Category Archives: Life

#WarriorDown

I called him “Shep,” like, at least two or three times before finally realizing that I’d mis-remembered (yes, that’s a word now) his last name; it was “Sam Shelby,” not “Sam Shepard.” It was our first day working together, and there I am, calling him “Shep” … repeatedly … because I’m a douche. Of course, when I finally realized (with no small amount of embarrassment) the mistake I’d been making, Sam just laughed it off and took it upon himself to make the moment far less uncomfortable and awkward than I deserved for it to be … because that’s who… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 27 Responses

Mirror mirror, on the wall ground … and the dashboard … and the seats … and the floormats … who’s the biggest pick-up-truck-driving asshole of them all?

Actual letter I placed in someone’s mailbox on my way home from work yesterday: Hi. My name’s Jon. This morning, as I was driving by your house, a large pick-up truck — presumably driven by some schmuck who at the time was busy using his phone to Google “Why do people keep telling me I’m such an idiot?” — crossed the lane divider and almost struck my car head-on. In order to avoid a collision, I had to swerve out of the way … which resulted in my passenger-side mirror slamming into your mailbox. This completely destroyed the mirror and… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 15 Responses

The nuclear option … or, Why I’ve erased my children from the blogosphere

“Hey Dad, what the fuck is this website we found containing tons of pictures of, and stories about, us? Also, you’re an asshole and we hate you.” —My children, circa some point in the not-too-distant future When I started blogging almost a decade ago (yes, I’ve been blogging for almost a decade now … which is either very impressive, or very depressing, or probably both), my primary influences were a handful of Mommy Bloggers who were writing with equal parts brutal honesty, heartfelt emotion and sharp-tongued humor about the trials and tribulations of raising young children while simultaneously struggling to… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Jayna, Parenthood, Writing, Zan | 16 Responses

Real-estate shaming: The newest trend in pre-adolescent douchebaggery

Take a look at this screen capture and tell me what you see: Chances are you see the homepage of Zillow.com, a site where one can go and look up the supposed value of any given home. That’s what I used to see, too. Now? Now I see this: Allow me to explain. Back when I was a kid, maybe the shittiest thing we’d do is give some nerd a wedgie … and by “we,” I mean the little assholes I went to school with, and by “some nerd,” I mean me … but that’s beside the point. Anyway …… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Parenthood, Zan | 16 Responses

So about that neurosis-inducing crystal-breaking incident…

Hey, remember this? Well, I know you’ve all been lying awake at night fretting over the outcome of that tragedy, so I decided it was time to put some closure on the broken-crystal story. When last I updated you, my plan was to return to Crow Haven Corner, the bona fide “witch shop” in Salem, Massachusetts, from which I bought my now-broken crystal more than 20 years ago. The only problem with that plan was the fact that, back then, I was attending college in Salem. Nowadays, I live about 370 miles away. So, you know … slightly less convenient.… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 13 Responses