There are many downsides to being a hypochondriac … but it does have its benefits. Take yesterday, for example. Yesterday, I headed to my doctor’s office for the third time in about two weeks … which, for me, is unfuckingprecedented, since my immune system is basically on par with Wolverine’s. And yet, despite my mutant healing powers, I’ve had a persistent cough for, like, a month now. During my first doctor’s visit, he prescribed an albuterol inhaler and a codeine-based cough suppressant. After a week, the inhaler had accomplished roughly jack shit, and I’m pretty sure I was downing the… [read the rest]
- "We have not caved and we have not backed down," said @SonyPictures CEO Michael Lynton shortly after caving and backing down. #TheInterview about 2 days ago
- .@SonyPictures rejected my script about an American film company kowtowing to a dictatorial regime. Reason: "Not believable." #TheInterview about 4 days ago
- In related news: @SonyPictures changes name to @SpinelessDoucheCanoePictures. CC: @Sethrogen @JamesFrancoTV @JuddApatow about 4 days ago
- Confession: I still have no idea what the fuck gluten is. about 4 days ago
More ways to love me
Daddy On the Go
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Letters to my kids
- The Cruel Shoes (54)
- Mariah Hernandez: Wash them in a pillow case at air dry or dry in pillow xase too!
- I will write something about this photo as soon as I can stop welling up with tears every time I look at it, m’kay? (8)
- Amanda: AWESOME! I love it. Makes me want to cry just reading about you wanting to cry but the nice thing about this...
- UPDATED: Well, this oughta do wonders for my OCD (8)
- Amanda: I understand your loss. While it totally sucks that it broke in half, at least you still have it. I...
- Meg Lessard: I recently inherited an antique turquoise ring from my departed aunt. Damned if I didn’t wear it...
- Laura: I have an alabaster heart that has seen better days. I look at it and it reminds of my own personal emotional...
- The Cruel Shoes (54)
- UPDATED: Well, this oughta do wonders for my OCD
- I will write something about this photo as soon as I can stop welling up with tears every time I look at it, m’kay?
The Scratches Family’s Excellent Adventure, Part 3:
Wide Right, motherfucker!
- If you’re a ginormous asshole who regularly demonstrates a total disregard for your co-workers, this post is for you
- I’ve narrowly cheated death yet again
- And then I bought a spaceship!
- I traveled into the future and went snowboarding with my son … and I know it was the future because there’s no way I currently have a son who’s old enough to snowboard with me
- I’m basically replacing Howard Stern … except for the “replacing Howard Stern” part.
- It’s very important that one of you buy me a house on Florida’s Gulf Coast, because fuck this