Jenny, a.k.a. The Bloggess, recently wrote a post that contained a number of Valentine’s Day-card suggestions. This is not one of them … but she did write this phrase elsewhere within that same post, and I feel it really captures the sentiment of this special occasion: In related news: Fifteen years ago today, I asked Wonder Woman to marry me. Tonight, she’ll mark the occasion by playing Bunco with a group of fellow moms who apparently felt Bunco Night just COULD. NOT. WAIT. (Worth noting: I have no idea what the fuck Bunco is. I’m picturing a card game that… [read the rest]
- How in the FUCK is this even up for debate, let alone rejected? I have officially had it with our "democracy." https://t.co/bKTlC8qjq9 about 4 days ago
- Turns out that if @IdrisElba raps on your song, I'll be compelled to play it on an endless loop for hours at a time. https://t.co/phX8XQ3LE1 about 1 month ago
- Thrilled to announce that the only 2 things I know about @Beyonce's "Lemonade" are 1.) @Beyonce did something & 2.) it's called "Lemonade." about 1 month ago
- Starting to doubt claims that exercise is good for you. Did some yesterday and now feel much worse than I did before. about 2 months ago
Daddy on the Go
- I've narrowly cheated death yet again
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”
- A note to my children from The Elf on the Shelf
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery Rhyme
- Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector
- Mother Nature is a heartless wench who will turn your own children against you
- The time I almost became a highly paid insurance mascot.
- The time I committed the most embarrassing social gaffe in the history of embarrassing social gaffes.
- The time I did my best to completely sabotage a dream vacation.
- The time I finally used my passport.
- The time I got a vasectomy.
- The time I nearly burned down my house.
- The time I built a car … I mean, a high-tech doorstop.
- The time I was forced to deal with an incontinent doll.
- The time I couldn't free my daughter from a bath seat in which she had become trapped.
- The time I hung out with Van Halen.
More Ways to Love Me
- This one hurts (8)
- Amy K.: I grew up in the Minneapolis area, and still live here, and we are taking it hard! I was lucky enough to see...
- Keeley: I must be older than you; for me it was Bowie. It was my son who texted me that Bowie was gone and right...
- Paige: I had never cried over a celebrity or musician dying until Thursday. 🙁 I’ve had his music on full...
- Karen B.: Me too. All of it. Taking this one hard. 🙁
- And then I went outside to shovel and never came back (22)
- Amy: Are you still shoveling? Hope you survived the winter and hope the red socks have a good season ?
- This one hurts (8)
- This one hurts
- And then I went outside to shovel and never came back
- “10 Years a Blogger” (which seemed like a catchy title when I first thought of it, but then I realized that’s because it’s reminiscent of “12 Years a Slave” … which I never saw, but I assume it’s about slavery … and, other than the pay, blogging has nothing in common with slavery … the latter of which is neither a funny topic, nor anything to make light of … and I should probably just stop talking now)
- Jury unanimously rules in favor of enraged father who used controversial “Star Wars”-spoiler defense in the beating death of his 12-year-old son’s dickhead classmate
- Star Wars: The Dork Awakens
- I was going to be a successful writer but then A.D.D. and Facebook and what the fuck were we just talking about?
- Dear Interstate 95: Please stop being an asshole.
- I have many important updates for you … minus “many” and “important.”