In the fairy-tale version of this story, I would have hit an epic home run

Photo Jun 08, 7 50 15 PM

That previous post really set the stage for an exciting, emotional, underdog-makes-good kind of ending, didn’t it? The shrimpy, non-baseball-playing kid scarred from his less-than-enjoyable Little League experience steps to the plate more than three decades later and belts one over the fence.

And our fairy-tale ending would have been even more dramatic if, on the night of that recent home-run derby, our hero was the eighth batter, and the seven other batters who went before him — all of whom had substantially more baseball-playing experience — failed to hit a single home run.

Ten swings each. Seventy swings total. Zero home runs.

And now let’s imagine our hero stepping to the plate under the piercing gaze of dozens of onlookers, to include his own children, both of whose teams he coaches, and both of whom believe he knows something about hitting a ball … and let’s watch him take 8 of his 10 swings without producing a single home run himself.

But it’s OK … because no one really expected him to put one out. In fact, they’d probably have been stunned if, on his second to last pitch, he swung the bat … and connected … and drove one straightaway to deep center field … and planted the ball on the far side of the fence. I can only imagine how incredible that moment would have been … and in my imagination, that incredible moment would have looked like this:

Wha wha WHAT? Hold on just a minute. Let’s see that again in slo-mo. (Don’t worry; I’m not going to drag it out or make it seem more grandiose than it really was):

Yes, my friends, fairy tales can come true … it can happen to you … and all you need to do is practice … and believe in yourself … and suck down a couple of highly potent Cabo Wabo margaritas shortly before your turn at bat.

I was the first guy to hit a home run at the home-run derby. That really happened. And for a little while, I got to strut around like the cock of the walk while men, women and children congratulated me and high-fived me and generally marveled at my overall awesomeness.

And my kids had a totally killer “That’s my Dad” moment that made me feel like a hero.

In conclusion:

Therapy to recover from childhood scars: $120 per hour.
Easton Hammer baseball bat: $49.99.

I just saved a ton of money on therapy.

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14 Comments

  1. Posted June 17, 2013 at 4:54 pm | Permalink

    I just sobbed all over my wireless keyboard.

    Not really. But this story rocks!

  2. Posted June 17, 2013 at 7:00 pm | Permalink

    Well done, sir.
    Dave´s most recent blog post: Sorry, wrong numberMy Profile

  3. Val from Cape Town
    Posted June 18, 2013 at 2:53 am | Permalink

    Way to go!!!! Fairy tales DO come true! 🙂

  4. Jamie, Mom of 3
    Posted June 18, 2013 at 8:44 am | Permalink

    Excellent…. 🙂

  5. Allyssa
    Posted June 18, 2013 at 9:56 am | Permalink

    Awww, congratulations! You rock!

  6. Posted June 18, 2013 at 7:04 pm | Permalink

    How AWESOME!!!!!

    Would now be a bad time to tell you that, despite wearing a (boo) Boston hat, the ad that popped up was for Yankee gear? 😉

    Seriously, you rock.
    Gigi´s most recent blog post: The tree that could have been….My Profile

  7. Robyn
    Posted June 18, 2013 at 10:19 pm | Permalink

    I didn’t see anything grandiose about that second video. I bet that’s exactly how it went down. Inspirational background music and all. Seemed legit to me. Way to go!! 🙂

  8. Posted June 19, 2013 at 3:14 pm | Permalink

    Did the kids call you Papi after the home run? You will always have that video moment. Hope you had a second Cabo to celebrate!
    Meg Lessard´s most recent blog post: What Goes With Summer?My Profile

  9. Jamie, Mom of 3
    Posted June 24, 2013 at 11:01 am | Permalink

    Keep the stories coming! I just know you’ve got a ton, and the gift to tell them! I always read, don’t always comment, and ALWAYS enjoy…

  10. Nana Scratches
    Posted June 24, 2013 at 11:34 am | Permalink

    Well how about that! As the Mom of the one time peepsqueek in the orange shirt;
    I got goosebumps when I saw the video! Hooray for you Daddy Scratches. You’re
    not in Kansas anymore!

  11. Gail
    Posted June 26, 2013 at 11:13 am | Permalink

    Just saw your “brief”… if others are like me, they are only checking in now and then, since you haven’t been posting much or regularly. Epic home run! Should have bought that bat years ago!

  12. Mark G.
    Posted July 1, 2013 at 12:45 am | Permalink

    A home run coming from a guy didn’t play for the Ft. Irwin MP softball team? Wow, Jon we could’ve used you bro!!!!!

    I’m sooooooo proud.

  13. Steph
    Posted July 1, 2013 at 1:15 am | Permalink

    Awesome! (Also, told ya so! 😉

  14. Posted July 7, 2013 at 8:00 pm | Permalink

    THAT was awesome.

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