Lest anyone think I'm not a total wild man...

Lest anyone think I’m not a total wild man…

Among the many things that I can’t afford, a new iPhone is one of them. So you can imagine my dismay when, while at work the other day, I quickly rolled my chair away from my desk without considering the effect my action would have on the cord spanning the distance from the earbuds embedded in my skull to the headphone jack in my iPhone — that effect, of course, being that the cord immediately went taught taut, yanked said iPhone off the desk and sent it crashing to the floor.

Being the spectacular shithead that I am, however, it wasn’t the first time I had done this, and on the previous occasions, the device had remained intact and undamaged, so surely I had nothing to worry about, right? Wrong.

The headphone jack didn’t work. The volume buttons didn’t work. The power/lock button didn’t work. The vibrate function didn’t work. I collapsed in a heap on the floor and wept openly.

After finally regaining my composure, I looked into what a replacement iPhone would run me. A short while later, I awoke to see a co-worker standing over me. He said that he had heard me scream “Six hundred and fifty dollars???!!!” just before I fainted.

Faced with the prospect of no longer having a functional iPhone, I knew I had to throw caution to the wind. Desperate times call for desperate measures … and it doesn’t get much more desperate than the thought of spending eight hours per day trapped in a cubicle with no iPhone.

Some people run with the bulls in Pamplona. Others take up skydiving. And then there are those who make the rest of the thrill seekers look like enormous pussies by doing something so unfathomably risky that it boggles the mind.

I TOOK APART MY IPHONE, PEOPLE.

It was touch and go for a while. Getting it open was terrifying enough, but putting it back together? That was downright traumatic. After making numerous failed attempts, I was pretty sure I’d never get it reassembled. Several tech-blog posts and geeky-messageboard threads later, however, I was again the proud owner of a fully functional iPhone. Also? Six hundred and fifty dollars richer. At least, that’s how I’ll justify the next $650-worth of stuff I buy.

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go get myself one of those red-white-and-blue Evel Knievel suits. I’m thinking I should be able to score one for about $650, right?

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16 Comments

  1. Posted August 11, 2011 at 6:17 am | Permalink

    Oh wow, you are a brave man! If you want to further test your bravery and brilliance, I’ve got a laptop that quit working after being dropped a couple of times….
    Gigi´s most recent blog post: How it came to be that I was making banana bread at an extremely early hour….OR…Proof positive that I am going….well, bananasMy Profile

  2. Posted August 11, 2011 at 7:45 am | Permalink

    Kudos! I’m impressed. Can I call you the next time one of us trashes an iPhone?

  3. Posted August 11, 2011 at 8:07 am | Permalink

    Not only taking the iPhone apart, but successfully fixing it is quite impressive! I’m sure everyone reading this is now in awe of your bravery and talent!
    I get a different kind of “ahhh” when people discover that I don’t even own an iPhone…not even a blackberry! I’m a 26 year old who has a phone with out any sort of internet access or music-playing abilities. You want to talk about brave???
    Loonybin´s most recent blog post: Scarred for LifeMy Profile

  4. WB
    Posted August 11, 2011 at 9:07 am | Permalink

    taught? ummmmm….

    • Posted August 11, 2011 at 9:27 am | Permalink

      It was midnight. I was delirious.
      Or maybe I was never taught how to spell taut.
      You’ve taught me a lesson. I feel like a tot.
      Happy now?

  5. Posted August 11, 2011 at 10:14 am | Permalink

    I would have never had the gumption to do such!
    Muskrat´s most recent blog post: traipsing through the whale’s vaginaMy Profile

  6. Posted August 11, 2011 at 10:14 am | Permalink

    I’d be crying my eyes out too. Well done Daddy Scratches, well done.
    katrina´s most recent blog post: Upside down? Downside up?My Profile

  7. Posted August 11, 2011 at 10:29 am | Permalink

    Inquiring minds: What did you do to the exposed guts that actually repaired it? In plain English, if you can will . . .
    Ranger´s most recent blog post: Maybe this time . . .My Profile

  8. Posted August 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm | Permalink

    I have done this to my iPhone so much that I got insurance on it. I use SquareTrade: http://www.squaretrade.com/pages/ . Only (I think) $11/mo. (No, I do not work for them or anything). Might be worth it if you are as accident-prone as I am….

  9. Posted August 11, 2011 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

    Hmm. Do I detect a bit of Jerome K. Jerome in your writing today. Have you been reading “Three Men in a Boat?” Whatever, your post today is funny. And scary. And brave. You deserve a special edition of a fabulous decoder ring.
    gullible´s most recent blog post: Mountains in the MistMy Profile

  10. Posted August 12, 2011 at 10:56 am | Permalink

    I think someone should compile a gallery of busted iPhones. Never have I seen so many images of the same object destroyed in so many spectacular ways! Congratulations for reviving your phone.
    Pink Dog´s most recent blog post: Personal Planning FailMy Profile

  11. Posted August 12, 2011 at 1:04 pm | Permalink

    A similar situation occurred here in Casa de MidLyfeMama to The Husband’s phone. Shattered the screen. And because we were not interested in spending that kind of money on something he could easily drop again tomorrow, he found a site selling replacement screens, and in 15 minutes had an almost fully functioning phone again. For some reason the speaker for talking on the phone didn’t work unless you used the hands free speaker. But he got that fixed by an iphone fixit place in town for $30. Go you!

  12. Posted August 13, 2011 at 1:04 am | Permalink

    I’ll admit, you’re a better man than I. My wife broke the screen on her iphone and i tried to fix it, but could not figure the damn thing out. I even had a step by step youtube video up and I couldn’t follow. I brought it to a local iphone repair guy. He has the screen swapped out in a few seconds and we were rolling out of there in under five minutes. $40. Not bad.
    Daddy by Default´s most recent blog post: Baby Products That Don’t Exist, But Should #1: The Diaper Containment UnitMy Profile

  13. LindaSalem
    Posted August 13, 2011 at 8:28 am | Permalink

    In future, if you find the phone is truly dead for good, you may be able to find a decent replacement on Craigslist at a working stiff friendly price. We got a 16 gig 3G phone for the granddaughter for $200 and it was in great condition. It had several colorful skins (?) which made her very happy. We were too.

  14. Stark Mom
    Posted August 23, 2011 at 10:29 pm | Permalink

    If you are close or out of your contract you can pick up a refurbished iPhone for about 100 bucks. I’m with AT&T. If you are too, you buy it through the AT&T website. I bought a 3g about 2.5 years ago and a new 4g a couple months ago. They are awesome!! The refurbs were recommended to me by an Apple store employee. It’s the way to go.

    Also, if by chance it happens again, try returning it. You never know. I have a friend that cracked the screen on his iPad and Apple gave him a new one.

    Good luck to ya!

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