Category Archives: Parenthood

Berated by Bono

Um, well, actually, Mr. Bono, now that you mention it … (Sorry, kids. You’ll get the story, but not tonight. Aiming for tomorrow.) (Also, FYI: This kind of unfortunate incident can be avoided in the future if one of you would like to make an enormous donation to the “Help Daddy Scratches Quit His Day Job” fund. I’m just sayin’ …)… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Life, Music | 5 Responses

An even bigger prick

“Are you going to write about it?” she asked me from across the table while we were eating lunch yesterday. “I don’t think I really want to,” I said. “I mean, it’s just a little too moronic, dontcha think?” She paused for a moment, presumably because she knew I’d arrive there on my own. “I guess I kinda have to, don’t I?” I asked. “I think so,” she answered. So here I go. Thursday night, there was a book fair at Zan’s school, and since Jayna had already morphed into a screaming, crying, porcupine-badger-Tasmanian-Devil-electric-eel type of thing by the hour… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Buffoonery, Life | 13 Responses

A real prick

We’re in the midst of an economic crisis, and two wars, and there are droughts and disease and famine happening around the globe … and yet, I still am able to get disproportionately annoyed by the little things that go wrong during the course of the day. Here, let me tell you about one such thing—and let me take my damn sweet time getting to the thing itself, because it’s all about the journey, not the destination, am I right? Wonder Woman had a work commitment this afternoon and evening, so I was home with the kids, who were delightful.… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Buffoonery, Zan | 20 Responses

Another mouth to feed

I can’t believe I forgot to introduce you all to the newest member of the family! Where are my manners? This little bundle of joy is Baby Alive Tink & Poops. No, that’s not her real name, but that is what Jayna has been calling her since, like, a year ago when she first saw the commercial. As you can probably surmise, the “Tink & Poops” part means she not only urinates—which is just so yesteryear—but she also defecates. And if there is one thing we need around here, it is a fake baby who shits herself. But she is… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Jayna | Tagged | 40 Responses

Episode VII: Battle for the Bed

It seemed like a simple enough thing: because he’s growing so fast, Zan’s fire-engine bed was well on its way to becoming Zan’s mini-barstool, so we needed to get him an actual twin bed. There were some constraints, however—the first of which was that it needed to be physically low enough to fit into the corner of his room, and the second of which was that it needed to be financially low enough to fit into our meager budget. Enter Ikea. Wonder Woman scoured their site and found a bed that satisfied both requirements. However, when we got to the… [read the rest]

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Also posted in Life, Zan | 4 Responses