Hi.

I spent about two seconds looking for some kind of stock image I could use at the beginning of this post — an image that would spruce things up while simultaneously conveying the distress and chaos that have abounded in my life this past week — but I quickly realized that the extent to which things have been distressful and chaotic is such that I can’t even feign having the capacity for the kind of whimsy that the use of such a stock image would require.

The past five days have been fucked. Not just fucked, but FUCKED. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Scary and tragic and horrifying and upsetting above and beyond anything I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.

And the really frustrating part of it as pertains to this blog is: I can’t tell you about it.

As I recently tweeted (god, has there ever been a more ridiculous-sounding, emasculating verb?): the kids are fine, my wife is fine, and I’m fine (aside from the whole unemployed/looking for work/trying to sell a house and move 350 miles away thing). Unfortunately, however, someone in my family is very much not fine. Someone I love and care about a great deal. And I have spent much of the past five or so days trying desperately to do everything I can to help this person, as have a number of other family members. And we are all scared and devastated and hopeful and cautiously optimistic and exhausted and worried beyond any kind of worry we’ve ever experienced.

And I’m sorry I can’t be more specific — not only because I feel like it’s kind of shitty to write such a cryptic entry that mostly leaves you in the dark, but also because writing about the big worries and problems and challenges in my life is often my most effective means of dealing with, and making sense of, such things, so I hate that I don’t currently have the option of processing this incident in that manner.

What I want far more than the freedom to write about this crisis, however, is for this crisis to just be over with already — or, better yet, to have never happened. What I want to write about is my Mexican vacation and my son’s seventh birthday and other things that don’t involve the scariest, most worrisome incident of my entire life.

But I haven’t felt capable of writing about anything else, because there’s an elephant in the room, and I’m not able to write about the other things in the room until I write about the elephant. And although I can’t actually write about the elephant itself in any degree of detail, I’m hoping that by at least acknowledging its presence, I can move on to other subjects.

Sorry for sticking you with such an unsatisfyingly vague entry, but I had to write something.

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33 Comments

  1. Posted June 21, 2010 at 10:48 pm | Permalink

    I don’t know where I found this quote, but it has been a constant staple on my desktop, and has seem me through many hard times.

    “Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities — always see them, for they’re always there.”

    Everything will work out the way it is supposed to. In the meantime, I hope you can find comfort in the people around you.
    .-= Jessica @ One Shiny Star´s last blog ..The perils of summer classes… =-.

  2. Posted June 21, 2010 at 11:41 pm | Permalink

    I will hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers
    .-= Ferngoddess´s last blog ..ATTENTION FOLLOWERS =-.

  3. Posted June 22, 2010 at 1:02 am | Permalink

    Good thoughts heading your way.
    .-= Gullible´s last blog ..Welcome to the World… =-.

  4. Posted June 22, 2010 at 3:19 am | Permalink

    I am very sorry about the difficulties you seem to be burdened with recently. It’s not fair because you sound like a decent guy. No karmic justice at play or anything. Sending you Big Hugs of Positive Energy and hoping it all resolves well and soon. Hang in there.
    .-= The Expatresse´s last blog ..In Which I Don’t Stick the Landing =-.

  5. Posted June 22, 2010 at 4:49 am | Permalink

    So very sorry to hear of your troubles and worries. Many good thoughts and prayers headed your way.
    .-= Gigi´s last blog ..Seeing as it’s Father’s Day, I suppose I should post something about Hubby. =-.

  6. Posted June 22, 2010 at 5:52 am | Permalink

    My thoughts are with you. I hope that by writing what you could you have felt a degree of weight lifted from your shoulders. Best of luck/
    .-= Kirsten´s last blog ..K(ay)’s Days =-.

  7. Posted June 22, 2010 at 7:42 am | Permalink

    Write about it anyway, just don’t publish it. It will help you process it,even if we don’t know the details.

    After sitting with my mother through 5 weeks in the intensive care, I have the following firm belief – ‘Being next to the bed is worse than being in the bed.’

    Mom lived and has NO recollection of those 5 weeks. I have vivid nightmarish recollections.
    .-= sara´s last blog ..Oreo, the creatively bankrupt publicity whore =-.

  8. julie
    Posted June 22, 2010 at 8:22 am | Permalink

    It’s hard to imagine so much going on for one family at one time. We’ll be thinking only good thoughts for your family. Stay strong and most importantly stay together, it’s all you can do. I hope your little bit of writing provided some needed therapy and thank you for letting us know your immediate family is doing alright.

  9. Gayle
    Posted June 22, 2010 at 9:04 am | Permalink

    {{{daddy}}} and for daddy’s family. So sorry you have to bear such pain and hope and pray things get better day by day.

  10. Posted June 22, 2010 at 9:30 am | Permalink

    Glad you checked in with your blog peeps. Sending good vibes out to you, and come back soon!
    .-= Meg at the Members Lounge´s last blog ..When CEO Equals Idiot =-.

  11. Jackie
    Posted June 22, 2010 at 9:33 am | Permalink

    Just letting your readers know there is something going on is enough. It’s ok to be cryptic. Somethings are just to personal even for a blog. Esp. if it is happening to a person that isn’t directly linked to said blog.

    Hope everything falls into place for you and your family.

    I will be praying for all of you.

    Jackie

  12. JB
    Posted June 22, 2010 at 11:38 am | Permalink

    I’m so sorry you are going through a difficult time. It does always seem like everything s—-y happens at once. Know that you have ours, the readers’, support, if that helps. (Or creeps you out. Whichever 😉 . j/k). I hope it gets resolved and you’re able to find peace and comfort soon.

  13. Jamie, Mom of 3
    Posted June 22, 2010 at 12:09 pm | Permalink

    I feel your pain. I’ve been in that situation myself. The anxiety can be almost claustrophobic. Sending happy, well wishes to you and those you love.

  14. Catherine
    Posted June 22, 2010 at 12:12 pm | Permalink

    H~thnking of you and your family. I wish you were able to talk about the elephant more. I agree it helps. Sending postive energy and thoughts your way.

  15. strange one
    Posted June 22, 2010 at 2:07 pm | Permalink

    I am sending positive thoughts in your general direction. And I agree with sara that you should write about the elephant and not publish it.

  16. Posted June 22, 2010 at 3:17 pm | Permalink

    Thinking of you and yours. Sending positive energy and prayers. Hang in there we will all be here when you are ready to write, talk errrrr…blog.

    Pam

  17. Posted June 22, 2010 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

    Jon – Thoughts are prayer are going out to you and your entire family during this time.

    I normally wouldn’t say what it is, but I have had a burden forced on our family this week too…and sometimes, hearing someone elses makes you feel better…just by knowing you aren’t in this alone… My 20 year old “daughter” (my best friends- who lives out of our state – daughter – who lives near me – that I love like my own) took a lot of pills (for the fourth time) to just drown the pain away… She was in the ICU for three days because of it… She is better and is now released from the hospital, but she is to go into rehab (again)… She is wanting to change this time…so we are hopeful that it will work… She wants to be better… She wants to stay clean… She wants all of our support… SO…she will get it…

    Since her mom moved out of state, I’ve become 2nd mom to her more now than before…so my heart aches so much for her right now… I hope that all works out the way you want it to…
    ~Kari Anne~
    .-= Kari Anne´s last blog ..HOT…HUMID…SOUTHEAST TEXAS… =-.

  18. Posted June 22, 2010 at 5:03 pm | Permalink

    Sending happy thoughts your way and hoping for a quick return to “normalcy” very soon.
    .-= Kara´s last blog ..Nesting, nesting, nesting + I made a dress…?! =-.

  19. Posted June 22, 2010 at 6:48 pm | Permalink

    I’m so sorry. Will be thinking of you.
    .-= Kate@And Then I Was a Mom´s last blog ..It’s my party and I’ll BlogHer if I want to. I think. Possibly. =-.

  20. Posted June 22, 2010 at 9:03 pm | Permalink

    Writing is therapy. Writing is therapy. Writing is therapy.

    So ok, you can’t go into details. So you had to be a little cryptic. Ok, a lot cryptic.

    You still did what you could to seek out the therapy you needed. Some self medicate with booze, others illegal drugs… You self medicate by writing.

    Stay strong, have faith in those around you and do what you have to do to bring comfort to those who need it right now. I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time. I’m sorry someone you love is going through what I can only assume to be a worse time. I’m sorry.

    We’re all ready for you whenever you decide you’re ready to write beyond the elephant in the room. Birthday’s, vacations, whenever you’re ready we’re ready to read. In the meantime do what you have to do, we’ll be patient. We love you even when you don’t entertain us.

  21. Posted June 22, 2010 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    Prayers, positive thoughts, good vibes — whatever you wish for — is coming your way. I don’t suspect many of us mind the vague entry. You’re doing the proper thing by respecting the person’s privacy.

    I hope you all stay strong, and I hope everything works out well for this person.
    .-= Just Me´s last blog .."Clique-ish Little Girls… =-.

  22. Posted June 22, 2010 at 11:29 pm | Permalink

    Hang in there, Mr. Daddy Scratches, and remember you’re not alone…
    .-= Isabel´s last blog ..NORMAL EARLY SUMMER EVENING =-.

  23. Posted June 23, 2010 at 8:49 am | Permalink

    Hoping things improve greatly, and soon. Thanks for writing. I know you do it as much for you as for any of us, but it’s a wonderful gift to offer up.
    .-= pvz´s last blog ..family: … little darlin’ … =-.

  24. Posted June 23, 2010 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    Sorry to read this…
    My advice is to keep it real. Keeping it real makes everything better.
    .-= muskrat´s last blog ..the importance of staying small =-.

  25. Posted June 23, 2010 at 2:39 pm | Permalink

    Sorry the world the world is heavy at the moment. But just know that by sharing what little bit you did, there is a whole lot of people sending love, prayers, positive energy and strength to you and yours.

    I hope you feel the love from us.

    Prayers & Blessings,

    Jen

  26. Posted June 23, 2010 at 11:56 pm | Permalink

    I’m sorry you have so many major life changes happening at once. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours, and hoping you are able to post a positive update to this post in the very near future. Keep a good thought!
    .-= Juliana at Kernut’s World´s last blog ..Too Much Valium Is Still Not Enough. Oh, And There Was Blood. =-.

  27. Caroline
    Posted June 24, 2010 at 10:16 am | Permalink

    I’m a longtime reader, but a first time commenter. I hope everything works out for the person in your family!

  28. Posted June 25, 2010 at 1:02 pm | Permalink

    the most frustrating thing is when you have no control over someone that has no control or has lost control. Sometimes a person needs to get into enough trouble to scare themselves straight or hit rock bottom and climb out. Until a person is ready and willing there is nothing anyone can do to help. It’s your blog and your right to be vague and private…you don’t owe any of us any explanations, but writing it out then ripping up the letter seems to help…that way the thoughts and feeling are out of your mind and transferred to paper. Good luck, stay strong and remember that somethings are out of your control. good luck

  29. Posted June 26, 2010 at 8:27 am | Permalink

    I love your blog, and I can gather that you are a man who has a big heart. Whoever it is that you are brokenhearted for is lucky in that they have you to help stand along side them. You have a lot of people pulling for you to pull for this person…lots of Daddy Scratches fans that will be praying and hoping for the best for you and yours!
    .-= Jill´s last blog ..I Declare War Against Beans =-.

  30. Posted June 26, 2010 at 10:58 pm | Permalink

    You’re obviously going through something leaving your brain unable to go anywhere but HOLY FUCK! Anyway, I hope this too passes for you. Sorry to hear about your (further) turmoil. In the meantime you’ve left me laughing at…”As I recently tweeted (god, has there ever been a more ridiculous-sounding, emasculating verb?)”

    Sorry if you find this insensitive in lue of your chaos. If you could just stop being so funny for a goddamn minute I could be a little more supportive.
    .-= BuenoBaby´s last blog ..Ending the week on a sappy note =-.

  31. Posted June 27, 2010 at 4:21 am | Permalink

    It would probably be futile to even attempt a post about anything else, you seem to want to explain but I think it’s good that you are keeping quiet right now 🙂 and, as always, the blogosphere will be ready when you are.
    .-= Raz´s last blog ..Knockout Stages =-.

  32. Julie Jordan
    Posted June 28, 2010 at 2:15 pm | Permalink

    Sending hugs to you and yours…

  33. Anon
    Posted July 6, 2010 at 3:29 am | Permalink

    I hope everthing works out for you and your loved one who is in trouble. Until then, just. hang. on. Take care.

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