Category Archives: Life

I’m goin’ back to Cali

Comin’ atcha live from 35,000 feet, it’s the Scratches Family Vacation. Next stop: Los Angeles. So here’s the deal: My brother calls us last December and tells us he’s getting married. Woohoo! In August, while the kids are out of school. Nice! In California. Ouch! Yeah, a cross-country trip for a family of four wasn’t exactly in our budget this year. Or any year, for that matter. Partly because we don’t actually have a budget … but mostly because we don’t have any, you know, money. But, OK, so we’re headed to California. And, hey, since we’re gonna be in… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Family, Parenthood | 6 Responses

The writer who cried wolf … except, instead of “wolf,” he cried “I’m a writer.”

Remember last year, when I had that mini-nervous-breakdown in the parking lot at work and swore that it would serve as the launching pad for my creative-writing career? Well, since that time, I have successfully completed my first draft of … nothing. Yes, that’s correct: Other than writing a few dozen posts for this blog, I, during the 18 months that have passed since I made that lofty proclamation, have done very little in the way of inching towards my goal of producing a complete written work. And by “very little,” I mean “nothing.” Sure, there was that months-long foray… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 16 Responses

The reason I don’t know your names after all this time isn’t because I don’t really give a shit what your names are, it’s because I … well, no, actually, that is the reason

Dear Co-workers Whose Names I Still Do Not Know, Allow me to apologize. After almost three years of working here, you would think I would know what to call at least half of you … and the fact that I don’t makes me feel bad. Sort of. OK, perhaps “bad” is too strong a word … but I do, at the very least, feel mildly uncomfortable when one of you greets me by name and I, in return, can only do that “Hey, how’s it going [mumbly sound that may or may not share some phonetic resemblance to your actual… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Cubicle | 9 Responses

In the fairy-tale version of this story, I would have hit an epic home run

That previous post really set the stage for an exciting, emotional, underdog-makes-good kind of ending, didn’t it? The shrimpy, non-baseball-playing kid scarred from his less-than-enjoyable Little League experience steps to the plate more than three decades later and belts one over the fence. And our fairy-tale ending would have been even more dramatic if, on the night of that recent home-run derby, our hero was the eighth batter, and the seven other batters who went before him — all of whom had substantially more baseball-playing experience — failed to hit a single home run. Ten swings each. Seventy swings total.… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Baseball | 14 Responses

Take Me Out to the Therapist… Take Me Out to the Shrink…

The game of baseball has become a major part of my family’s life … which, based on the following photo, should come as a surprise to no one. I mean, let’s face it: When your background includes playing on a team of this caliber, your family is pretty much guaranteed a baseball-rich life: I’ll point myself out in a moment, but first: How ’bout that coach, huh? He makes Morris Buttermaker look like Anthony Robbins. Of course, in his defense: Look at the collection of misfits he had to work with. I would suggest that his lack of enthusiasm was… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Baseball | 6 Responses