Mirror mirror, on the wall ground … and the dashboard … and the seats … and the floormats … who’s the biggest pick-up-truck-driving asshole of them all?

mirror

Actual letter I placed in someone’s mailbox on my way home from work yesterday:

Hi. My name’s Jon. This morning, as I was driving by your house, a large pick-up truck — presumably driven by some schmuck who at the time was busy using his phone to Google “Why do people keep telling me I’m such an idiot?” — crossed the lane divider and almost struck my car head-on. In order to avoid a collision, I had to swerve out of the way … which resulted in my passenger-side mirror slamming into your mailbox. This completely destroyed the mirror and mirror assembly … and, because my windows were open, also covered the entire inside of my car with shattered glass. So that was pretty awesome.

glass-dash2

glass-dash

[No, I didn’t include pictures with the letter. They’re here just for you. You’re welcome.]

Unfortunately, despite my best effort, I was unable to chase down and strangle to death the driver of the truck, so I now find myself stuck with a multi-hundred-dollar car repair and a guilty conscience that won’t let me drive by your mailbox twice a day, five days per week, without letting you know that I’m the boob who hit it. (On the other hand, I’m not dead from a head-on collision, nor in jail for murdering the truck guy, so I’m trying to look on the bright side.)

Anyway … please email me at [email address redacted] so that we can make arrangements to repair and/or replace your damaged mailbox if necessary.

Thanks,

-Jon

Hopefully they’ll decide that my entertaining letter is payment enough.

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15 Comments

  1. Posted September 3, 2015 at 11:38 am | Permalink

    Infuriating!
    But hilarious letter.
    Were I them I’d not let you pay and would instead give you brownies. With icing on them.

  2. Posted September 3, 2015 at 12:37 pm | Permalink

    I think it may be time to get a dash cam.
    Dave´s most recent blog post: Something to hideMy Profile

  3. Posted September 3, 2015 at 1:40 pm | Permalink

    SO glad it was only a mirror and a mailbox that took a hit. I’d totally give you a pass on paying for the mailbox but would also be so glad that you were neighborly and let me know what happened.

    Here’s to being a good human being!
    Laurie´s most recent blog post: Guest Bathroom MakeoverMy Profile

  4. Posted September 3, 2015 at 7:48 pm | Permalink

    Hmmm, so NC isn’t the only state with jackass drivers. Good for you leaving a note, sometimes people have to be told just how much of a jackass they are.

  5. Jane
    Posted September 3, 2015 at 8:17 pm | Permalink

    You know we’re all breathlessly awaiting the follow up!

  6. Posted September 4, 2015 at 11:32 am | Permalink

    Stupid conscience.

    This is why bad guys have more fun. If you were evil you would laugh every time you drove by thinking about how angry that guy was when he found his mailbox destroyed. But NOOOOO. You have to feel guilty and now you’re stuck fixing mailboxes instead of petting a fluffy white cat with your cyborg hand.

    • Keeley
      Posted September 4, 2015 at 3:25 pm | Permalink

      ……..

      That comment was pure genius.

  7. Mark G.
    Posted September 4, 2015 at 12:18 pm | Permalink

    I’m glad your OK, but did you make a police report?

    • Posted September 8, 2015 at 5:57 pm | Permalink

      “Officer, I broke my mirror when a big, dark-colored pick-up truck ran me off the road. No, I don’t have a plate. No, I don’t have a model. No, I don’t have a make. No, I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this. Yes, you have a nice day too.”

      No, I didn’t bother with the police report. 😉

  8. Caroline
    Posted September 6, 2015 at 7:37 pm | Permalink

    So glad you are okay (mirrors and mailboxes are totally replaceable, unlike thoughtful-to-a-fault good guys like yourself). And a complete aside, but what is up with the blacked-out email address in the letter? Jon, I thought we were all friends here. . . Dude, that hurts a little. Just sayin’. Anyway. Truly glad you are back at the blog!

  9. Posted September 7, 2015 at 12:22 am | Permalink

    I hope they take the letter for payment. I would. But, that might be because I’ve knocked mirrors off of 4 of my cars…
    Saintseester´s most recent blog post: Miss M Don’t CheatMy Profile

  10. Posted September 7, 2015 at 4:42 pm | Permalink

    Jon, I suspect that letter was not only thoughtful and responsible, but cathartic. Good on ya.
    Gullible´s most recent blog post: That Time I Saved a Bull Caribou from Certain Death and Almost Got Wilson Gored by Its RackMy Profile

  11. Posted September 9, 2015 at 12:02 am | Permalink

    I hope you hear from the mailbox owners. Your letter is perfect. Glad you are safe.

  12. Posted September 11, 2015 at 1:16 pm | Permalink

    You are a good person. May the earth swallow the jerk off who almost killed you.
    Diana´s most recent blog post: An Open Letter To My Husband: Anniversary EditionMy Profile

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