Good news, 2012! That ass massage I gave 2011 worked out so well that I’m pretty sure there’s fellatio in your future!

Two years ago today, while hurtling headlong toward a depression-induced midlife crisis (or a midlife-crisis-induced depression; either way), I had the audacity to tell 2010 I was going to kick its ass. Those of you who’ve been here for a while now know how well that worked out. (SPOILER: Really shitty!)

One year ago today, I proffered an epic mea culpa to 2011 by promising to massage its ass with exotic oils while feeding it hand-peeled grapes and telling it how wise and attractive and thin and youthful-looking it was. And in return for my whorish behavior, 2011 rewarded me with a perfectly vanilla year.

And that’s just fine with me.

Last night, we bid farewell to the delightfully milquetoast 2011 by taking the kids to a super-nice, ridiculously pricey restaurant that they had absolutely no ability to appreciate (another of my stellar ideas!), after which we returned home, donned party hats, poured a couple drinks and watched the kids run apeshit around the yard while blowing kazoos as loud as kazoos can be blown — and documented it all with some terrible flash photography:

Girl reveler

Boy reveler

Moderately inebriated middle-aged male reveler, expertly photographed in mid-blink by moderately inebriated wife.

In closing: 2011 was a year for catching my breath and recovering after being battered about the head in 2010 … but I’m hoping to make 2012 a bit more noteworthy … and I’m willing to do whatever it takes.

Happy New Year, you guys.

Pin It
This entry was posted in Life, Parenthood. Bookmark the permalink.
Post a comment

6 Comments

  1. Posted January 2, 2012 at 1:38 am | Permalink

    Looking forward to it 🙂
    Kara´s most recent blog post: My goals for 2012My Profile

  2. Chris
    Posted January 2, 2012 at 8:45 am | Permalink

    Best blog post title ever! I’m proud of myself that I stayed up until 11:30, yeah middle age, but I no longer have little kids or the luxury of inebriation.

  3. Posted January 2, 2012 at 9:31 am | Permalink

    Happy New Year! I really need for 2012 to be amazing – or even vanilla – anything but the same as 2011. So you do whatever it is you need to do to make that happen, mkay?
    Gigi´s most recent blog post: What happened on WednesdayMy Profile

  4. Nicole
    Posted January 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm | Permalink

    Happy New Year! I hope 2012 earns the fellatio you’re promising. I look forward to the updates. 😉

  5. Posted January 2, 2012 at 4:59 pm | Permalink

    I’m sure a bit of fellatio will soften (ha! soften..) the inevitable (and doomed to fail) end of the world – I mean, it never hurts right?
    Sephani Paige´s most recent blog post: Welcome To The EOWMy Profile

  6. Posted January 2, 2012 at 10:56 pm | Permalink

    Y’all look happy in those pictures–that’s all that matters, right? Right? Right.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge