Author Archives: Daddy Scratches

This one goes out to the makers of that helmet I was wearing Sunday afternoon. Much love.

You should have seen me on the mountain last Saturday, man. I was like Tony Hawk. No, wait; he’s a skateboarder. Dude, last Saturday, I was like Shaun White. Yeah, man, that’s who I was like: Olympic gold-medalist snowboarder Shaun White. OK, not so much … but, still, I turned in one of the best days of snowboarding I’ve ever had—which was impressive, since I only boarded once last winter, and hadn’t done it at all for the six seasons prior to that. But anyway, yeah, Saturday, after Zan and Jayna’s amazing morning of skiing, Wonder Woman and I put… [read the rest]

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Posted in Buffoonery | 13 Responses

A barrel of laughs

[WARNING: Contains profanity … as does most of this blog … but it occurred to me after linking to this entry from an entry on The Pioneer Woman’s far more wholesome site that some of her audience might come over and have a heart attack when they unwittingly stumbled into a big pile of “F” bombs … so, now that you’ve been warned, any cardiac issues that might result from reading the following are on you.] About a million years ago, I mentioned some trouble we were having with raccoons getting into our trash barrels. Months later, my barrel nightmare… [read the rest]

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Posted in Buffoonery, Life | 35 Responses

Another mouth to feed

I can’t believe I forgot to introduce you all to the newest member of the family! Where are my manners? This little bundle of joy is Baby Alive Tink & Poops. No, that’s not her real name, but that is what Jayna has been calling her since, like, a year ago when she first saw the commercial. As you can probably surmise, the “Tink & Poops” part means she not only urinates—which is just so yesteryear—but she also defecates. And if there is one thing we need around here, it is a fake baby who shits herself. But she is… [read the rest]

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Posted in Jayna, Parenthood | Tagged | 40 Responses

Enough already

We got slammed with snow yesterday … again … to the tune of about a foot. I shoveled us out after it tapered off in the late afternoon … which is why I was kind of bummed when I woke up this morning to find that it had snowed about another six inches during the night. Back outside I went again to clear the snow along the edge of the roof (using a roof rake, by the way … an item I never even knew existed until I purchased a home; if I don’t use it, ice dams form and… [read the rest]

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Posted in Featured Photo | 7 Responses

Kiss this

Wonder Woman tells me that these things are called Kissing Balls. Yesterday, I took this picture of one that is still hanging in our backyard … just before I started shoveling … again. So far this winter, we’ve gotten approximately 3,119 inches of snow. Which reminds me: Mother Nature, if you’re reading this, I have some balls for you to kiss.… [read the rest]

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Posted in Featured Photo | 3 Responses