Author Archives: Daddy Scratches

This is where the witty headline would go if I had enough brainpower left to come up with one.

Man, that previous entry was funny, wasn’t? All that whoopin’ it up about my underachieving iMac? Yessiree, comical stuff. Ha ha. Ho ho. Hee hee. Well, guess what? I’M NOT LAUGHIN’! Turns out my iMac is far more fucked than I originally thought. Like, unusably fucked. We’ve been home from vacation for two days, and I have spent almost every waking moment of those two days locked in a duel to the death with the iMac … and it almost won. Pinned me to the floor, battered me about the head and shoulders, poked me in the eyes and gave… [read the rest]

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Posted in Geek, Life | 10 Responses

Pay no attention to the iMac that I just chucked out the window of a moving car on a busy superhighway during rush hour

Hey there! Remember me? Yeah, right: Jon, a.k.a. Daddy Scratches. Man, things were really going well around here; traffic to the website was going up, up, UP, the audience was growing, and I was basking in the glow of your patronage and praise. Great for my self-esteem and sense of purpose. So, of course, that had to be stopped. And thank GAWD The Universe finally stepped in and bitch-slapped me down a few notches, because I was beginning to fear I might be on to something BIG here, and what would I do with that kind of success? Pffft. My… [read the rest]

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Posted in Geek, Life | 22 Responses

“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” a.k.a., “How George Lucas Took A Giant Poop On Yet Another Beloved Trilogy From Your Childhood”

A refrigerator. Indy hid in a refrigerator. In order to survive a nuclear blast. A refrigerator. A refrigerator that got tossed through the air, end over end, for miles. By the blast. The blast from the atomic bomb. The atomic bomb that instantly vaporized everything in a five-mile radius. Everything, that is, except for the refrigerator—which the blast from the atomic bomb instead launched through the air, for miles and miles, until it hit the ground. Hard. Miles away from the blast site. With Indiana Jones inside of it. And he popped open the door and got out and coughed… [read the rest]

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Posted in Movies | 5 Responses

Playdate

Overheard just now: Zan: My Dad knows more about baseball than anybody. He knows balls and strikes and everything. Friend: Oh yeah? Well, my Dad knows Terry Francona and all the Red Sox. Zan: Yeah, well, do you know about concerts? After concerts, my Dad gets to go backstage.… [read the rest]

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Posted in Parenthood, Zan | 12 Responses

And now a few words from my children’s coats

Why, children? Why do you hate us so? What ever have we done to you except keep you warm and dry and protected from the elements? Do you not understand that although it feels plenty warm enough to wear that sleeveless shirt and those shorts while you’re still inside the house with the door closed, it is not equally as warm on the other side of that door? Do you not realize that it is more than 20 degrees cooler outside right now, and that “more than 20 degrees cooler outside” means “much colder than it is indoors right now”?… [read the rest]

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Posted in Parenthood | 15 Responses