Monthly Blog Archives


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March 8, 2010
Try not to giggle about the randomly assigned car number, OK? Seriously, just grow up. Me? I hardly noticed.


March 4, 2010
Now you can't say I don't bring you any


March 3, 2010
Don't call ME Chicken Little, you bastards


March 2, 2010
Word got out that I'm the guy who can make or break your television series




February 28, 2010
I survived Mom2.0hmygodwhathaveIgottenmyselfinto?


February 27, 2010
If it makes you feel any better, I am achingly aware of just how badly I suck for not yet posting an epic Mom 2.0 recap


February 18, 2010
Oh, you mean that Mom 2.0 Summit I've known for months I'd be attending is suddenly here, and I'm once again scrambling at the last minute to get out of town? Well, at least I'm consistent.


February 12, 2010
Y? Because I'm a basket case!


February 9, 2010
Shhhhhhhh.


February 5, 2010
40


February 3, 2010
Entering The Keep


February 2, 2010
Let the healing begin ... in the dungeon


February 1, 2010
At last, the big birthday post ... except, not really




January 29, 2010
The Loser finally picks The Winner!


January 21, 2010
R.I.P. R.B.P.


January 15, 2010
Because what I really need is one more ridiculous and time-consuming thing on my agenda


January 13, 2010
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree ... How did you get so smelly?


January 13, 2010
Going the extra mile to bring you breathtaking images


January 12, 2010
Look! A Building!


January 11, 2010
Belly up


January 8, 2010
I FINALLY got to use my passport!


January 7, 2010
It's a good thing a picture is worth a thousand words, cuz I'm plum outta words right now


January 7, 2010
And if this doesn't work, I've got a lead on a witch doctor


January 6, 2010
Can you hear me now?


January 6, 2010
We have another winnah!


January 4, 2010
Nothing says 'Forgive me for my mental-illness-induced patch of blogging suckery' like a free CD, am I right?


January 1, 2010
Dear 2010: I am going to whup your ass


January 1, 2010
The year is new, but the wake-up time is the same




December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas!


December 24, 2009
A Ho Ho Ho-down, and some Yo Yo Yo for good measure


December 23, 2009
We Wish You a Scratchy Christmas


December 22, 2009
Saturday Night Christmas Eve Fever


December 22, 2009
Fiyah!


December 17, 2009
Well, at least it's not a dog


December 16, 2009
iMarriage


December 15, 2009
Naughty or nice?


December 14, 2009
Happy Holidays from the World's Worst Blogger!


December 14, 2009
Under the tree


December 10, 2009
Again with the snow photos


December 9, 2009
Facial


December 7, 2009
Finally, the world realizes what a tastemaker I am. (OK, maybe not 'the world,' but at least one nice lady marketing a new TV show.)


December 3, 2009
Yeah, I used to party in the big city like a madman, too ... you know, back in the late 1900s


December 2, 2009
Firestarter


December 2, 2009
Tis the season to be jolly ...and by 'jolly,' I mean batshit crazy




November 25, 2009
Taking a break


November 24, 2009
Girls' night out


November 20, 2009
We have a winnah!


November 18, 2009
Will you love me if I give you free stuff?


November 16, 2009
It's in the details


November 16, 2009
Good point


November 11, 2009
Zan, I am your father!


November 11, 2009
If not for The Force, Darth Vader would have totally gotten his ass kicked, because that suit? Not very practical.


November 6, 2009
OK, so I guess I won't write about meeting the doubleyoo i gee gee ell e esses after all


November 4, 2009
Be afraid. Be very afraid (that I'm allowed to raise children, that is).




October 30, 2009
There's a small chance that you don't totally suck at parenting, and you occasionally might even see evidence that supports that theory


October 28, 2009
Performance art: 'My Week So Far'


October 20, 2009
Get real


October 19, 2009
Sorbet, anyone?


October 16, 2009
Howzabout we just pretend I never said anything, and you can all crawl back into the sewer?


October 14, 2009
Because, much like FOX News, Daddy Scratches is Fair and Balanced (you know, except for the part where "Fair and Balanced" means "Loves to spread Right Wing propaganda and call it news").


October 12, 2009
So now I'm the unwitting poster child for why people shouldn't have children?


October 8, 2009
We now return to your regularly scheduled blog, already in progress


October 2, 2009
Hewlett Packard wants me to feel bad about myself




September 29, 2009
The Cruel Shoes


September 23, 2009
Marathon Man


September 17, 2009
Pay no attention to that safer vaccine behind the curtain


September 11, 2009
9/11


September 9, 2009
Comin' down the mountain


September 4, 2009
Look at all the gorgeous wonders of nature, kids! Kids? Hello?


September 1, 2009
Quest for Fun




August 27, 2009
Do the chickens have large talons?


August 22, 2009
My Summer Vacation, Part IV


August 18, 2009
My Summer Vacation, Part III


August 16, 2009
Happy Birthday to me ... sorta


August 16, 2009
My Summer Vacation, Intermission


August 12, 2009
My Summer Vacation, Part II


August 10, 2009
My Summer Vacation, Part I


August 5, 2009
Triple threat


August 3, 2009
Jayna: 4 years




July 31, 2009
One more iMac post, and then I swear, I’m done


July 29, 2009
This is where the witty headline would go if I had enough brainpower left to come up with one.


July 16, 2009
Pay no attention to the iMac that I just chucked out the window of a moving car on a busy superhighway during rush hour


July 7, 2009
The 4th of July ... which falls between the 3rd and the 5th of July


July 1, 2009
The one where I send you all into a deep depression




June 29, 2009
M.I.A. in PA


June 25, 2009
Our father, who art in chaos, procrastination be thy name


June 23, 2009
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" a.k.a., "How George Lucas Took A Giant Poop On Yet Another Beloved Trilogy From Your Childhood"


June 22, 2009
Playdate


June 19, 2009
And now a few words from my children's coats


June 17, 2009
Oh, by the way


June 15, 2009
So there I was, a lone drop of testosterone floating in a sea of estrogen ...


June 12, 2009
Zan: 6 years


June 10, 2009
New birthday rule


June 9, 2009
For Sale


June 6, 2009
Disney wants to eat your children


June 4, 2009
Bad parenting 101




May 30, 2009
Totally Tweaked-Out Tuesday, Part 2


May 27, 2009
Totally Tweaked-Out Tuesday, Part 1


May 23, 2009
Date night


May 21, 2009
9 + Nine = Oops


May 19, 2009
Having a ball (which, I'm sure you'll agree, seems much more wholesome than my first two choices: 'Balls' and 'My kid's got balls')


May 14, 2009
The ol' falling-out-of-bed switcheroo


May 11, 2009
Smooth Like Your Mother


May 8, 2009
Get pumped ... or something


May 5, 2009
The real reason I'm known as 'Daddy Scratches'




April 30, 2009
Cradle robber


April 29, 2009
Daddy Coaches


April 27, 2009
It's all downhill from here


April 23, 2009
A week between entries? Way to keep people interested, dummy


April 16, 2009
Driving me crazy


April 14, 2009
That big circle I just leapt out of? Yeah, that was my comfort zone


April 12, 2009
Happy Easter


April 8, 2009
Wall of shame


April 6, 2009
Play ball (maybe)!


April 3, 2009
Is it just me, or is this blog starting to seem like little more than a diary of illnesses?




March 31, 2009
TiVo's 'Video On Demand' feature is AWESOME ... and by 'AWESOME,' I mean it blows


March 26, 2009
Jayna: 3 years, 8 months


March 23, 2009
There's no place like home (Yes, I went with the cliché. Sue me.)


March 16, 2009
The darnedest things


March 13, 2009
U2? Me too!


March 12, 2009
Berated by Bono


March 10, 2009
The Worst Daddy in the World


March 7, 2009
An even bigger prick


March 4, 2009
A real prick


March 2, 2009
Does anyone have Heat Miser's phone number?




February 25, 2009
Tinkerbed


February 25, 2009
Breakin' the Law, Breakin' the Law (Hey, I've had it stuck in my head all day now, so I thought you might as well, too.)


February 23, 2009
Maybe if I don't think about it, it won't hurt as much. OUCH!


February 19, 2009
This one goes out to the makers of that helmet I was wearing Sunday afternoon. Much love.


February 17, 2009
Ski report


February 13, 2009
It's all downhill from here


February 10, 2009
A barrel of laughs


February 8, 2009
Ugh. Ow. Ick.


February 4, 2009
Short and sweet


February 3, 2009
Another mouth to feed




January 30, 2009
Here we snow again


January 27, 2009
The Dad Who Cried Wolf


January 23, 2009
Weekend at Bernie's Daddy's


January 21, 2009
Black and white


January 19, 2009
I wanted to like my birthday surprise ... really, I did


January 14, 2009
Sick E. Cheese


January 13, 2009
And the Academy Award for Best Parent in an Improv Performance While Operating an Automobile goes to ...


January 10, 2009
Attention beer drinkers


January 8, 2009
I have been to the mountaintop!


January 7, 2009
Still headbanging after all these years


January 5, 2009
Peace out, 2008. Yo yo yo, 2009.




December 28, 2008
When up on the roof, there arose such a clatter ...


December 22, 2008
Happy Holidays, Internet!


December 15, 2008
I considered titling this entry 'You Light Up My Life,' but that is just far, far too cheesy


December 11, 2008
Hey, since we're already lying to the kids anyway


December 8, 2008
Reasons I Love Her, No. 337


December 1, 2008
Did I mention that it was 19 degrees Fahrenheit in Boston the morning we left?




November 19, 2008
Time to vacate


November 13, 2008
Um, no, really: I'm with the band ...


November 9, 2008
Because just getting stuff done isn't difficult enough


November 4, 2008
Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me an almost-40-year-old man who gets into Halloween way too much




October 30, 2008
Some long-overdue love


October 23, 2008
Understanding the Economic Crisis, For Kids


October 20, 2008
Alternate ending


October 18, 2008
The Tenth Man


October 14, 2008
Her career in stand-up comedy is a lock


October 9, 2008
I do


October 3, 2008
I actually quoted Dokken in my yearbook. Dokken. What a tool.




September 23, 2008
Get out your violin


September 18, 2008
Finding the line


September 12, 2008
Example of why I have learned to mostly quit while I'm ahead


September 10, 2008
Voted Most Likely to Succeed


September 8, 2008
Episode VII: Battle for the Bed


September 2, 2008
Putting the 'Labor' in Labor Day Weekend




August 28, 2008
Next stop: Harvard


August 26, 2008
Is this really happening?


August 25, 2008
Have a drink on me


August 24, 2008
Loony ’toons


August 22, 2008
Not that there's anything wrong with that ...


August 20, 2008
I also pay a guy to fix my car


August 16, 2008
Behold: Daddy Scratches




July 30, 2008
A rose by any other name ...


July 12, 2008
Subject: No cellphone


July 12, 2008
Jayna: 3 years




June 11, 2008
Zan: 5 years


June 10, 2008
The Silly Mud Pig




March 20, 2008
Daily trials and tribulations of a 4-year-old




December 10, 2007
Teenage Mutant Ninja Kiddos




November 22, 2007
A funny thing happened on the way to my blog ...




September 26, 2007
I didn't expect that




July 12, 2007
Jayna: 2 years




June 11, 2007
Zan: 4 years




April 25, 2007
Battered Van Halen-fan syndrome




February 28, 2007
I propose a toast to you, my readers




January 29, 2007
'Tell me about your day, son ... ’


January 18, 2007
37


January 4, 2007
Funniest Washington Post article ever


January 1, 2007
Happy New Year to you, and Happy Anniversary to daddyscratches.com




December 22, 2006
Happy Holidays!




November 16, 2006
I like this Army better


November 11, 2006
A little post-election reflection


November 7, 2006
Destination: Hell. Mode of travel: Handbasket.




October 20, 2006
Jayna: 1 year 3 months


October 16, 2006
Constipation, Day 4


October 11, 2006
Zan: 3 years 4 months




August 8, 2006
And now, a musical interlude




July 20, 2006
Jayna: 1 year


July 5, 2006
Gilford Cabo Wabo, NH




June 24, 2006
Jayna: 11 months


June 20, 2006
Zan: 3 years




May 31, 2006
A hiatus of biblical proportion


May 15, 2006
Zan: 2 years 11 months, Jayna: 10 months


May 7, 2006
Canyons and cupcakes


May 3, 2006
How I love thee, frozen peas




April 28, 2006
Safety 1st my ass


April 12, 2006
Zan: 2 years 10 months 1 day, Jayna: 9 months


April 9, 2006
Van Halen (or, The Band That Ate My Life)




March 22, 2006
Home again, home again, jiggety jig


March 16, 2006
A bit south of SXSW


March 12, 2006
Jayna: 8 months


March 11, 2006
Zan: 2 years 9 months


March 7, 2006
Subject: Sarah's gone




February 26, 2006
World Series on ice


February 22, 2006
Nine Inch Wiggles


February 17, 2006
Jon's List of Things Not to Do, Item Nos. 231-233


February 14, 2006
Greetings from the Arctic Tundra


February 13, 2006
Definition of the word “fanatic”


February 11, 2006
Zan: 2 years 8 months


February 9, 2006
The Perfect Storm


February 7, 2006
The Poop Chronicles


February 1, 2006
Remember me?




January 17, 2006
36


January 10, 2006
Quit yer bitchin'


January 4, 2006
Welcome to the infirmary


January 3, 2006
C'mon, Dave, gimme a break


January 1, 2006
Happy New Year