Douchebag of the Year: National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO / gun lobbyist Wayne Lapierre

If this guy …

Mr. Burns is Wayne Lapierre's father.

fucked this guy …

Voldemort is Wayne Lapierre's mother

and they made a baby, that baby would grow up to be this guy:

National Rifle Association Executive Vice President Wayne Lapierre, Douchebag of the Year 2012

Yesterday, one week to the day after a madman walked into an elementary school with a military-style assault rifle that he used to fire into the bodies of 20 children and six adults a torrent of .223-caliber bullets fed to his weapon by a high-capacity magazine that allowed him to cause an unimaginable amount of death and carnage before ever needing to reload, National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne Lapierre — the man who more than any other has made it possible for mass murderers to arm themselves with military-style assault rifles and high-capacity magazines — went on national television and blamed the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre on everyone … and everything … EXCEPT HIMSELF, GUNS AND THE GUN INDUSTRY THAT LINES HIS POCKETS.

The last time I saw balls that big, they were rolling down a tunnel behind Indiana Jones.

I would go on and further outline for you Mr. Lapierre’s unrivaled douchebaggery, but my new man crush, Lawrence O’Donnell, already did a positively stellar job of that during last night’s episode of his MSNBC program, “The Last Word.” You can see Mr. Lapierre get completely pwned in this video:

(If you have time, watch the whole thing. If you don't, scroll ahead to the 7-minute mark and watch the subsequent two-and-a-half minutes of epic pwnage.)

And that is why you, Mr. Lapierre, are this year’s DOUCHEBAG … OF … THE YEAR!!!!

Congratulations! You can pick up your trophy at the front desk … IN HELL*.

*No, I don’t actually believe in Hell or a vengeful, omnipotent God … but I like to pretend that both exist when I encounter scumbags like Wayne Lapierre.

PS: That gun-control petition I mentioned in my previous post? The President has responded:

P.P.S.: How fucking awesome is it that the President and his administration have created a website that allows us to have a direct avenue of communication with the White House? (Answer: Very.)

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2 Comments

  1. Posted December 23, 2012 at 12:49 am | Permalink

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. A-fucking-men brother!!! I love how the NRA takes a week to open their mouth and when they do they propose, to the already financially strapped government, to put an armed police officer at every school in America. Tell me now, who will pay for that again? Oh, and I bet Mr. LaDouchebag wouldn’t want to pay additional taxes to make that happen. What a tool. I’ve seen better mouth pieces laying on the ice of a hockey rink after a vicious check into the boards. Okay, I’m done here. (Drops mic and exits stage left.)
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  2. Posted January 20, 2013 at 9:21 pm | Permalink

    This is my first time seeing Lawrence O’Donnell (I’m a Rachel Maddow follower-and not just because we bat for the same team. Just sayin’)–anyway, I love this guy. Of course, I love anyone who thinks LaPierre is a worthless piece of crap. I’m so glad you’re back to writing. Keep it up, buddy!

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