That blow job I offered 2012? Already paying off.

So there’s that whole thing with me and Van Halen, right? Well, the band is about to release its first new album with original singer David Lee Roth in 28 years, and to drum up some excitement, the boys are playing a private show Thursday night in New York City at a little hole-in-the-wall place that holds only a couple hundred people. It’s about as big as my kitchen. (Background info: My kitchen = Not so big.)

Here’s the outside:

Here’s the inside:

Now, the newly minted Year 2012, after hearing what I was willing to do in order to gain its favor, apparently has decided to bestow upon me an invitation to this unbelievably exclusive event:

I’m pretty sure it’s a trap.

If I’m not back by Friday, please alert the authorities.

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