Category Archives: Cubicle

Cubicle

If you’re a ginormous asshole who regularly demonstrates a total disregard for your co-workers, this post is for you

So that I.T. job I’ve been wasting away at for almost four years now? Well, I still haven’t figured out how to leverage my writing skills in a way that’ll get me the fuck outta there … but I have figured out how to have a little fun with those skills in the meantime. And so, instead of limiting the recipients of my latest masterpieces to the adult-sized toddlers with whom I work, I figured I’d share these two missives with all of you as well. You’re welcome! (Of course, it’s beyond depressing that I work in a place where… [read the rest]

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Posted in Cubicle | 9 Responses

The Week in Review: January 24, 2014 … a collection of bitching and moaning misleadingly presented as though it were part of an ongoing weekly feature that doesn’t really exist

As previously reported, I had a lovely birthday last Friday … and I am both glad and thankful for the memory of that day, because I’ve not had a particularly good one since. Over the weekend, I … Christ, I don’t even remember. I know it largely involved trying (and, ultimately, failing in epic fashion) to not lose my shit all over my eight-and-a-half-year-old daughter, who for the past two weeks has slipped into a horrifically disconcerting, anxiety-induced regression back to age three … complete with nonstop, inconsolable crying and “No!”-ing and grunting and, most disturbingly, endless amounts of high-pitched,… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Howard Stern, Life, Winter | 8 Responses

Exciting news for the grown man who keeps pissing all over the toilet seat at my workplace!

You would think there’d be no need for me to do something like this in an adults-only, professional, key-card-protected work environment. You would be wrong.… [read the rest]

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Posted in Cubicle | 8 Responses

The reason I don’t know your names after all this time isn’t because I don’t really give a shit what your names are, it’s because I … well, no, actually, that is the reason

Dear Co-workers Whose Names I Still Do Not Know, Allow me to apologize. After almost three years of working here, you would think I would know what to call at least half of you … and the fact that I don’t makes me feel bad. Sort of. OK, perhaps “bad” is too strong a word … but I do, at the very least, feel mildly uncomfortable when one of you greets me by name and I, in return, can only do that “Hey, how’s it going [mumbly sound that may or may not share some phonetic resemblance to your actual… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Life | 9 Responses

Burger King spiked my co-worker’s fries with a mind-altering substance

It all started with a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. We ran out of sliced turkey … and being the financially sensible (read: broke) person that I am, I decided that, rather than eat out, I would bring to work a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. Lunchtime arrived. I was weak. Faint. Famished. I ate the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. It was, shall we say, less than satisfying. I was fucking starving. To death, even. Death was imminent. My co-worker, meanwhile, opted for Burger King … a place from which I had not eaten a single morsel in more than 10 years. It was 2002 when last I… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Life | 11 Responses