I’m goin’ back to Cali

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Comin’ atcha live from 35,000 feet, it’s the Scratches Family Vacation. Next stop: Los Angeles.

So here’s the deal: My brother calls us last December and tells us he’s getting married. Woohoo! In August, while the kids are out of school. Nice! In California. Ouch!

Yeah, a cross-country trip for a family of four wasn’t exactly in our budget this year. Or any year, for that matter. Partly because we don’t actually have a budget … but mostly because we don’t have any, you know, money.

But, OK, so we’re headed to California. And, hey, since we’re gonna be in So Cal anyway, we might as well go all out, don’tcha think?

Which brings us to:

"Welcome to Disneyland! Now hand over your wallet and nobody gets hurt!"

“Hand over your wallet and nobody gets hurt!”

Yes, y’all, when this bird touches down, we’ll be grabbing a sweet minivan and heading to Walt’s place. Today’s plan is to simply check in and shake off the jet-lag by the pool … but tomorrow we are launching an all-out, military-style assault on Disneyland.

No, I mean it. The reconnaissance I’ve conducted for this mission is nothing short of epic. Or, more accurately, it’s nothing short of proof positive that I’m a control freak with substantial psychiatric issues.

Did you know that there are online subscription services where you can enter the dates and times of your planned visit to Disneyland, along with the attractions you wish to hit, and a complex algorithm will spit out the suggested order and times at which you should hit those attractions? Because there are. And I know this because I subscribed to two of them.

Did you also know that, in addition to the classic Disneyland amusement park, there now exists Disney’s California Adventure, an adjacent, entirely separate, equally massive amusement park? And did you further know that it is considered downright maniacal to try to hit all of the must-do rides in both parks on the same day? I’m pretty sure everybody’s gonna love it when Daddy turns our visit to the Happiest Place on Earth into a forced road march from Hell. (OK, maybe not … but I’m sure they’ll thank me for it later.)

Come Thursday, with our feet sore, our pockets empty and our credit cards full, we’ll head up the coast to Santa Barbara … where, thankfully for us, soon-to-be-sister-in-law’s family has hooked us up with what appears to be a sweet house near the beach. (That fortuitous arrangement, along with a generous airfare contribution from my parents, largely explains why we decided to splurge on the Disneyland trip. And so, on behalf of myself, my wife, my children, and the entire accounting department at The Walt Disney Company, I would like to thank my family — in-laws and outlaws alike — for their charitable contributions.)

Once we arrive in Santa Barbara, we’ll be up to our mouse ears in wedding-related mayhem straight through the weekend… which reminds me: I have to write a speech. Gah!

Alright, enough of my high-altitude blogging. I’ll keep you posted on all the fun via Twitter (where highlights will include up-to-the-minute illness reports on the kids, who have been perfectly healthy all summer long, but have come down with colds just in time for our cross-country adventure), and I, of course, will file a full report upon our return.

Wish us luck, people.

DS out.

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6 Comments

  1. Allyssa
    Posted August 20, 2013 at 10:34 am | Permalink

    We’re going to Disneyworld in Oct, and I’m right there with you in the maniacal planning. Have fun!

  2. Posted August 20, 2013 at 8:02 pm | Permalink

    Well, OF COURSE, the kids will get sick. That’s a given. Totally goes without saying. As I do happen to follow you on Twitter, I expect hour by hour updates.
    Gigi´s most recent blog post: And once again, silence fallsMy Profile

  3. Pejibaye
    Posted August 21, 2013 at 12:50 pm | Permalink

    We have some sort of weird psychic connection. I go months without checking your blog, then decide it’s time — just after you post. If I check more frequently, will you write more frequently?

  4. Tiffany
    Posted August 21, 2013 at 3:35 pm | Permalink

    I live in the SF Bay Area and have been going to Disneyland since I was a kid. It is crazy expensive, but everyone really should go at least once… even if you don’t have kids (probably more fun without them- is that rude?). Living so close, we take it for granted, but you’ll have a blast. Can’t wait to read about your Disney fun.
    California Adventures is way cool- definitely don’t skip it!

  5. Posted August 28, 2013 at 6:14 pm | Permalink

    We just got back! Hope you have a great time. 🙂
    Claire Lopez´s most recent blog post: My Body ManifestoMy Profile

  6. Posted August 29, 2013 at 11:27 am | Permalink

    I hope the trip went well…and while I am not happy that other people find themselves with inadequate vacation funds, there is some comfort in knowing I am not alone.
    RageMichelle´s most recent blog post: Food RulesMy Profile

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