Category Archives: Life

If you like this, you should probably put a ring on it … and then you should get your head checked by a mental-health professional.

Super Bowl Fun Fact: That outfit Beyoncé had on? I’m wearing the same thing. Tough to walk in these shoes, but my ass looks spectacular. — Daddy Scratches (@DaddyScratches) February 4, 2013 What, you thought I was kidding? Awesome — and real — Beyonce images HERE.… [read the rest]

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Also posted in PhotoChops | 7 Responses

Burger King spiked my co-worker’s fries with a mind-altering substance

It all started with a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. We ran out of sliced turkey … and being the financially sensible (read: broke) person that I am, I decided that, rather than eat out, I would bring to work a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. Lunchtime arrived. I was weak. Faint. Famished. I ate the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. It was, shall we say, less than satisfying. I was fucking starving. To death, even. Death was imminent. My co-worker, meanwhile, opted for Burger King … a place from which I had not eaten a single morsel in more than 10 years. It was 2002 when last I… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Cubicle | 11 Responses

This entire thing is in my stomach right now

File under “Irony” … Right after lunch, I got this email from my doc: Your labs from yesterday are excellent. As expected, your HDL (good) cholesterol is even higher [than last year], and the remainder of your numbers are healthy. Please have someone carve that on my tombstone this weekend. Thanks. I’m gonna miss you guys.… [read the rest]

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Posted in Life | 5 Responses

I appreciate this company-sanctioned act of rebellion

I feel young. Wild. Free. Look at me, bitches! I’m flipping off the establishment! Screw you, responsibility and adulthood! I’m a modern day Peter Pan! (If Peter Pan spent 40 hours per week in a cubicle farm, that is.) Khakis and dress shoes be damned. Today, I’m dressing down. Today, it’s jeans and sneakers. Because today? Today, my friends … is Casual Friday! Yeah, baby! Today, I’m sticking it to The Man! (With his permission, of course.) (Thank you, sir. May I have another?)… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Cubicle | 12 Responses

? It’s the least … wonderful tiiime … of the yeeearrr ?

Well, the holidays are over, boys and girls, and you know what that means: Time for me to slide into my cryogenic sleep chamber and get all kinds of unconscious for the next few months! Listen, I can handle the fall. I don’t like it … but I can handle it. In fact, if we could go from summer to fall and then right back to summer again, I’d be all smiles when fall showed up. Based on the current arrangement, however, fall is just nature’s equivalent of a used-car dealer pulling a shitty bait-and-switch routine. “You’re looking for Summer?… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Winter | Tagged | 18 Responses