOT of people take it! 😉
    .-= The Football Wife´s last blog ..Full House Beats a Potty Flush =-.

  37. Gayle
    Posted March 18, 2010 at 8:02 pm | Permalink

    Daddy,
    Good for you for trying an alternative, and good for you for realizing it was time to go back to the meds. I can relate to how bad you feel when you lose it with the kids. The apology makes all the difference. And you are teaching your kids that adults are not perfect either and make mistakes too. Your love makes all the difference and that is what is showing overall. Thanks for your honesty and good luck! Just take it a little easy on the tequila and your liver should survive also.

  38. Posted March 18, 2010 at 9:13 pm | Permalink

    Im a new mother, a new blogger but a “long time reader” of your blog, I just wanted to give you my support in doing what you feel needs to be done. I also want to congratulate you on how you handled the aftermath of your explosion…It was a beautiful thing you did and I would like to think I will do the same with my precious son if I ever forget Im the one who is supposed be in control…not lose it.
    .-= MummaTrash´s last blog ..My Introduction To The World of Blogging. =-.

  39. Posted March 19, 2010 at 9:23 am | Permalink

    I really enjoyed this post. Very impactful. I always worry that I will one day really loose it with Punky. I remember once shoving her down onto her bed when she just wouldn’t stop mouthing off. It didn’t hurt her, but I didn’t like loosing it like that.

    So big of you to talk to your son that way. What you said was perfect. I have a bad habit of refusing to admit when I’m wrong to Punky.
    .-= Colleen´s last blog ..Eat Your Words =-.

  40. Posted March 19, 2010 at 9:33 am | Permalink

    Ive been a Wellbutrinoniast for more years than I can remember. It’s been with me through menopause and the death of my husband 3 years ago. While I don’t have clinical depression, I’ve alway had nagging clouds of anxiety & negativity. I am different when I don’t take it. It keeps the clouds away and I’m more optimistic and motivated. I was reluctant to be dependent too until I realized my body didn’t naturally produce the endorphins I needed to function on an even keel. It balances my scales. It keeps me in control. It works for me.

  41. Posted March 19, 2010 at 9:42 am | Permalink

    Great post. I am glad that you shared that moment. I lived with a father who had much worse outbursts than that and not once apologized. Being a Dad myself I am always trying to be aware of how I treat my son, so I am never like my Dad. I think by being aware and talking about it later will surely heal any memory your son will have. In fact, it might even teach him that we all make mistakes, but owning up to them, no matter how hard, is the right thing to do.
    .-= Jeff Brown´s last blog ..Passing lane hero =-.

  42. Posted March 19, 2010 at 7:48 pm | Permalink

    Daddy Scratches, dude, take it easy on yourself.

    I, too, have blown up like that. I’ve sworn to myself I’ll never do it again, but here’s the thing, raising children is HARD work. They will challenge you and test you and take a jackhammer to your VERY LAST nerve. I’m not sure if you’ve seen the memo, but children are equal part little angel and little sinner. They can help you soar to heaven, or they can drag you straight in to hell. Now, I’m not condoning the blow up, but I am saying the fact that you lost your cool just means that you’re human. And the fact that you recognize you’ve lost your cool – which is uncool – and you need to do something about it, just means that you’re a great dad.

    Also, the more routinely I exercise, the more stable I feel. How’s your running going? If it’s not going very well, then get out and go for a walk every day. I promise it will help.
    .-= Jen & The Amazing Trips´s last blog ..favorite thing friday =-.

  43. reen
    Posted March 22, 2010 at 1:52 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for your honesty and a great post. I just want to say bravo to you for respecting and honoring your son by talking to him about the incident afterward instead of “brushing it under the rug” as so many parents do out of pride. As some other commenters have said, your bedtime conversation made a big difference in how the original event will be perceived and remembered by your son. It demonstrated honesty, humility, and respect. Well done.

  44. Catherine
    Posted March 26, 2010 at 12:02 pm | Permalink

    Ah Jon, I have had many of those moments….as a matter of fact today. You apologized, you didn’t let it go and eat at you. Your son will remember that his Dad admitted when he was wrong and you know what…you also have shown him that you aren’t perfect. You have faults and are aware of them and do what you can to learn from your mistakes. He will love you all the more for this.

  45. Gina
    Posted April 25, 2010 at 2:07 pm | Permalink

    I’m a long-time reader, never posted before. I missed this post as I had been away. Hope you get a chance to check this out. Its helped me out immensely.

    I’m bipolar and … well, stuff. Accepting and dealing with this really takes some personal strength; who wants to admit there’s something we can’t do on our own? If we take one med, will we have to take two? Three? Where will it stop? Well, it stops when we find something that works.

    If you’re concerned that Wellbutrin is wreaking havoc on your liver, there may be something else out there for you. I have no idea what you have and haven’t tried. The link I’m going to give you is AWESOME in it’s AWESOMENESS. Each medication listed has been tried by the panel that owns and operates the website. Simply scroll down the left to find your “malady,” then check out the medications.

    I wish you luck.

    And guess what? As long as you keep trying ~ with your kids, with your mental health, with your marriage ~ it all seems to pay off. I managed three boys, mostly on my own, and even though I had some times just like yours that I wish I could suck back in, I now enjoy a close relationship with them all because I was willing to say I was sorry. Kids are cool that way.

    You rock.

    Gina

  46. Gina
    Posted April 25, 2010 at 2:07 pm | Permalink

    And yay me, I forgot to include the link …

    http://www.crazymeds.us/

    Good luck.

  47. Posted January 4, 2011 at 7:12 pm | Permalink

    I can totally relate to your situation and have found
    myself apologising to my kids because I have said something that I
    am ashamed of. While on holidays recently, after 36 hours of me
    (solo Mum) not having any sleep, my son just would not be quiet,
    despite repeated polite requests from myself until I finally said
    “shut up”. Other parents might be thinking ‘so what’. But I don’t
    speak to my children like that, so I immediately apologised. My son
    and I still talk about that time Mummy said sad words and I keep
    apologies because I want my son to know that I am not perfect and
    when I make mistakes, I say ‘sorry’.
    Rochelle´s most recent blog post: Huntsman Spider take 2My Profile

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