Take Me Out to the Ballgame ... I mean, Insane Asylum

Take Me Out to the Ball Game Insane Asylum

When the Red Sox are in the playoffs, I become mentally and emotionally unstable for the duration of their run. I mean, you know, even more mentally and emotionally unstable. (This has been documented previously.) And, thanks to their unprecedentedly spectacular September collapse, I’ve been forced to commence my insane postseason behavior before the postseason even starts.

There are many things I must do in order to influence the outcome of the game. Things like donning various Red Sox apparel and trinkets, and replacing with a commemorative 2004 World Series Champions plaque (a gift, by the way; I’m crazy, but I’m not “Hey-let’s-blow-$200-on-a-wall-hanging!” crazy) the framed photo that normally hangs over the television set, and holding in a particular way with my left hand during any critical moment in the game the crystal that hangs around my neck while simultaneously covering with each of the five fingers on my right hand five of the ventilation holes atop my Red Sox baseball cap. For starters.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Well, at least I’m not passing my psychosis on to my children.

Pulling out the big guns.

Oops.

posted in Buffoonery, Featured Photo, Red Sox | Post a comment

20 Comments

  1. Posted September 28, 2011 at 4:30 pm | Permalink

    –>My college roommate’s boyfriend was the same way in 1999 when he realized wearing a certain pair of boxer shorts affected the outcome of the game for Virginia Tech. After our Michael Vick led team lost to Florida State in the championship that year, he set his shorts on fire.
    WebSavvyMom´s most recent blog post: Random ThoughtsMy Profile

  2. Posted September 28, 2011 at 4:48 pm | Permalink

    I’d just like to get a good night’s sleep this month. On another note, how does Mommy Scratches handle all of this?
    Meg at the Members Lounge´s most recent blog post: Jack’s Been Christened!My Profile

    • Wonder Woman
      Posted September 28, 2011 at 6:50 pm | Permalink

      When we met, he didn’t like sports. It was upon my suggestion that we try to pick at least one to get invested in. Figures it was the one that has over 160 games! Now I just employ a good sense of humor and walk a fine line between genuine support and flippant sarcasm. And, as you know, tequila always helps around the Scratches household :)

  3. Posted September 28, 2011 at 5:02 pm | Permalink

    Men. Y’all are funny.
    Rebekah´s most recent blog post: Paper TherapyMy Profile

  4. Nicole
    Posted September 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm | Permalink

    Do you also have to clap three times and chant? I have a dare for you- let go of one (just one) of the holes. Can you do it? I bet you can’t.

    • Wonder Woman
      Posted September 28, 2011 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

      No Nicole, he truly can’t.

  5. Posted September 28, 2011 at 6:50 pm | Permalink

    Sheesh! And I thought my football nuts were bad……
    Gigi´s most recent blog post: Flummoxed….or if GMAC is looking for a spokesperson, I’m available…My Profile

  6. Posted September 28, 2011 at 7:42 pm | Permalink

    I have a closet full of crimson shirts, because i only wear a “lucky” shirt for Alabama football games until they lose a game while I’m wearing it. At least I always get collared ones, so I can wear them to work after they’ve been retired from game day wearing.
    the muskrat´s most recent blog post: the last of the kitsMy Profile

  7. Posted September 28, 2011 at 8:01 pm | Permalink

    Having lived in New England for all of my life (huh; I need to get moving, or…something), Red Sox mania has always been a part of my life and surroundings. Good to hear that it, like many other communicable diseases, sticks with you even if you leave.

    I love flattering comparisons. They’re my forté, truth be told.)

  8. Posted September 28, 2011 at 10:30 pm | Permalink

    My bartenders (in FLORIDA) are Red Sox crazed as well. We have multiple signs up in the bar and a Red Sox flag hanging under the American flag out front. I can’t even get a Gator flag up and I RUN THE PLACE. This time of year it’s hard to get them to pour a beer without spilling it!
    Casey´s most recent blog post: Crafts for Toddlers: Rice & NoodlesMy Profile

  9. Posted September 29, 2011 at 7:55 am | Permalink

    Although I enjoy sports, I’ve never been a “fan”, so I feel like I’ve escaped the misery that goes along with really following a team. Of course, I also escape some of the joy/exhileration. I see this in my future, though. We live in a University town. When the kids are gone and I work less, I may turn into one of those crazy tail gaters that follows the football team everywhere in a modified “spirit” RV.

    Your phrase “unprecedentedly spectacular September collapse” is awesome and I find myself wishing I could really screw something up so I could use this to describe myself. Or find someone else who really screwed up. Whatever–either way–I’m stealing the phrase. Just FYI.
    Team Suzanne´s most recent blog post: Clumsy birds, dead birds and GNRMy Profile

  10. Posted September 29, 2011 at 8:22 am | Permalink

    I have a buddy that’s nuts like this over football, the Dallas Cowboys to be exact. N.U.T.S.

    :)

  11. Val from Cape Town
    Posted September 29, 2011 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    We are at the start of the rugby World Cup here. Trouble TV coverage starts at 9.30 in the morning (and sometimes that is during the week). The men on the staff go ape trying to find out what is happening! Weekends of course the beers come out at that time regardless. The barbeques are going and it is like ‘evening’ activities except it is damn well early in the morning. Guys are the same all over the world as far as sport is concerned! :)

  12. Posted September 29, 2011 at 10:42 am | Permalink

    PLEASE have Wonder Woman take a picture of you holding the crystal and placing your fingers on the holes in the cap!
    Kernut the Blond´s most recent blog post: I Found Zombies In A Ghost Town – The Apocalypse BeginnethMy Profile

  13. Janice
    Posted September 29, 2011 at 12:35 pm | Permalink

    Given your relocation, have you considered jumping onto the Phillies’ bandwagon? We always have room for more fans.

  14. Posted September 29, 2011 at 1:10 pm | Permalink

    …last night was depressing. Hell, September has been depressing! And as a BoSox fan living in cali with a real reason to be a fan (I’m originally from New Bedford) – I have been shamelessly ridiculed all day. But as we always say… Next season!!!
    Sars!´s most recent blog post: correspondence or some shitMy Profile

  15. Helena
    Posted September 29, 2011 at 2:37 pm | Permalink

    What’s with the Red Sox drama? Looks like Red Sox are lost put on blue Sox… Duh.

  16. Posted September 30, 2011 at 10:44 pm | Permalink

    Suppose, just suppose mind you, that you followed and were a fan of the (Florida soon-to-be Miami) Marlins plus the pitiable Miami Dolphins. Definition of misery, folks. Real misery.
    Ranger´s most recent blog post: Beneficiary . . .My Profile

    • Kelli
      Posted October 2, 2011 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

      Dad? is that you??

  17. Posted October 2, 2011 at 7:03 pm | Permalink

    OK but I’m confused as to when you have to wear your cap inside out. Or is that the Cubs?
    Heidi H´s most recent blog post: I Like: Creative Writing #1My Profile

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