Exciting news: I am now the millionaire owner of a Major League Baseball school whose employee roster includes Michael Cudlitz, star of the TNT cop-drama “SouthLAnd.”

I saw a tweet the other day from Michael Cudlitz in which he reminded his followers that the season premiere of “SouthLAnd” airs tonight. And as I read that tweet, it occurred to me that I once participated in a promotional push for the show by posting a blog entry that coincided with the show’s spring-2010 season premiere.

And for some reason, I decided to look for that post on Google … which is how I stumbled upon this:

The Google search that helped me discover I'm a millionaire

The Google search that made me a millionaire

Whaaaa…? Well, we’re going to have to click on that, now, aren’t we? Let’s see where it goes.

"SouthLAnd" star Michael Cudlitz, Employee #1 at The Daddy Scratches School

Turns out that, when he isn’t busy shooting scenes in Los Angeles, Cudlitz works at my school here in Philadelphia. Yeah, he’s the lunch lady. Keeps fighting with me about the hairnet, but the kids seem to like him, so I keep him around.

But wait, it gets better. Let’s dig deeper and check out The Daddy Scratches School’s company profile, shall we?

The Daddy Scratches School

OK, just the mere fact that I somehow ended up with a ZoomInfo (who…?) listing for The Daddy Scratches School is awesome enough … and it’s a major bonus that my company’s description is “Your front-row seat to my nervous breakdown” … but guys: My school is located at the Philadelphia Phillies’ baseball stadium, and it rakes in between $1 million and $5 million per year! At last, my ship has come in!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a busy afternoon. Cudlitz and I need to go over next week’s lunch menu … and then we’re taking batting practice on the field. Yeah, Hamels is pitching. After that, I’m off to the bank with this suitcase full of cash.

Yes, boys and girls, being headmaster of The Daddy Scratches School is a pretty sweet gig. In fact, it almost seems too good to be true.

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