Author Archives: Daddy Scratches

He writes the songs

The Las Vegas Hilton is home to none other than Mr. Barry Manilow. I can’t escape his visage. It’s everywhere. The outside of the building, the posters in the lobby, the hallways, the Barry Manilow store (yes, an entire store of Barry Manilow shwag)—even my room key, fer crissakes. About a month ago, I spotted Mr. Manilow at the Bristol Lounge in Boston’s Four Seasons hotel. That face … that nose … that hair … those eyes … eyes that appeared unable to blink thanks to enough plastic surgery to take all of the slack out of a human being’s… [read the rest]

Pin It
Posted in Featured Photo | Leave a comment

A rose by any other name …

Scene: Zan and Daddy on the couch, watching the Red Sox play the Angels. “Daddy, do you know any of the Angels players’ names?” “Well, their newest guy is Mark Texaira … and they have a great hitter named Vladimir Guerrero …” “V-lad-i-mir Gor-arrow?” “Guerrero.” “Gwa-arrow?” “Almost. It’s Guerrero.” [Pause] “I wish they named him Bill.”… [read the rest]

Pin It
Posted in Quoting Zan | Leave a comment

Subject: No cellphone

To: [Lots of people] Hi, this is Jon. I can’t get to the phone right now because it shattered into a million pieces on Interstate 95 early last evening. Its pieces are intermingled with those of the six-hour-old BlackBerry Curve that I received from my employer yesterday. I left both on the roof of my car while transporting my family from point A to point B. Total estimated retail value: $700. If you need to reach me, please call me on my home phone … which I probably won’t answer, because I’m busy throwing up. Thanks.… [read the rest]

Pin It
Posted in Buffoonery, Life | Leave a comment

A funny thing happened on the way to my blog …

So, as I was mentioning a while back, I was hoping to start posting here with a little more frequency … but, as I also was mentioning a while back, I had been busy getting my Red Sox website off the ground, and it was eating up a significant amount of my time. Well, it turns out that the site actually was only nibbling at my time back then—a comparison I am now able to make because, shortly after I wrote that post, the site began devouring my time in massive, sloppy, impolite, noisy, Cookie Monster-like chomps and gulps. Here’s… [read the rest]

Pin It
Posted in Inspiration, PhotoChops, Red Sox, TV | 4 Responses

Battered Van Halen-fan syndrome

Look, I appreciate your concern, but, really, I’m OK. He’s not going to hurt me again. Yes, I know it’s not the first time he’s said he’d change … not the first time he’s said it won’t happen again … that he’ll stop drinking … that I can trust him … that he really loves me. I know. But, seriously, I think he really means it this time. I mean, look: he went and got help. Real help. Professional help. That month he just spent in rehab … I mean, c’mon, that’s a big step. He’s making a real effort.… [read the rest]

Pin It
Posted in Music, Van Halen | 2 Responses