Category Archives: Life

That trip to Mexico I keep meaning to tell you about, which almost didn’t happen because of my unrivaled ability to be a complete and utter moron

About two hours into our flight from Philadelphia to Cancun, I discovered that I had committed The Biggest Fuck-Up of All Time … like, to the extent that I knew it would be best for my marriage if I just went ahead and threw myself out of the aircraft. Which was a shame, really … because everything had been going so well. The kids were sound asleep at my in-laws’ house when my wife and I slipped out into the chilly, predawn darkness and drove to the airport. Once there, we breezed through check-in and cruised through security without being… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Buffoonery, Marriage | 33 Responses

We were young and fit and healthy and childless (and young) and full of energy and disposable time and discretionary income … and mostly took it for granted. *sigh*

Us, circa 1999: Us, circa 2010: Wonder Woman is headed to the hairdresser today, and she asked me for some input about what to do with her locks. I recalled the 1999 photo up top there as being one in which her hair looked particularly lovely, so I dug it out. Wow. And now, I will spend the rest of the day hearing Mick Jagger’s voice in my head singing, “What a drag it is getting oooold.” (So old, in fact, that I’m wondering if you whippersnappers even know who Mick Jagger is.) Actually, I have occasionally gone on Facebook… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Marriage | 33 Responses

Dear 2011: I am going to massage your ass with exotic oils while feeding you hand-peeled grapes and telling you how wise and attractive and thin and youthful-looking you are

One year ago today, I told 2010 that I was going to whup its ass … and 2010 responded by putting on a pair of these and using my nuts as a speedbag … so I’m trying a different tack this time around. This past year was, without a doubt, the single most unpleasant, difficult, overwhelming, foundation-shaking, depression-inducing, anxiety-provoking year of my entire life. I know that the calendar is a man-made construct, and that the delineation between December 31, 2010 and January 1, 2011 is merely symbolic … but after the year I just had, I am more than… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 15 Responses

I’m kind of like a superhero who saves people … except the people I save usually aren’t in any real danger other than that which I’ve conjured up in my own wildly neurotic imagination

Last weekend, my mother-in-law treated me, Wonder Woman, our kids, our nephew and WW’s older brother to the Philly Pops’ annual holiday concert at The Kimmel Center for the Performing Arts — or, as I like to call it, The Anxiety-Provoking Center for the Provocation of Anxiety in the Overly Neurotic Parent Who Fears the Accidental Falling from Great Heights and Subsequent Premature Death of His Children and Nephew. The building itself was as spectacular as had my wife, mother-in-law and brother-in-law led me to believe it would be. An architectural masterpiece, really. Unfortunately, when I’m responsible for the wellbeing… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Parenthood | 17 Responses

Working, man

As you may or may not recall (because it’s been so long since I actually, you know, wrote something here), I got laid off back in May … and although I was courted by a Big Financial Services Company and briefly flirted with the idea of becoming the new Aflac duck, I passed on both of those opportunities in the hopes that something better might come along. Prior to my layoff, Wonder Woman and I had already decided to move our family from the Boston area to the Philadelphia area, so the week I was laid off, I haphazardly fired… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Writing | 24 Responses