Hey, Disney, quick question for ya: Who at the MPAA do you guys blow in order to get “G” ratings for your movies? Because I’m convinced that’s how you’re getting it done. [DISCLAIMER: I'm not looking at you, PIXAR. You rock. I think you should quadruple your staff and put out four times as many movies as you do now, because nothing would please me more than to make a PIXAR film the feature for every one of our family movie nights. (Except for that opening scene in "Nemo" where his mother and the other gajillion baby fish get devoured… [read the rest]
Daddy's Briefs
- RT @HowardStern: Cory Booker Nails Marriage Equality In 5 Minutes http://t.co/vbORSEvC via @moveon @corybooker about 2 days ago from Twitter for iPhone
- If the new #VanHalen album kicked any more ass, it'd be wanted for assault. Full-body goosebumps. Dear @EddieVanHalen: Sorry I doubted you. about 2 days ago from web
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme: http://t.co/mkoOo7Du about 4 days ago from web
- Someone just found my site by searching the Internet for "middle aged male." Thanks for the reminder, asshole. about 5 days ago from web
- I love people. Especially when they stay away from me. about 6 days ago from web
- Hey, does anybody know if @Google is changing their privacy policy? about 6 days ago from Twitter for Mac
More ways to love me
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Recent Posts
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme.
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”
- Happy Birthday to me … in NYC … Wait, come back. I promise I won’t try to bust out any more rhymes.
- If I had been any closer to the stage at that Van Halen show the other night, I’d be carrying Eddie’s baby
- That blow job I offered 2012? Already paying off.
Recent Comments
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme. (29)
- Kristin: Been there. Paid extra for the flavoring, only to have children immediately throw up the expensive medicine...
- Nicole: Brilliant! No other words.
- Wombat Central: After having spent roughly 2 hours to dispense 2 teaspoons of that shit to my son last year, I salute...
- Dorice: Oh Baby Tinks & Poops. A classic indeed.
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.” (40)
- Barbara: “having a dog is like having a baby … except the baby never advances beyond age two” Truer words...
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme. (29)
Greatest Hits
- The time I almost became a highly paid insurance mascot.
- The time I built a car … I mean, a high-tech doorstop.
- The time I committed the most embarrassing social gaffe in the history of embarrassing social gaffes.
- The time I couldn't free my daughter from a bath seat in which she had become trapped.
- The time I did my best to completely sabotage a dream vacation.
- The time I finally used my passport.
- The time I got a vasectomy.
- The time I hung out with Van Halen.
- The time I nearly burned down my house.
- The time I partied with all the cool mommybloggers and saved The Bloggess's life … sort of.
- The time I thought my son was going to get his ass kicked by a girl.
- The time I was forced to deal with an incontinent doll.
“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” a.k.a., “How George Lucas Took A Giant Poop On Yet Another Beloved Trilogy From Your Childhood”
A refrigerator. Indy hid in a refrigerator. In order to survive a nuclear blast. A refrigerator. A refrigerator that got tossed through the air, end over end, for miles. By the blast. The blast from the atomic bomb. The atomic bomb that instantly vaporized everything in a five-mile radius. Everything, that is, except for the refrigerator—which the blast from the atomic bomb instead launched through the air, for miles and miles, until it hit the ground. Hard. Miles away from the blast site. With Indiana Jones inside of it. And he popped open the door and got out and coughed… [read the rest]