Author Archives: Daddy Scratches

Attention beer drinkers

The following is a Public Service Announcement from Daddy Scratches: Beware of Wachusett Brewing Company’s Green Monsta Ale! Why? Whaddya mean ‘why’? Because I said so, that’s why. Who are you, my kids? Jesus. Oh, wait, the “I said so” thing never works with them either. OK, here’s the explanation: Last Saturday night, a most rare occurrence took place: Wonder Woman and I went out. And not only did we go out, but we went out to dinner and a party. So let’s start the tally: I had two—count ’em, two—drinks with dinner. This is nothing unusual. (Well, actually, being… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 15 Responses


Actually, it’s been about 33 years, so I can’t be sure that’s what I was saying here … but it sure looks like it, no? The main thing that comes to mind when I think about going out in the snow as a child is how god-awfully cumbersome it was to try to move around in all that gear. I get exhausted just thinking about it … which is why I’m guessing this is a picture of me launching my body down a hill and over a log because I was tired of trying to actually walk through the snow… [read the rest]

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I have been to the mountaintop!

Oh, the baggage. [sigh] The baggage, the baggage. The heavy baggage. It weighs upon me. Heavily. The baggage, it does. Occasionally, however, there comes a way to shed some of that oh-so-heavy baggage … and because one of those ways recently presented itself to me, I feel I should share it with you. It’s called: The Delete Button. Let me show you how it works: Say your father comes over to pick up your 5-year-old son for a pre-arranged sleepover your son cajoled your father and his wife into hosting, and your father is all stressed out because he thought… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 8 Responses

Still headbanging after all these years

There are so many things wrong with this photo (not the least of which is the fact that I was standing in the bathroom at midnight taking a picture of myself in the mirror), or at least why this photo came to be, that I hardly know where to begin. Every night before I go to bed, I hoof it upstairs and carry the kids to the bathroom in their sleep so that we can avoid any bed-wetting mishaps (and, boy oh boy, have there been some spectacular bed-wetting mishaps over the years … but a friend who is the… [read the rest]

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Posted in Buffoonery | 8 Responses

When up on the roof, there arose such a clatter …

It wasn’t that I thought placing the ladder’s feet on the cement-and-flagstone walkway was necessarily a good idea … it’s just that that’s where I needed it to be in order to properly secure the Christmas lights to the gutter above the front door. I had already tried standing on the threshold of the doorway, but I couldn’t quite reach the gutter from there. A step ladder probably would have been the way to go, but it was getting darker and colder and I had already spent more time than I could afford trying to string up all of this… [read the rest]

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Posted in Buffoonery | 5 Responses