Category Archives: Jayna

Pay no attention to that safer vaccine behind the curtain

So I took the kids to get their flu shots yesterday, and it sucked. The End. Seriously, need I say more? I mean, if you’ve ever had to take your kids to get a flu shot — or any shot, for that matter — you know the deal: shot = sucks. The End. But, of course, that’s not The End, is it? No, certainly not … for I must entertain and astound you, and, with any luck, make you regurgitate your beverage through your nose. So … When Wonder Woman informed me that she had a work commitment Wednesday evening,… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Parenthood, Zan | 31 Responses

A week between entries? Way to keep people interested, dummy

Jesus Christ, can somebody open some windows in here? Talk about stuffy. Place smells like a morgue. Whew. Sorry ’bout that. So, yes, I’m back from my weeklong semi-hiatus, and much love to you the faithful who have continued to return, day in, day out, to see if I’ve gotten off my ass and written something for you, only to find that I sucked, and hadn’t. (Which reminds me: Hi! Have you met my sort-of-daily Photo of the Day-ish feature? It usually comprises not only a breathtaking piece of photographic brilliance, but also some elegant, witty and wonderful prose relating… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Life, Parenthood, Zan | 15 Responses

Another mouth to feed

I can’t believe I forgot to introduce you all to the newest member of the family! Where are my manners? This little bundle of joy is Baby Alive Tink & Poops. No, that’s not her real name, but that is what Jayna has been calling her since, like, a year ago when she first saw the commercial. As you can probably surmise, the “Tink & Poops” part means she not only urinates—which is just so yesteryear—but she also defecates. And if there is one thing we need around here, it is a fake baby who shits herself. But she is… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Parenthood | Tagged | 40 Responses

Safety 1st my ass

Safety 1st Tubside Bath Seat

I am Daddy. Not only am I Daddy, but I am also Daddy the Ex-Military Police K-9 Handler, as well as The Person Who Is Smarter Than Everyone Else In the Room—two traits that inherently mean I can take care of “It,” whatever “It” might be.

I have been able to cloak myself in this delusion for years, and it has allowed me to chuckle and look with pity and scorn upon those among you who occasionally have found yourselves in laughably ridiculous situations from which you have had to be delivered by others who are apparently smarter and more levelheaded than you.

Well, even Superman has an Achilles Heel.… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Buffoonery, Parenthood | 16 Responses