That blow job I offered 2012? Already paying off.

So there’s that whole thing with me and Van Halen, right? Well, the band is about to release its first new album with original singer David Lee Roth in 28 years, and to drum up some excitement, the boys are playing a private show Thursday night in New York City at a little hole-in-the-wall place that holds only a couple hundred people. It’s about as big as my kitchen. (Background info: My kitchen = Not so big.)

Here’s the outside:

Here’s the inside:

Now, the newly minted Year 2012, after hearing what I was willing to do in order to gain its favor, apparently has decided to bestow upon me an invitation to this unbelievably exclusive event:

I’m pretty sure it’s a trap.

If I’m not back by Friday, please alert the authorities.

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17 Comments

  1. Posted January 3, 2012 at 3:37 pm | Permalink

    That’s awesome! Having kidneys is overrated anyway.

    • Posted January 4, 2012 at 9:44 am | Permalink

      As long as they properly install the stents and get me in a tub full of ice right away, I’m sure I’ll be fine.

  2. Posted January 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm | Permalink

    –>Very cool! I hope they don’t disappoint but if you’re drunk enough you won’t be.
    WebSavvyMom´s most recent blog post: 2012 New Year’s ResolutionsMy Profile

  3. Posted January 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm | Permalink

    I would already be preparing the tequila remedy needed for the next morning. Good karma for the New Year!
    Meg at the Members Lounge´s most recent blog post: I Can’t Help Myself Friday. Graphically Speaking.My Profile

  4. Posted January 3, 2012 at 4:50 pm | Permalink

    How the hell did you get that hook up?
    All My Monkeys´s most recent blog post: Pucker up. Watch for slime.My Profile

  5. Sandy H
    Posted January 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm | Permalink

    Holy shit! Maybe I should rape 2012 and see what I get! So far, all I got was a kid with strep throat, another kid with a permanent snot leakage, and a massive snowfall. crap.

  6. Posted January 3, 2012 at 6:52 pm | Permalink

    That is extremely awesome. You will stay sober enough to write about it afterward, right?
    Gigi´s most recent blog post: What happened on WednesdayMy Profile

  7. Posted January 3, 2012 at 8:22 pm | Permalink

    Wow. Pictures are expected.

  8. Mark
    Posted January 3, 2012 at 11:48 pm | Permalink

    I just heard about this show from Eddie Trunk. He’ll be there as well.

    BTW Jon, I’ll be on the next episode of “That Metal Show” on VH-1 Classic. Paul Rodgers & Buckcherry are the guests.

    Van Halen has been practicing at the Roxy for the last couple of weeks.

    Have fun at the show.

    • Posted January 4, 2012 at 9:46 am | Permalink

      Thanks, dude. Cameras are allowed, so I’m bringing my rig. If all goes well, I’ll have lots of pics to post.

      What did you do on TMS?

      • Mark
        Posted January 4, 2012 at 11:10 am | Permalink

        I stumped the Trunk. I sure hope it’s not cut out.

        On this week’s show, my buddy Gregg asked one of my questions. Eddie got it right. It was the John 5 question.

  9. Posted January 4, 2012 at 12:20 am | Permalink

    You got THAT for a blow job? Either you are spectacular or guys really love them as much as they say they do.

    I am sure you’ll have a blast 🙂
    XLMIC´s most recent blog post: I couldn’t end 2011 with a post about the stupid door-to-door Kirby vacuum cleaner salesman…My Profile

  10. Dorice
    Posted January 4, 2012 at 5:20 pm | Permalink

    Wow! You must give one hell of a blow job.

  11. Posted January 4, 2012 at 10:04 pm | Permalink

    I hooked up with a cute boy at a concert with Sammy Hagar at the helm. The boy complimented me by saying I had hair just like Sammy’s. Well, I took it as a compliment, but looking back. Looking back, I’m not so sure.

    Anyway, have fun!!
    Amy´s most recent blog post: Pink hair and the "chubby" insultMy Profile

  12. Scarfie
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 9:45 am | Permalink

    Well… Has anyone alerted the authorities?

  13. Posted January 9, 2012 at 5:22 pm | Permalink

    So this morning’s paper in Alaska notes that Van Halen performed before a select group of VIPs at Cafe Wha……..

    Now I’m impressed. You’re a “select VIP!”
    Gullible´s most recent blog post: A Four Course Feast of SeasonsMy Profile

  14. Posted January 11, 2012 at 8:47 am | Permalink

    when do we get to hear about how it went? pics?
    Sunday´s most recent blog post: Green Eggs, Hold the HamMy Profile

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