Author Archives: Daddy Scratches

I appreciate this company-sanctioned act of rebellion

I feel young. Wild. Free. Look at me, bitches! I’m flipping off the establishment! Screw you, responsibility and adulthood! I’m a modern day Peter Pan! (If Peter Pan spent 40 hours per week in a cubicle farm, that is.) Khakis and dress shoes be damned. Today, I’m dressing down. Today, it’s jeans and sneakers. Because today? Today, my friends … is Casual Friday! Yeah, baby! Today, I’m sticking it to The Man! (With his permission, of course.) (Thank you, sir. May I have another?)… [read the rest]

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Posted in Cubicle, Life | 12 Responses

? It’s the least … wonderful tiiime … of the yeeearrr ?

Well, the holidays are over, boys and girls, and you know what that means: Time for me to slide into my cryogenic sleep chamber and get all kinds of unconscious for the next few months! Listen, I can handle the fall. I don’t like it … but I can handle it. In fact, if we could go from summer to fall and then right back to summer again, I’d be all smiles when fall showed up. Based on the current arrangement, however, fall is just nature’s equivalent of a used-car dealer pulling a shitty bait-and-switch routine. “You’re looking for Summer?… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life, Winter | Tagged | 18 Responses

Douchebag of the Year: National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO / gun lobbyist Wayne Lapierre

If this guy … fucked this guy … and they made a baby, that baby would grow up to be this guy: Yesterday, one week to the day after a madman walked into an elementary school with a military-style assault rifle that he used to fire into the bodies of 20 children and six adults a torrent of .223-caliber bullets fed to his weapon by a high-capacity magazine that allowed him to cause an unimaginable amount of death and carnage before ever needing to reload, National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne Lapierre — the man who more… [read the rest]

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Posted in Politics | 2 Responses

Angry, post-Newtown rant (or: No, asshole face, the Second Amendment doesn’t give you the right to endanger all of us)

We took the kids to the mall this past weekend for our annual family photo with Santa, and while standing in line I saw hanging on an adjacent ornament-vendor’s rack the patently offensive item shown above. (And I’m more than just a little ashamed to say that I didn’t, in that moment, have the presence of mind to gather them all up and hand them to the vendor while suggesting that he maybe throw them away.) “But Jon, that’s obviously for hunting enthusiasts. Lighten up.” Lighten up? Really? You want me to lighten up? Because here’s the thing: Fuck you.… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life, Politics | 13 Responses

I’m back … and I’m ready to handle it up!

While recently looking at my blog’s incoming-traffic data, I discovered that someone had arrived here through a translation link … which, when clicked on, led me to the page you see above. Ever since then, I’ve been wearing a mariachi costume, downing tequila shots and spontaneously shouting “¡Arriba!” at all hours of the day and night. So, you know, same as always. The big difference, however, is that I now am insisting that everyone refer to me as Papà Arañazos. Por favor. Gracias. In other news: I got sick of blogging. Not only maintaining my own, but reading everyone else’s.… [read the rest]

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Posted in Inspiration, Life, Writing | Comments closed