He wanted to try football. Insisted, in fact.
“Don’t you want to play fall baseball instead?” I asked, hoping to nudge him in another (read: my preferred) direction.
“No, Dad. Baseball’s still my favorite sport, but I want to try football.”
Now, look: I don’t like football. I don’t watch football. Call me a pussy, but I just don’t dig the whole football vibe. I don’t get the culture of the sport, and I don’t get the sport itself, and when I hear that NFL music, I feel like the defensive line is going to run into the room, stick me in a frilly pink tutu, give me an atomic wedgie, chug a case of cold Coors Light, crush the cans against their skulls, strike a crab pose and headbutt each other while screaming so loud that their neck veins pop and their eyes bulge out of their sockets.
And, listen, that might change. I said similarly derisive things about baseball for the better part of 30 years before becoming a completely fanatical follower of that sport. Believe me: I’d LOVE to have a sport to look forward to after baseball season ends. Anything to make late fall and winter suck a little less would be a welcome distraction. Unfortunately, it just hasn’t clicked for me yet.
All of that, however, was a distant second place on the list of reasons why I didn’t necessarily want my son to play football, with reason No. 1 being: I’m not all that interested in having him use his body as a battering ram, nor in having him be a battering-ram target.
But, OK, he wanted to try football, and we wanted to be supportive parents, so we went along with it.
So the practices began, and they were two hours per night, four nights per week.
Let me say that again: Football practice for a group of 8-year-old children was two hours per night, four nights per week. And not from, like, 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. or 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., but from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.
And just as you would think that perhaps football practice for a bunch of little kids wouldn’t be two hours per night, four nights per week, 6 p.m. to 8 p.m., you also might think that football practice for a bunch of little kids wouldn’t be as intense and demanding as NFL training camp. But it mostly was.
And as Wonder Woman and I watched the first practice, I was kind of thinking (read: hoping) that Zan would decide fuck football. But he didn’t.
In fact, he was great at it. He’s large for his age, and he’s levelheaded, and he’s determined, and he has an almost fallible desire to do everything exactly the right way, so when they put him on offensive tackle and started doing contact drills, and they told him who he had to block, or who he had to plow through, he was a machine.
Toward the end of the second week, however, he started protesting when it came time to get ready to go to practice. And the reason he gave wasn’t that he didn’t like playing football; it was that he didn’t like the 15 minutes of calisthenics that the coaches put the players through at the beginning of each practice.
So now we had A Parental Dilemma … because if he sucked at football and the coaches were riding his ass and he was telling us that he hated the sport, then, OK, we should let him off the hook. But he didn’t suck at football, and the coaches weren’t riding his ass (they mostly thought he was a stud), and he wasn’t telling us that he hated the sport.
Plus, also, I pretty much felt that, if he was having that much trouble dealing with the pre-practice exercise regimen, it probably was a good indication that he really needs the pre-practice exercise regimen. (And, OK, I admit it: As an ex-soldier and a graduate of U.S. Army Basic Training, there will always be a little voice inside my head that greets these types of situations with a hearty “SUCK IT UP AND DRIVE ON!”)
So Wonder Woman and I huddled up (Get it? “Huddled up”? Like in football? Jesus, I slay me.) and decided that we should push him to at least stick with it through the first game, which took place last Sunday. We (read: Wonder Woman) even went so far as to say that we’d get him a new game for his Nintendo DS — which seemed embarrassingly desperate until I overheard one parent at the game say that she had promised her son the same thing, and another say that she had promised her son a dollar for every tackle he made. (PS: Where were these parents when I was a kid?).
He played. Quite well, in fact. And his team won. And he was psyched. And I was completely caught up in it, and loved watching him on the field, and loved the camaraderie between him and his teammates and coaches, and was somewhat surprised to realize that, holy shit, I wanted my son to keep playing football. (Also, as you can see, he looks like a total bad-ass in the uniform.)
Tuesday was the team’s first post-Game 1 practice. And when it was time to get ready, he was tearful and reluctant and clearly agonizing over what to do, because he didn’t want to go, but he’s never quit anything in his short little life, and he didn’t want to disappoint us or the coaches or his team.
We talked with him at length, and tried to encourage him to stick it out.
“What two things do you like most about football?” Wonder Woman asked him.
“Um … playing in the actual games … and … Oh! The cheerleaders!”
Right next door to the ex-soldier voice in my head lives the Cro-Magnon-man voice in my head. It took a completely inappropriate amount of pride in his answer.
“This is what we’re worried about, buddy,” I said. “It feels like you want to quit football because of the workout, and not because you don’t want to play football, and we don’t want to teach you that when something is difficult you should quit.”
“No, that’s not the only reason why I don’t want to do it anymore; I don’t like it. I wanted to try it, and I did, and I don’t like it.”
It was with tremendously mixed emotions that Wonder Woman and I accepted his resignation … which says something, because the practice schedule was wreaking havoc on our family’s routine, and neither one of us really wanted him to play football to begin with, and yet both of us really, really wanted him to stick with it. But he really, really didn’t want to.
So that’s that.
Up next: Fall baseball. Works for me. I like that better anyway.
38 Comments
I relate to this. My wife and I just had a little guy. Sports are not really a top priority, but if he wants to try he can certainly try and we’ll be there to cheer him on. Glad it all worked out in the end.
Congrats on the new little guy.
We had a similar tough decision to make with our oldest this year – only his decision had to do with whether or not to continue baseball. There’s that fine line to walk between teaching them a tough life lesson and being that whacko parent that pushes their kid to do too much.
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Yeah, I’m trying to combine the two by being that whacko parent who teaches their kid a tough life lesson.
You don’t like football? I’m not sure we can be friends any more.
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Who said we were friends?
*weeps and wails*
the muskrat´s most recent blog post: how she’s fared since coming out of the closet
Did he really say the bit about the cheerleaders? Or was that dad embellishing a little bit? If he did in fact say that the cheerleaders were part of what he liked best then perhaps he’ll pick it back up in high school. After all, he does look like a future heartbreaker in his uniform!!
In all seriousness, kids try things out, and if this didn’t work for him then it’s okay.
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I swear, he really said it. We were both a bit taken aback. Didn’t think we were at that point yet.
Dude, I want cheerleaders for my LIFE. Who DOESN’T want some cute little girls in pigtails cheering them with pom poms and stuff from the sidelines? That’s awesome.
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Football is a tough sport for kids at that age. When he is older hopefully he will dig football the proper way, (like Muskrat and I do) with a six pack of beer and bag of Cheetohs, on the couch.
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Definitely sounds better than actually playing football.
The best way to get into football is to join a Fantasy Football league. Unfortunately, it’s also the best way to get into divorce court.
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There are many things I like to fantasize about. Football most likely will never be one of them.
Yes, I threw a DS game on the table, but in all fairness, honey, you failed to mention that you offered him two tickets to a professional sporting event of his choosing if he stuck out the season!
This is true.
Have anything you wanna bribe me with?
Hockey? You don’t love hockey? That’s what gets me through the winter. I go through withdrawal after Stanley Cup playoffs. Well, until July and the Tour de France comes along.
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I can tolerate hockey better than I can football … but I wouldn’t categorize myself as a “hockey fan.” Must be awesome to have something to actually like about winter.
God, what a dilemma! Sports for the little ones can be torture. I almost ripped a cowbell from someone’s hands at a hockey game. Well, I thought *real hard* about it, anyway.
Why did you let him quit?
What if he finds a class in school he doesn’t like or finds hard, are you going to let him quit that?
And why bribe him to follow through on commitments?
When our kids (and yes this is our kids and our parenting philosophy and yeah, not everyone shares the same thoughts/feelings/etc etc blah blah I opened my mouth and therefore I’m going to finish my thought) when our kids asked to try a sport or something, we make them finish it. My son wanted to do football, we said okay. We sucked up the cost of start up and uniform and fundraising, etc and we sucked up the time suck the of practice (3 hrs a night 4-5 nights a week) and game schedules (sometimes 2 games a weekend) and told him – you may not quit. You must follow through and see it to the end. If you decide not to sign up again next year that is fine, but this year football owns your ass. And he made it. Yes there were bruises (which probably hurt me more than him – he’s my baby) and there was a lot of time spent on football fields and driving to football fields and washing stinky sweating football uniforms BUT at the end of the season, when he had completed the full season, he was proud of himself for finishing and not giving up even though the bruises and calisthenics sucked for him and even though he spent so much time in football. He has played 2 seasons now.
Our daughter wanted to play soccer and did whine about the amount of running during games (cause soccer practice is kinda wimpy and doesn’t prepare them for games, at least at her current age group). She knew ahead of time she wasn’t allowed to quit either and she didn’t ask once. She played 2 seasons too.
There were several players in both respective sports that were being bribed to play and finish a season by their parents and most of those players were allowed to drop out, to quit, before the season was over.
Okay, you can start bashing me now.
You and your kids are awesome.
And, yes, if he doesn’t like a class at school, we’re going to let him quit the 2nd grade … because that’s the same thing.
Daddy Scratches, your reply just made my day.
ohyeah. this is the *correct response* As a parent (and one of 2 boys at that) of baseball boys from 1st grade thru high school, I could not understand the mentality of parents who did not give their kids an out, when it came to sports. School and sports are not on the same playing field (lol) and that is the difference. I think every new parent should be handed a manual when it comes to this, and every parent coach should be thoroughly screened for psycho nut tendencies before allowed to coach.
Completely disagree with Daddyscratches on this one. Sports, music, dance, whatever the “extracurricular” (and I’ll save you the diatribe on this bs) activity is is JUST AS VALUABLE as the 2nd grade. You want to do baseball? Football? Cheer? Swim team? Play the trumpet in the school band? I don’t care what it is, but if you pick something, you STICK with it, through the season. Why? Because it’s not just about the kid and if he likes the exercises or the sport or the work involved. It’s about there being a team of other kids depending on him. Sure, at 8 it’s not that big of a deal. Until that lesson bleeds to high school, and college and whatever else he decides is too hard and wants to quit. Those lessons don’t go away.
If I learned nothing from working in schools for many many years, it’s that you can always tell the kids whose parents allow them to give up when it gets hard.
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Oh Jon, Jon, Jon…..you should have asked a football mom BEFORE you signed him up! I could have told you about the long and grueling practices – particularly in Pop Warner. For a beginner I would have told you to go elsewhere. Pop Warner IS the NFL of kid’s leagues.
My son lives and breathes football (me? I can’t stand it; unless he’s on the field) and has since birth. When I finally decided to let him play we signed him up for Pop Warner (not knowing any better). The first season we got a great coach and it was okay. The next season (after he’d grown quite a bit and had more experience) we moved up to another level and a new coach. This bastard had the kids crying at the first practice and by the second just about half had quit. My son wanted to quit. I told him he could, but he would have to tell his coach WHY he was quitting. He did. He told the man that he was a bad coach and the he refused to play for him. I was so proud. The NEXT season we signed him up for a local rec league and he’s been playing, and loving, it ever since.
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I think you did the right thing, not that it matters what I think.
Sounds like he’s a sporty kid, and who’s to say he won’t go back? A good friend just went through this with her son, and he’s already back on the team. Not sure how long he took off before he changed his mind again and went back, but let’s just say don’t get too comfortable with your schedule.
I am the mother of a freshman football player this year. He’s played since 5th grade. I love it! he loves it more. It is tough to watch sometimes, like this past Thursday’s game when the coaches had to carry my boy off the field… But, we are a football fan family from grade school games to NFL games. (Packer Backers all the way!)
Enjoy your fall baseball!! Watching kids play the game they love, is one of the best ways to spend family time.
I am not a contact sports enthusiast either. You never saw a woman so happy as the day her son chose golf. I can’t believe that I actually watch the sport as well. I’d previously thought is was sort of like watching haircuts. Snore.
Good for you, Jon! And Wonder Woman and Zan. Our boys didn’t want to play football and we didn’t make them.
Both were able, but the youngest was everything an Oklahoma coach dreams of. Like Zan, he gave it a try, did well, but just didn’t like it. When he quit, the coaches treated him like a second-class citizen. And the Grandpas and Uncles, all ardent OU Sooner fans, let us know that they were ‘disappointed’. Not in the boy, of course, but in us for not making him play. Oh well.
Both sons have grown up to be wonderful, responsible, loving human beings. And the youngest, the ‘quitter’, served our country proudly for 10 years in the U.S. Army. He went from basic training to the Old Guard in D.C. where he did funerals at Arlington National Cemetery. And after other duties he finally served as a Special Forces member, doing five tours in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. Yes, I am bragging!!
So Jon, thank you for this post. It’s a mirror to our family, and I certainly appreciate the chance to tell you “Atta boy, Dad, you done good.”
Also, may I say, when I happen to run across one of those coaches, I really enjoy giving them a subtle, ‘in your face’, attitude.
Whew; glad to hear that is over! I recall a young boy many years ago (aka Daddy Scratches) who insisted that he wanted to play football. In this case it was due to the fact that a few of your best friends were on the team. It was not what I wanted for you; especially because at that time you would have been one of the smallest players on the team. If I recall correctly, you did one week of practices; and then decided to quit. You were sure you did not care for it at all; and that was a good enough reason for me.
I am looking forward to hearing about fall baseball; his very favorite game!
Nana Scratches
As we told our son when he decided to stop wrestling, “Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to like it or do it”…..and he was good!
When I was his age I was at multiple sports practices after school for all hours. I did three sports – lacrosse, football and basketball. My parents pushed me hard to continue the sports and I’ll tell you what, practice was the ABSOLUTE worst part. When you’re younger, they are longer, mostly because parents use them as a babysitting technique. If he sticks with it until high school, you actually end up with only about an hour of practice and it’s all the fun stuff more or less (no more push ups, sit ups, or anything unless your team messes up constantly.)
I will say this though, I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t the last you hear about it. When I was younger I wanted to quit because I had better things to do with my time than practice – and I told my parents the same thing, that I just didn’t like the game. They let me quit, much for the same reason, and I went back and ended up doing it on my own when I was in high school because then the status makes up for the practice.
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Well, if he doesn’t like that football, what about the other football (the one that every other country in the world calls football but we call soccer)? Also played in the Fall (and Spring, and indoors in the Winter). But that also requires a lot of warm-up calisthenics. Hmm..there’s always bowling; no warm-ups for that.
We had a very similar situation with out youngest son. He was a baseball player (caught varstiy for four years of high school) but wanted to try football. I wanted to say a flat-out no but my husband prevailed and we allowed him to try it. My heart was in my mouth thorughout the season as I awaited either heat stroke as they practiced in unseasonably warm temps or a life-altering injury. Neither happened but when he said he wanted to make his first season, his last, we were THRILLED.
Congrats on your son’s excellent decision!
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Nice post. I played football. Coached kids that age when I was in Singapore. And, looking back, was WAY too intense. Since my son is not that much bigger than me (Hobbit), there was no way he was going to play rugby here in New Zealand against all the gland cases. So he played soccer. Did not like it. But he was going to play SOME sport, and this was the best of the options. Now that he is 22 and a musician, he ONLY NOW says he is thankful for the discipline he got from organized sports. Good luck with the baseball. Great game to play. Still bores me to tears to watch. Unless there are cheerleaders and cheap beer. Whoa.
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I also have had experience with this, except female child, ice skating, and she’s three. I think next time we’ll pick something she can learn without falling down QUITE so regularly. I made her go three times and when she was still looking at me like this
the full 45 minutes, I knew it was time to end it.
I think you did the right thing, personally. That’s me as a non-parent, though, and you know you can’t trust those of us who intentionally do not procreate.
I say choose those tough life lessons, in the greater scheme of things I don’t think this is one of them. I think what you are teaching him now is that he has a say in his life and the decisions that affect that life.
I have a son, he’s enjoyed participating in football (soccer to you), rugby (held my breath the whole time), roller hockey (introduced by a homesick Canadian dad) and triathlons. The one thing that he has stayed with since he was 10 to his present age of 28 is cycling – what I have learnt is, take the long view and encourage and support the sports your son enjoys and wants to do so that it may become a part of his life.
I have to admit – I am not American, I think as a parent you are having to deal with a sports culture for kids that is very different from where I live, especially when it comes to American football. Not better, not worse, just different.