Scene: Zan, outside, dribbling and shooting a basketball. Ball bounces back and strikes him in the crotch. Zan: “Ouch!” Jayna: “What happened, Zan?” Zan: “The ball just hit me in the penis … which some people call a ‘wiener.’” And so intensifies the outside world’s poisoning of my child. Homeschooling is beginning to seem very attractive. (Yes, I’m looking at you, Pioneer Woman. Any room on the ranch?)… [read the rest]
Daddy's Briefs
- At fucking last ... http://t.co/TWf9vNdD about 5 days ago from web
- Daddy Scratches Fragrance Tip™: If 10 secs after you walk into neighboring cubicle I'm overpowered by your perfume, you're wearing too much. about 5 days ago from web
- You Know You're Old When: The shit you think is *so* 5 minutes ago is shit young people have never even heard of. about 1 week ago from web
- If I could have foreseen getting hit in the nuts as hard as I just did with a lacrosse ball, I wouldn't have bothered getting a vasectomy. about 1 week ago from Twitter for iPhone
- I love when the babysitter's car is nicer than mine. Doesn't at all make me question my life path. about 2 weeks ago from Twitter for iPhone
More ways to love me
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Recent Posts
- This be my bad chariot
- This post is pointless, goes nowhere and contains a completely unrelated photograph. Allow me to apologize in advance for wasting your time.
- I wish these kids would demonstrate a little self-confidence and individuality
- This photo makes me ache for another tropical vacation … but I’ll settle for a really stiff margarita.
- It will be best for my daughter’s future boyfriend if someone hides this picture from me, because if I should happen to see it on the night that he comes to fetch her for their first date, I will pummel his teenage ass to smithereens
Recent Comments
- This be my bad chariot (15)
- the muskrat: Congrats to y’all, then! Ours has 107k, and I worry about having to get a new one in the coming...
- Carole: Here’s what my dad always says about the bells & whistles: “Just one more fucking thing to...
- Smokey: Kudos to Civic’s with over 200k on it. Been there done that.
- Sarah T: I have a 96 toyota camry with 170,000 or so miles. It runs great(fingers crossed), but looks like shit....
- heidi: Looks pretty cool to me. Maybe not as cool as a left-handed albino sasquatch riding a one-eyed unicorn, but,...
- This be my bad chariot (15)
Greatest Hits
- A note to my children from The Elf on the Shelf
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery Rhyme
- Mother Nature is a heartless wench who will turn your own children against you
- The time I almost became a highly paid insurance mascot.
- The time I built a car … I mean, a high-tech doorstop.
- The time I committed the most embarrassing social gaffe in the history of embarrassing social gaffes.
- The time I couldn't free my daughter from a bath seat in which she had become trapped.
- The time I did my best to completely sabotage a dream vacation.
- The time I finally used my passport.
- The time I got a vasectomy.
- The time I hung out with Van Halen.
- The time I nearly burned down my house.
- The time I partied with all the cool mommybloggers and saved The Bloggess's life … sort of.
- The time I thought my son was going to get his ass kicked by a girl.
- The time I was forced to deal with an incontinent doll.
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”
- Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector
Good point
Scene: Zan and Jayna watching “The Backyardigans.” Penguin character named Pablo is shown sitting atop the bow of a viking ship. Aaaaaaand … action! Jayna: “What? Zan, how did Plablo get up there?” [Yes, "Plablo."] Zan: “He climbed.” Jayna: “He’s a penguin. Penguins can’t climb.” Zan: “Penguins can’t talk either, Jayna. It’s make-believe.” Fin… [read the rest]