Category Archives: Life

Jury unanimously rules in favor of enraged father who used controversial “Star Wars”-spoiler defense in the beating death of his 12-year-old son’s dickhead classmate

That is a news headline you may well be reading in the not-too-distant future, because I am so pissed off and upset right now that I barely know what else to do with myself. And because I have no rational and/or truly satisfying target at which to aim the massive amount of rage, sadness and disappointment boiling within me, I am going to channel it into this post with the hope that doing so might help me to process the situation and move on. (I don’t believe it will, but I’m going to give it a try anyway, because the… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Parenthood | Tagged | 10 Responses

Star Wars: The Dork Awakens

Everyone kept saying "Nice costume!" WTF? I dress like this every day… A photo posted by Daddy Scratches (@daddyscratches) on Nov 1, 2015 at 5:27am PST My daughter is begging me to not dress like this when we go see “Star Wars” tomorrow morning. I’m not making any promises. (She’s lucky I’m not threatening to go full-on Vader like I did that one time.) UPDATE: Hey, let’s vote on it! Should this Jedi embarrass the hell out of his 10-year-old daughter? You decide. https://t.co/vKhY2Gutwt #StarWars — Daddy Scratches (@DaddyScratches) December 18, 2015 In related news: WE’RE GOING TO SEE STAR… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Geek | Tagged | 3 Responses

I was going to be a successful writer but then A.D.D. and Facebook and what the fuck were we just talking about?

I’ve been meaning to write something awesome … but then this porcupine ate a pumpkin: I think we can all agree that that is some critically important shit right there, people … and if not for Facebook, I might have missed it while squandering my time in pursuit of my greatest dreams and ambitions. Fortunately, I have access to Facebook at all hours of the day—on my phone, my computer and my iPad … which, granted, is pretty kick-ass, but still … I’m hoping that Mark Zuckerberg soon will unveil plans to install Facebook directly onto my optic nerve so… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 4 Responses

Dear Interstate 95: Please stop being an asshole.

I know you’ll find this hard to believe coming from a guy who often goes to bed prior to his 12-year-old son, but I am not much of a party animal these days. I mean, listen, I enjoy the occasional get-together, and I can even kick it into full-on Life of the Party mode when called for … but I generally don’t yearn for opportunities to plant myself in the midst of a large group of people whose intention is to make merry until well after I’m normally drooling on my pillow, even if that large group of people is… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 7 Responses

I have many important updates for you … minus “many” and “important.”

First, regarding last month’s mirror-smashing mailbox debacle: The owner of said mailbox never responded to the letter I wrote to him/her … presumably because he/she figured that the less contact he/she had with that letter’s obviously unstable author, the better. And we can’t blame him/her for that, now, can we? No, we can not. Thankfully, it appears that the mailbox’s owner instead chose to exert the relatively minimal amount of effort needed to knock out the relatively minor dent in his/her relatively sturdy mailbox … that sturdiness being relative, of course, to the sturdiness of my car’s passenger-side mirror …… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Music | 4 Responses