This is what 44 looks like, people.
(Funky photo effect added to help diminish the glaringly obvious signs of my advanced age.)

On my 43rd birthday, I went to work like it was just another day. During my lunch break, I decided to really live it up … by going to my doctor’s office for my annual physical … because nothing says “Happy Birthday” quite like immunization shots and bloodletting, am I right?

They say that with age comes wisdom … and they must be right, because, one year after the aforementioned birthday blowout, I decided to wise the fuck up.

I called out sick today. *cough cough* See? I’m dyin’ over here. (Actually, “called out sick” is a misnomer. Thanks to the Internet, I didn’t have to call anybody; I simply emailed my boss to inform him that I was burning a sick day. No need for the whole fake-cough-on-the-phone performance. Thank you, Al Gore.)

Yes, I actually gave myself permission to really enjoy my birthday for a change. I stayed up late last night to watch a movie. Wonder Woman made me blueberry pancakes for breakfast. I took a long, hot shower (until all the hot water ran out). And, right now, instead of wasting away in a fluorescent-lit cubicle, I’m sitting at my dining room table, bright daylight streaming in through the windows as I write this blog post while listening to Van Halen. (Coincidentally, the song playing right now is titled “Beats Workin’.” And, yes, they’re goddamn right it does.)

As we all know by now, my BIG birthday celebration will be taking place in New York City two weeks from tonight, when Wonder Woman and I attend Howard Stern’s Birthday Bash (I still can’t believe we’re going!). Meanwhile, I’m having a great day, and I still have plenty to look forward to. Zan will be home soon, and I predict that he and I will be rocking some “Guitar Hero: Van Halen” in short order. (It’s kind of a birthday tradition.) After that, the family and I are off to dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant, where I’ll be ordering the chicken parmesan for the 9-bazillionth time, because it’s JUST. THAT. GOOD.

No complaining about my age this birthday. I’m cool with with 44. In fact, I’m planning on having a kick-ass year. For starters, I’m gearing up to get back in shape … and by “gearing up,” I mean “I bought a case of Sam Adams Light today instead of the usual heavy stuff.” An impressive start, as I’m sure you’ll agree. Also? Writing, writing and more writing. So you have that to look forward to.

Now, if you’ll pardon me, Zan’s home … and there’s a toy guitar calling my name. It’s time to ROCK OUT … in an extremely nerdy, geeky way.

Happy Birthday to me!

Peace out.

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