Category Archives: Buffoonery

A barrel of laughs

[WARNING: Contains profanity … as does most of this blog … but it occurred to me after linking to this entry from an entry on The Pioneer Woman’s far more wholesome site that some of her audience might come over and have a heart attack when they unwittingly stumbled into a big pile of “F” bombs … so, now that you’ve been warned, any cardiac issues that might result from reading the following are on you.] About a million years ago, I mentioned some trouble we were having with raccoons getting into our trash barrels. Months later, my barrel nightmare… [read the rest]

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Still headbanging after all these years

There are so many things wrong with this photo (not the least of which is the fact that I was standing in the bathroom at midnight taking a picture of myself in the mirror), or at least why this photo came to be, that I hardly know where to begin. Every night before I go to bed, I hoof it upstairs and carry the kids to the bathroom in their sleep so that we can avoid any bed-wetting mishaps (and, boy oh boy, have there been some spectacular bed-wetting mishaps over the years … but a friend who is the… [read the rest]

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When up on the roof, there arose such a clatter …

It wasn’t that I thought placing the ladder’s feet on the cement-and-flagstone walkway was necessarily a good idea … it’s just that that’s where I needed it to be in order to properly secure the Christmas lights to the gutter above the front door. I had already tried standing on the threshold of the doorway, but I couldn’t quite reach the gutter from there. A step ladder probably would have been the way to go, but it was getting darker and colder and I had already spent more time than I could afford trying to string up all of this… [read the rest]

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Subject: No cellphone

To: [Lots of people] Hi, this is Jon. I can’t get to the phone right now because it shattered into a million pieces on Interstate 95 early last evening. Its pieces are intermingled with those of the six-hour-old BlackBerry Curve that I received from my employer yesterday. I left both on the roof of my car while transporting my family from point A to point B. Total estimated retail value: $700. If you need to reach me, please call me on my home phone … which I probably won’t answer, because I’m busy throwing up. Thanks.… [read the rest]

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I propose a toast to you, my readers

So, yesterday morning, I went for a short run (redundant, really, since “short” is the only kind of run I ever seem to go for, if at all), and returned home feeling all fit and spry—and hungry. This last part is always a challenge, because the extent of my culinary abilities is limited to boiling and toasting—or so I thought. Turns out I can remove “toasting” from my résumé. For the “boiling” part, I placed a couple eggs in a pot of water on the stove. For the “toasting” part, I placed a couple slices of wheat bread in the… [read the rest]

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