Author Archives: Daddy Scratches

If not for The Force, Darth Vader would have totally gotten his ass kicked, because that suit? Not very practical.

OK, so here’s the story with this bullshit: A few weeks ago, Wonder Woman and I took the kids to the comic-book store. While there, Wonder Woman, who is on the school council at Zan’s elementary school, hit up the owner to help sponsor a school fundraiser by providing for the event one of the costumed characters that often appear at the store. The owner said he didn’t have anyone specific he could send, but he’d be willing to loan out the store’s $800 Darth Vader costume. “Jon’s pretty tall,” Mr. Helpful Comic-Book Store Owner suggested. “He could wear it.”… [read the rest]

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Posted in Parenthood | Tagged | 22 Responses

Sorbet, anyone?

When I was 10, my parents took my brother, sister and I on our first big vacation. We flew from Boston to California, where we rented a Mercury Zephyr and visited Disneyland. The Zephyr had power windows, which were relatively new to us; had my parents used the money they spent on the trip to instead buy a car with power windows, we’d have been equally entertained. In addition to visiting Disneyland, we also visited Universal Studios … where, sadly, the “Jaws” attraction was drained due to in-progress maintenance. (There are few things more pathetic than an enormous, fake, Great… [read the rest]

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Posted in General, Life, Music | 13 Responses

Howzabout we just pretend I never said anything, and you can all crawl back into the sewer?

Wow. Just … wow. I’ve gotten quite an education over the past couple of days about a controversy I never knew existed. There apparently are battle lines drawn out there. On one side are the Childfree (a single word, I’ve learned), and on the other side are the Childed (what most people refer to as “Parents,” and what the angry faction of the Childfree movement refers to as “Breeders”; they also refer to mothers as “Moos” and fathers as “Duhdees” … and, I swear to Christ, I’m not making this up). When I sat down to write my “So now… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life, Parenthood | 70 Responses

Hewlett Packard wants me to feel bad about myself

I’ve had the color-inkjet printer shown above for just under six years, and if six human years are equal to 42 dog years, then 42 dog years are equal to 750 computer-technology years … which means, technologically speaking, my printer is … hmmm … times seven, carry the two … um … a billion years old. (I always sucked at math.) Zan recently needed to bring to school a picture of his family, so I printed one out for him. Here’s what it looked like: Turns out I had pretty much run out of ink, so I ordered some replacement… [read the rest]

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Posted in Geek, Life | 22 Responses

Dishes are done, man

Oh, the blogging I wanted to do today. I mean, when you have this much “funny” and “witty” and “sheer genius” pumping through your bloodstream 24/7, you need an outlet, you know what I’m sayin’? But here it is, 11 p.m., and I am just now finishing a day of working, and an evening of taking care of the kids, and helping Zan do his book report (because, you know, if there’s one thing 6-year-old kids who are spending all day, five days per week, cooped up in a classroom for the first time in their short little lives need,… [read the rest]

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Posted in Featured Photo | 12 Responses