Category Archives: Life

Unemployed, but popular (in a completely obscure and geeky kind of way)

Now that I’m officially unemployed, I can pretty much do whatever the hell I want to do, whenever the hell I want to do it. That’s right, baby: you can’t hold me down. I’m as free as a bird … albeit a soon-to-be-homeless bird with two kids, a wife and a six-figure pile of debt I no longer have any means to pay for. But, hey: freedom is a state of mind … and if you’re as insane as I am, you can look at all of those dire realities and shrug them off with one big, fat, optimistic “Fuck… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Inspiration | 14 Responses

No, really: This job-search thing is like shooting fish in a barrel

OK, seriously: What’s with all the hubbub about high unemployment rates in this country? Because I’m still two business days away from separating with my soon-to-be-former employer, and already the job offers are coming at me faster than I can keep up with them. You jobless whiners out there must be a bunch of losers; this job-search shit is even easier than kicking my kids’ asses at Candyland. As if yesterday’s offer of a Financial Services Representative position from my man Glenn wasn’t enough, this morning, I received the following pitch from Aflac: —— Dear Jon: I found your resume… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 22 Responses

Man, this finding-a-new-job thing is going to be easier than I thought

Since learning last week that I had been laid off from my job of the past 10 years, I’ve been feeling a bit anxious and unsettled. So imagine my relief when, this morning, just a few short days after uploading to CareerBuilder.com a copy of my résumé, I received the following email: —— Hi Jon, My name is Glenn [So-and-so] Managing Partner for [Nationally Known Life Insurance/Financial Services Company]. I recently reviewed your resume on CareerBuilder and your background would be a great fit for the Financial Services Representative position that we are looking to fill. I would like to… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 32 Responses

Pardon me while I use this post to take care of some important administrative business

From: Jon, a.k.a. Daddy Scratches 1 Way Too Expensive House Chokingly Huge Mortgage, MA, 0MFG! To: The Bank Dear The Bank, Listen, about that money I owe you? See, here’s the thing: I bought this house and all this other shit when I had, you know, a job. Problem is, I found out a couple days ago that my job? My job of the past 10 years? The dream, work-from-home, full-time-music-journalist job that I love so much? Yeah, that’s gone. Pfft. Gonzo. See ya. Buh-bye. And, sadly, gone with it are all those other things I love so much …… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 28 Responses

More evidence that a.) I’m mentally ill, and b.) I really do need a vacation

Remember that whole Balloon Boy thing? I discovered today that it apparently scarred me. As I watched what we were all led to believe was a homemade weather balloon with a 5-year-old boy trapped inside of it — or, worse, a homemade weather balloon that may already have ejected and sent plunging to his death a 5-year-old boy — I couldn’t help but imagine how I’d feel if it was one of my own children, and the anxiety that I experienced as a result of that pleasant little daydream was intense. (And, yes, I wanted to beat the balls off… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Buffoonery | 25 Responses